Praise

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I just need to say...

God is Good!

I praise You Jesus for Your provision!

Thank You!

It's Official....

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Nadia is finally potty trained. She's been day trained for quite some time now and nighttime she's been dry for at least a month, but we were too chicken to give regular underwear a shot. But she did it. She used big girl underwear last night and came out dry. I can't believe it.

Dishes... Yuk

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Let me state for the record I loathe dirty dishes. I don't like washing them, rinsing them, drying them or putting them away. Everything about doing dishes I don't like. We even have a nice dishwasher. The only thing I like about doing dishes that way is turning it on. That is short lived, however, when the machine is done. Because then I have to put them away. Groan. Hubby knows this and he does them whenever possible. But I rarely ask him to, because I know he's busy. And when I do ask him to help with the dishes it's usually to do it together. Like a working date. All that said, I do them anyway. And I don't complain, I don't whine about it. It's one of those things that you just gotta do. And when they are done, it's really nice. But I don't have to like it.

I've discovered something this evening that makes the whole process easier. We have a few hand-washables that for whatever reason don't go in the dishwasher. And usually we dirty one or two of those everyday. Not enough to do once a day, so I wait till have a at least 3 days worth. But by that time the food particles are almost permanently adhered to the surface. And I'll stand there scrubbing away. But tonight I had an epiphany. Before I got Nadia ready for bed I filled the sink with the hottest water I could get, put the dishes in that and let them soak. 30 minutes later the water was cool enough to work and the food particles wiped right off. Dishes were almost no work at all. I know to some of you this is a no brainer. But this is a revelation to me. It helps me to get it done better. And easier.

Now if I could find a great way to get the house dusted more than once a quarter.

Our Christmas Letter

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Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth!
Hast thou not seen How thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

Greetings Family and Friends!

While 2008 was a busy and full year, it was also a blessed year. As the song states, our many desires were granted in His time, in what He ordained. And we praise Him for his provision.

The beginning of the year found Andrew and I taking a short vacation in celebration of our fifth year of marriage. We stayed a few nights at a local state park for some much needed rest and relaxation. Nadia had some extra special visiting with Andrew's mom and dad while we were away.
Soon after we discovered we were expecting another little one, much to our delight!
Sadly, also around that time my maternal grandmother's health was failing. My mom made a trip up to Pennsylvania and we both visited Grandma. Soon after our visit she passed away. We are grateful she didn't suffer long and is now at rest.
After 6 months we finally got an offer on our old house. That was an ordeal, but we did end up finalizing everything and selling the house by the end of April. It took a while, but it all worked out and we are out from underneath that mortgage.
In March I attended the Women's Ministry Retreat in Ohio with my best friend Sara and a wonderful friend from church. An enormous blizzard also decided to go to the retreat. It dumped at least a foot of snow on the ground while we were driving there and Saturday we ended up getting stranded at the convention center with 500 other women. Thank goodness they made the men's bathrooms into women's! But I didn't hear one complaint out of the whole bunch. Somehow they fed and kept us entertained until we were released that evening. We were told to go straight to our hotels, which we did and finished out the retreat the next morning before venturing home.
By May we discovered we were going to have a healthy boy and that the OB/GYN was going to let their midwives go in August. I was so disappointed. We prayed and searched and finally decided upon a homebirth with a midwife. It was the best decision for us. Home visits are so much better than dr's offices.
We also planted the largest garden I've ever planted (aside from the ones I helped with as a child). We had four plots tilled and planted with food! We had a pepper and tomato patch, a corn patch, a potato patch and then a general garden that had peas, beans, carrots, lettuce, squash and things like that. I planted sweet potatoes for the first time and they did wonderfully!! Everything else did really well too and I am looking forward to another garden next year.
June was another busy month. Nadia and I traveled to Ohio to attend my best friend Sara's Masters Graduation. Then we were all apart of our Church's VBS program, during which time we received a visit from my Aunt and Uncle from Michigan. The next weekend we went camping with our other family out in Ohio. Actually they camped, we cabin-ed. A 6 month pregnant body does not do air mattresses. No way.
We spent the next month organizing the basement, moving my sewing stuff down to the basement and setting up a new room for Nadia in the back room. Nadia's old room would be the baby's room. Nadia now has a huge room, complete with a small 'sitting' area. She loves it, and didn't miss her old room at all.
Nadia turned 3 in August and we had a party for her. I learned that parties for children under the age of 5 are overrated. Oh it was fun, don't get me wrong, but I was wore out! And we only had 4 little girls and just about double the adults. She had loads of fun and got loads of presents, but I think all other birthday parties will be after they turn 5.
We had a wonderful visit from my best friend and her hubby in August as well. We all visited a local state park for some swimming and hiking. It was great fun and so good to see friends.
The garden decided to 'bless' right around this time too. Oh boy oh boy! I was canning, baking, blanching and putting up to beat the band. I have so many shiny jars of colorful food in my basement shelves and bags upon bags of frozen goodies, it's wonderful.
Much of the time after that was spent in preparation for the baby. I prepped dozens of meals for the freezer, organized and caught up on odd jobs around the house, did some large scale shopping to stock up and got the things we would need for the birth together. We also finally got the baby's room put together. After all of those things were done I finally felt like I could actually have this baby. At that point we just waited.
And waited.
It seemed like the only thing we did in September was wait for the baby to come, but that's not true. We harvested our first try at Sweet Potatoes and boy did they ever do well! We planted 12 slips and dug up a 5 gallon bucket full. They are very tasty too. We dug up our Yukon Gold potatoes as well. I continued to can many things, in fact, I was canning right up until the day before I went into labor.
Then our waiting was finally over and our son, Rhys (pronounced Reece) Athanasius was born September 27 at 5:05 am at home after a 3 and half hour labor. He was 6 lbs 14 oz, 19 ½ inches long and very healthy. The delivery went smoothly. Andrew's mom and dad came up to help around the house for a couple of days. Nadia is enamored with her little brother and continues to be an excited little helper to me. Somewhere around that time Andrew had another birthday. I think I remember celebrating it.
It's been eight years since Andrew felt called to Seminary. In October we celebrated Andrew's approval for Lifetime Ordination. His ordination ceremony will be at the annual conference this coming April. Thank you for your many prayers.
The congregation is taking good care of us. They just put all new windows in the parsonage, it's a little cozier now.
I celebrated my birthday in November. I turned the infamous 29 that every woman seems to be these days. Only I'm really 29. I can't believe I'm this old. I suppose it only gets worse.
It seems the year is going to end on a sad note. As of the writing of this letter my paternal Grandmother, Evelyn (Nadia's namesake) is suffering with the effects of a massive stroke. The outlook is not good and everyone is waiting at this point. Please pray for Evelyn and our family.

Overall 2008 has been a year of tremendous blessings and deep sorrows. It has run the gamut. But we have learned the Lord provides and sustains. We praise Him.

Christmas blessings and much love,

Andrew, Kathryn, Nadia and Rhys

Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him!
All that hath life and breath, come now with praises before Him!
Let the Amen sound from His people again
Gladly for aye we adore Him!

For You.....Evil Christmas Cookies

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As requested by Shannon, the famed Evil Christmas Cookies.

Enjoy, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Grandma Evy update and Sickies

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My Grandmother has made marked improvement. She is taking her meals in the dining room, sitting up, able to hold a cup and even using her right arm. She is doing really well, actually, surprising us all. Thank you for your prayers. The bleeds in her brain have stopped, so that is really good. I hope I've gained some of those hardy genes she has in her.

Nadia is sick with a really bad cold. She wakes up in the morning nauseous and wanting to throw up. Phlegm draining down into her belly and the fact that she's not eating much. I've gotten her to drink three cups of broth this morning, which is great. I think she's feeling better, now if I can just get her to eat! I'm trying to keep the baby away from her, but Andrew's already taken yesterday off to help. Thank God he doesn't have a sermon this Sunday, it's the Children's Christmas program. He is starting to feel a tad congested, I'm hoping it's just sinus. Right now she's perched on the couch with a cup of broth watching Alvin and the Chipmunks. Video's are the only way I can get her to rest. Otherwise she's running around.

My brother-in-law is coming up for a few days and we were going to go down to visit. But with all the sickies around here, I don't know if I want to go. We'd all (yes, that's all of us, baby, mama, papa and sister) would be sleeping in the same room. Oy. And we're not talking a big room either. I don't want to go. But this is the brother we don't see much. We saw him two years ago. This stinks.

Somehow I am getting housework done. I don't know how. Especially when Rhys didn't sleep well yesterday for naps. I've figured out that Tuesdays are his bad day. Mondays were Nadia's, Tuesdays are Rhys'. Sunday just messed them up. Oh well. He's still napping now. Maybe I can get some laundry folded. I think I'll skip the run tonight. I don't know, maybe I'll need it!

I hope the rest of you are staying healthy!

G-Ma Evy Update and Rhys Naps!

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My Grandmother was transferred yesterday to a nursing home in the area. She survived the transport. She can swallow pureed foods and thickened liquids, so that is good. That means no feeding tube. She also moved her right hand/arm. Which is stupendous! We still don't know a prognosis. All the drs at the hospital were saying that she would die. But my Aunt (Grandma's caretaker) wants to talk to the nursing home dr, as he deals with this more. So we'll see. She had the stroke Friday evening and she's made it to Wednesday evening. Now I haven't called for an update yet, so I'm not sure how she's doing today. But no news is good news.

And Rhys had a great day of napping. He napped really well. Last night when I was nursing him before bed he had a great big watery poop. I'm wondering if he was fighting a touch of what his father had on Sunday. He didn't want to eat very well all day and then at the end had that poop. But he ate like a boy and slept like a baby. I am so glad my little boy is back!

I have good news on the weight loss front. I was able to fit into my favorite pair of exercise pants. I realize they stretch, but they don't look like they are spread out, kwim? They look nice. Since I started actually trying to loose weight I've lost:

• 2.5 lbs
• 1 inch off my chest (I measure right under the arms)
• 1.5 inches off my waist
• 1 inch off my thighs
• 1.5 inches off my hips

Everything else is the same. I think it's the running. At least I hope so. I am keeping my calorie intake up there and Rhys seems content. I am making sure I get wholesome healthy foods. My only junk food is frozen yogurt and well, that is still kinda healthy. My current goals are:

• to reach my pre preg weight of 165 (I have 12.5 lbs to go)
  
• to loose 6.5 inches off my waist
• to loose 1.5 inches off my hips
• and my thighs are already smaller than pre preg size, isn't that great?
  

My upper arms are a tad bigger than before, but that's probably because I am lifting a 12lb weight several times a day.

I will post a pic later.

Hubby is much better, did I mention that?

Nadia and I made Garbage Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies today. I didn't have any chocolate chips, but I did have a hollow Easter bunny, several Hershey kisses, a fun size crunch bar and several m&m's. All of that chopped up and put together made for some very interesting looking cookies. I'm told they were good. Rhys doesn't handle chocolate well. But hey, that is a frugal way to make cookies! And why not, do you think I'm going to let my daughter eat a whole Easter bunny? No way. Chopped up in cookies is a much better way to control portions.

Hasta la vista.

Grandma Evy

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An update on my grandmother. She is being transferred to a nursing home to 'finish out the process' as my Aunt puts it. Only change is that she is able to lift her right arm and was able to feel my Uncle touching it. The right side is paralyzed.

Please pray for me as Rhys is having an off day. I don't know what's up. He's not sick. I don't think it's teething. He just doesn't want to eat and doesn't want to sleep. Maybe it is teeth. But it seems a bit early for that. Although his father started teething at 3 months. So like father like son? I don't do well when the kids don't nap. It does something to my OCD mind. I just can't handle it.

Grandma

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Please pray for my family. My Grandmother had a massive stroke that is continuing to bleed on her brain stem. She is to frail for surgery. The outlook is not good. We traveled to see her. In snow and ice. The kids did good, but are tired. Please pray for Andrew as Sunday is his big work day. I'm worried for him. It's been one thing after another and he's had no rest. Please pray for him.

Honestly, I'm scared.

I Fell.....

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....off the face of the earth for a week and you know what? It was nice. No email, no phone calls. Just me, the kids and my in laws at their house with minimal housework. I didn't even work out !gasp!, but that was nice too. I had a great time and the kids did great, even on the trip down. Andrew joined us later that week for Thanksgiving and then Nadia stayed on at her grandparents for a few extra days while the rest of us went home. That was nice too. While on vacation I went clothes shopping and got some great clothes that look really nice on me. I actually don't look that bad now that I have something that fits. I even bought a new pair of shoes. And I found dress pants that look nice on me too! It was a very good shopping trip.

However, even though I fell of the face of the earth, the rest of the earth continued to turn. 50 some emails (what hubby didn't check), laundry hampers overflowing, dirt dust and woodchips all over the place from the window replacement, lots of drs appts to go to, and mother hubbards cupboards are bare. Oh there's food in the house, but we lack some things to make complete meals, kwim? Like fresh veggies and such. But it's a good time to use up the stuff around the house. I hate to take Rhys out again in the morning, he's had and will have more things to go to. Looks like I'll have to go in the evening.

I put off dusting and vacuuming before I left because I knew the windows would be put in and that would've been a lost cause. I'm glad I did! It is so nasty! Oh I'm sure to the untrained eye (men) it looks fine, but to me it's a sty! I've been slowly going through and doing a thorough job of dusting with Murphy's Oil Soap and washing each window, purging it from the smeary handprints of someone I don't know. When I'm all done with that I'll vacuum every crevice. The room's I've done look great. The room's I haven't, well, lets just say I haven't done them yet.

We are just about out of bread, so that is rising on the stove.
Christmas cards need done and sent out. And that's an ordeal. Letter to write, print and stuff. Pictures to cut and stuff. And then envelopes labeled and posted.
Christmas shopping is done. I can say that YAY!
And our christmas tree is at least up and decorated. Nadia loves to decorate for Christmas, so that motivated us to get it done. She's constantly asking what more she can decorate.
Laundry is slowly getting done.
Rhys had shots yesterday. He's been sleeping alot. Which is helping me get things done, incidentally.
And I was able to run last night. Ugh, it was not a pretty sight.

The windows, on the other hand, look great. The house is warmer, I can tell a difference already. Especially Nadia's room. Throughout the house there are very little drafts, if any. That was the problem before, it was very drafty. So the thermostat might have said 68, but there were cold pockets. Now it's comfortable. I'm glad for that.

Things are good, albeit busy. I'm sure that's going to be that way for a while, at least till after Christmas.

And on one other very good note, I feel normal. Like back to myself normal. I feel good and able to handle things. I'm glad for that. And I found a family Dr in our town that will be able to do all my 'things', you know female, PPD and stuff like that. So I won't have to travel 30 mins for an appt, just 5. Nice. And it's a lady dr, who happens to be a nun. I didn't know nuns could be anything but nuns. But I'm glad for that, I'll be able to talk turkey and she won't shy away from it. Anyway.

Gotta go. Bread to bake. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

Prayers

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Please pray for us. We've had a very exhausting week. A lady in our church died suddenly and so that was a whirlwind of activity. I am driving tomorrow with two children, one of which nurses frequently during the day and another who can't leave her brother alone, to my in laws. Hubby is staying here, we are getting the new windows in. Andrew has a service Wednesday night and then is driving down to his parents on Thursday. Thanksgiving then. Then back up here on Saturday for another memorial service. Ugh!

I am apprehensive about driving both kids by myself. I find myself thinking way too much about stuff and if I just do it and not think about it, I get through fine. I'm sure I'll be fine, but I still covet your prayers.

Pray also for hubby. He's tired and I worry he'll get sick. I'm hoping with us gone he'll have some time to recharge. I'm sure it will be nice for him to be by himself for a while.

Pray for my mind. I am obsessing, and I do mean obsessing about this weight issue. I need to just let it go. I cannot diet. And I will not wean Rhys just to loose weight. So I just need to be ok with where I am at. And I'm not. But not being ok with it is driving me nuts. I am constantly berating myself, telling myself nasty things in the mirror. That doesn't help. This is where I am at. I need to just be ok with that. I am working on it, but it didn't come on in a day and it won't come off in a day. Please pray for peace in this area. I need to just let it go. It will come off, of that I am sure. But I just need to be patient. I know it can come off and a year or so of carrying around some extra weight is ok in the long run. I am giving my child the best.

I probably won't be on here till Saturday again, so have a great Thanksgiving!!

It's Bedtime Kathryn....

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Someone tell me to go to bed!! I am tired. I am ready for bed, well I need to do some last minute stuff, but I'm ready. I don't want to really be sitting here at the computer doing nothing. I've checked all my regular 'hang-outs' (which sadly one of them happens to be this blog) several times now, nothing new to add to my already full brain. Hubby is off on a long distance visit, won't be back till very late. Long story. And I just need to get into that bed. I don't know when Rhys will wake up to eat or what the night will hold. But.... I. Need. To. Go. To. Bed. (Do you know how irritating it is to type a period after every word? It's the first time I've done it. I'm not doing it again, I'll bold or underline, but not that. Why do people do it?) Now I'm rambling.

Ok, I'm going.

Goodnight.

Wait, gotta check the weather.

Ok! Ok! I'm going. *sigh*

I have no life.

2 AM Confusion

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Middle of the night feedings aren't so bad. In fact, I kinda like snuggling with my baby, just him and me all cozy, no other noises or interruptions. It's nice. But there is one thing that continues to elude me and my fuzzy mind at 2 AM and it's SLEEPERS WITH ALL THOSE GOSH DARN SNAPS!! Whose idea was it anyway to put a million and one snaps on such a small piece of clothing for mothers who are at half wit anyway? It's nuts! I get to the bottom, thinking I've got it right this time and lo and behold, I'm off, again. So I have to undo all the snaps I just did and redo them, again. Ugh. It really is irritating.

I've gotten to the point of Rhys' life where I'll wake up with a start wondering if I've fed the baby. I seriously can't remember feeding, changing and putting him back down to bed. One time when Nadia was small and Andrew was bringing her to me in bed to feed I woke up and thought I had fallen asleep and lost her in the sheets somewhere! I actually looked for like a split second before reason got to me. I had put her back, I had just slept through the whole thing. It's a wonder my children are as well turned out as they are. Thank goodness babies can't remember.

But, oh well, I'm sure Rhys doesn't really care as long as he's fed, dry and snuggled he's happy. And well, so is this half wit mother...

29 Bright Candles

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I turn 29 today. For the rest of my life. LOL!!

Just kidding. I'm proud of my age and will always be honest about it. So....

Happy Birthday to me!!

Bovine Esteem

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I feel like a cow. A fat, ugly cow. The one skirt that fit pretty good and looked pretty good doesn't this morning. Why? I've been so good. I've been eating well, exercising and doing toning faithfully. And this is how my body rewards me? I'm bummed. I actually gained two pounds. Arg. GRRRRR. I've put off buying more clothes because I am certain I will loose this fast and get back to my old size soon. But Rhys is already 2 months, how long is this going to take? Most of my everyday stuff, ie - sweats, fit just fine. I did buy one pair of jeans, but most of my 'going out' shirts are snug. Especially in a certain place. I guess I should just go to Goodwill and get some temporary stuff. But I hate to resign myself to that. It's admitting defeat. I was expecting to loose to much more earlier and not have to worry about clothes. I just feel like a cow. And in some ways I am. I'm lactating, feeding an offspring and I'm fat.

I know this is superficial, I should be happy I'm not as big as what I was after I had Nadia. And I am happy for that. But still, especially with the PPD still lurking in the background, it's hard not to see the negative. Oh it's still there. The meds just make it so that I can manage it better. And that's where I wanted to be. I wanted to be able to deal with the emotions, not completely do away with them. That's not healthy. Because eventually I will go off of them and then have to deal with emotions then. But it puts the PPD to a point where I can enjoy my baby, but the PPD is much much less and I can deal with it better.

I know this is for a time. I will loose the weight, I will someday be done breastfeeding (and miss it, don't get me wrong, I love it, it's just, well, 'they' make it so hard to find a shirt that fits, or a bra for that matter) and I will be back to my old self. But it's hard right now. I guess I'll go to Goodwill some day, find some clothes. *Sigh*

For You.... More Rhys Pics

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Honestly I had been planning on putting pics up of him. I know there is only the birth ones, sigh, just trying to find time though, but you know how that is. But here you go.....

This is my dad. We got to see them last week. Aint this just the cutest?

That is not Rhys, that is one of Nadia's dolly's.

My little goofball.

This is my favorite. He's so cute!

Celebrate!

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I have good news!! We have dates for when the new windows will be put in. The last week in November. Yes, that's right folks, the three days right before Thanksgiving. OY. I thought it would be only one day, but no, it's three. I thought, gee I could tote the kids around for one day to keep them out of the workers hair, but three? So it's off to my MIL for the week. We were going to their house for Thanksgiving anyway, now the kids and I will be there earlier. It'll be fun, I'm sure. I just don't think it would be a good idea to have a 2 month old around all that dust, it's sure to be cold (I mean they have to take the old ones out anyway) and where would I find privacy to nurse around all those men? So I'm packing everyone up and taking them down to Grandmom's. I love my mother in law. She's the best. Plus she'll have help for Thanksgiving.

Rhys is growing, I'm putting his 0-3 month clothing away today and taking out the *gasp* 3-6 month stuff. We were given so much clothing it's not funny. He could wear a new outfit each day for a month and I wouldn't have to do laundry. But that would be an awful lot of laundry, so I will. Plus I love doing laundry. I don't know why, just some sort of satisfaction with putting dirty clothes in the washing machine and having it do the work. The olden days, bah, I love my washing machine.

I've been running for two weeks and it feels good. Well not this week. We are all catching up on sleep lost from last week. I'm so tired. I just need to get my butt in bed earlier. There is no reason to stay up, Rhys has been in bed for hours and I could've too. But hey, it's my time. I need that. Anyway, I measured myself last night (and this morning, did you know that can make the difference in the abdomen by 1 inch?) and I need to loose 8 inches off my abdomen, 3 off my hips and .5 off my thighs. Everything else is the same. Well, except the obvious, but they won't go down until much much later. So far, no pounds have come off, well they've come off and then gone back on. You know, loose a pound, gain it back. Probably water. Grrr. So I just keep on keeping on. That's all I can do. It seems I don't loose weight, I mean really get it off until I start restricting calories. I can't do that. I don't want to compromise Rhys' health. So I won't start really dieting until he's good on solids. Probably 9 months or so. I am watching what I am eating and after Thanksgiving I will start logging what I am eating just so I am accountable, but I can't do the big cutting of calories till later. Oh well. It will come off. And hopefully with just exercise, eating right and nursing it will naturally come off.

Well off to find some good ab exercises. Sigh.

I am Kathryn.....

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And I approve this message....


I am so stinkin happy that the election is over.


I am so stinkin happy that I won't have to hear all of the stinkin ads for president. They don't tell you anything anyway. It just raises my hackles for whoever it is that's running. Why can't we have adults running for office anyway? These "men" fight like children. Puhleeze!!

Now I can watch all my favorite commercials.

Tampax.

Joy

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I enjoyed my baby today.


And it was wonderful. :)

Answers...

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Just to answer a few questions :) I did clear running with my midwife. I'm doing it also for my mind. I think I got addicted to it last year and now it acts as a drug to boost my mood. So a sort of self medication.

And I gained 35lbs when I was pregnant with Rhys. Much better compared to the 60 I gained with Nadia. And with Nadia I still had lots of old weight to loose. With this pregnancy when I loose that 15lbs I'll be at my ideal weight. So that's not bad.

Postpardum Weightloss

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I am starting what I am going to call phase one. I've got 15lbs to loose to reach my pre-pregnancy weight. I am a size 14 jeans and want to get back to my size 10's. Phase one is going to last for a few months. It consists of this:

• Doing the Couch to 5K training for the first 2 months
• After that running three times a week
• On the off days I will do some sort of whole body toning
• Eating healthfully, making every calorie count (but not counting calories at this point, just because I'm breastfeeding, I don't want to restrict calories yet.)
• Drinking at minimum 64oz of water, but striving to drink 96oz

Phase two is all of that, except I will be counting calories and watching my food intake a bit more seriously.

I truly believe I can reach my goal weight with Phase one alone, but if I don't I know that calorie counting will get me the rest of the way.

I will also be taking monthly pics to show my progress (more for me than anyone, it helps). I will also be taking measurements and weighing myself, however, no one but me gets to see those numbers! I will post my weight lost as I loose it.

So here is what I looked like at the beginning of my pregnancy:

Here is what I look like now:
So that's that. I'll keep you up to date regularly!

"Belly" Pic

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Forgive me! I've forgotten to post a belly pic!! And before you think I've totally lost it, here is what I mean:

I just thought that would be cute. No he wasn't born with a paci in his mouth. It's right before bedtime and he was, um, unhappy.

Life At the Looney Farm?

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Thank you for your concern. I've had a couple of good days in a row and even did really well with taking Rhys to the dr for a check up with Nadia, on my own, yesterday. Rhys is a super sleeper. When Nadia's day was messed up, that was it, no sleeping, not even if I nursed her when I KNEW she was sleeping, until bed. She just would be up! Whereas Rhys is like, nurse me mama, put me down with my bink and don't bother me for at least 4 hours! Man, this kid is so nice to me! That is so nice, because then I can get at least a little recharge in the afternoon.

I do think the meds are kicking in now. And I've discovered that running and a shower in the morning helps a lot. I'm only running every other day because I haven't run for over a year. But on the off days I'll do toning. It's like I just need to do something for myself for 30 minutes. Right now that's exercise and a shower. Hey, what can I say, if mama doesn't take care of herself, she can't take care of anyone else. I can look back in retrospect and see the difference in Nadia's babyhood and Rhys'. I still have guilt over that. It's hard to let it go. Man.

My boy is 9lbs 10oz at his 1 months check up. He gained 2 inches (which explains why all the newborn clothing doesn't fit). He was 6lbs 14oz at birth. So he's eating well. I'll tell ya with all that new pudginess on him it makes him so snugglie. I love cuddling him! And at night when he's got a soft sleeper on, he's like a teddy bear. He just cuddles in and nurses away. He also 'holds' onto me, as if to say, "my mama, my milk". I love it.

This week is revival, so that means I am putting the kids to bed everynight this week through wednesday. That's a lot for me, but I guess it gives me opportunity to perfect it. Two down, two nights to go. Hubby is beat. I know it. We are planning on some sort of vacation around Christmas, he has to use up his vacation time or he'll loose it. So I'm looking forward to that. He needs time to rest. I take that as my calling, prodding him to rest. Like I can talk.

Thanks for your prayers, continue to send them.

Postpardum Care....

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Should be more than the obligatory vag check to tell you you can use tampons, exercise and have sex.

Should be more than a weight check to see how much 'extra' you've gained from your pregnancy.

Should be more than a blood pressure check.

Should be more often than just 6 weeks later.

Should be longer than 10 minutes.

Should be more than just a question about moods or baby blues.

Postpardum depression is real, does happen that fast and is serious. If you have friends who have babies ask them if they have it. If they do, help them get the help they need. Ask them everyday what they are doing to get help. Take them to the dr, or watch their kids. Offer financial help if they need it. And whatever you do, don't belittle them for their feelings. There is nothing worse than feeling alone in this. Feeling like a horrible mother. Than feeling like your family would be better off without you. And it's not something you can just 'pull yourself out of'.

If you love your postpardum friends you will do this for them more often than bringing a meal. It can get real bad, real fast.

And I'm not joking.

Rhys Birth Story

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I'm not quite sure how to tell how long I had really been in labor because labor for me was off and on for at least a week, if not more. The first night I felt real labor pains was Sept 22. I was a few days from my due date and really thought it was it. They were 45 secs long and about 4-5 mins apart. I called my doula and my midwife and they both suggested to take a shower or a bath for the warm water would either A. speed up labor if it was real labor, or B. slow down labor if it was false. Well after the bath they stopped. Stink. Throughout that week I had labor like that. About every other night. It would last about an hour and then stop. It was frustrating. My midwife came up on Wednesday to check me. I was a 4 and no longer posterior. Good. But things really didn't start up until Friday, well really Saturday morning, September 27. 1:30 contractions started and they started hard. I told Andrew to go ahead and get some sleep and that I would wake him if I needed him. I came out to the computer and pulled up that online contraction master thing. I tried surfing the web, but with contractions coming about every 3 minutes and lasting over a minute long it was hard. I had only timed three contractions and already they were getting closer and longer. I woke Andrew. He called the midwife and the doula and they told me to do the bath thing again. I thought, ok. But I told them not to come yet. I got in the bath and immediately they got worse. Much worse. It was only 20 minutes later that Andrew called the midwife and the doula and told them to come. By this time I was telling Andrew I needed to get out of the tub. I was doing the deep abdominal 'sighs' and breathing that did help. Sure the pain was still there, but I stayed on top of it. It still wasn't really that bad. Andrew called my prayer corner and I'm sure they all heard me in the background.
We then went out to the living room and Andrew hurriedly tried to put the birth tub together. But between my contractions he didn't have a whole lot of time. My doula came about a half hour later at 3:45am. I was kneeling on the floor holding onto a chair. I did have a lot of back pain and Corey would push on that to help. Soon kneeling didn't help, so I got the end of the couch sitting on my ball. After a particularly strong contraction my water broke. I was still in denial at this point that I was in labor. But after my water broke I suddenly thought "oh, this is it!" I hurried to the bathroom and cleaned up and then went back to the end of the couch to kneel. But that wasn't working. I then went to the bedroom to lie down. I just needed to rest. My midwife arrived around this time, about 4:40 and her assistant arrived just 10 minutes later. Then the most astonishing thing happened while I was laboring on the bed. My body started to push without my permission! It wasn't like I was thinking "ok time to push" I was actually thinking "breathe breathe breathe, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!" Everything within me was pushing this boy out, but I was not consulted beforehand and had no idea what was going on. I just said that something was coming out. When you are in the throes of unmedicated labor your mind kinda doesn't work. I know now what was coming out, but I didn't want to assume I knew what was happening. Anyway, I felt like my butt was going to bust in half. It was that strong, that painful. I started to labor/push on my hands and knees (I still wasn't giving in to the pushing yet, it hurt like nothing else! I was scared I really was going to bust in half!) The midwife was still setting up and the doula called for her to come. Meanwhile Andrew is in front of me talking to me, while I am calling out the name of Jesus (my prayer life always gets so much better in labor!) and during contractions I literally am roaring through them. It's unbelieveable the strength that the woman's body has within her. Amazing. Anyway. Michelle came in and checked me (the only check I had with the whole labor) she told me I was complete and at a +2 station. Baby was coming! I was still scared to push with the contractions, but Michelle told me to push through the pain, that was the best advice. So much of life we need to 'push through it'. So I started to push through it. But I didn't have enough room on my hands and knees so she asked me to squat at the side of the bed. Andrew sat on the edge of the bed and I rested my head in his lap. I continued pushing and it was so much more effective now. On my hands and knees his head would keep going back in after a contraction. He couldn't do that now. I birthed his head and Michelle told me to stop pushing so she could check for a nuchal cord, but my body didn't stop. He just came tumbling out! There was a cord around his neck, but Michelle somersaulted him around and he was fine. He was also very slippery, she had trouble getting him! But he cried as soon as his head was out and was pink. Apgars of 10 and 10. He was born at 5:05am, just 3 1/2 hours of labor. He nursed like 15 minutes after birth and my placenta came out just 20 minutes later. It was whole and healthy. I was crying and joyful and just feeling good. He weighed 6lbs 14oz. 19 1/2 inches long. He had and unbelievably short cord, which Michelle thought was the reason for that off again on again labor. He was stretching his cord out so that he could come out.

Homebirth is so nice. There are many nice things about it, and maybe in one of my other posts I'll put them up too. But for right now, homebirth is nice. I have some pics of his birth, but I'll put them up later. I just had to get the story written out and down. Enjoy!

Approval!

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I have good news! Andrew was approved for ordination!! This is a lifetime ordination (barring no mis-deeds) within this Denomination. This is a good thing and we are excited. He will be officially ordained this coming April at the annual meeting. Should be a pretty good time. Thanks for praying!

Forgot to mention...

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Rhys has been rolling over. Frequently. He's 2.5 weeks old. Shocked the crap right out of me. Alright kid, what does this mean?

Prayers

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Pray for my hubby today. He is traveling a couple of hours to the capitol city to take his oral ordination exam. He's a bit nervous about it, but I think he will do fine. Just keep him in your prayers.

Pray for me, this is the first day I'm alone by myself all day. I'll be fine as I have errands I'm running today. Sunday was a very bad day. Very bad. But yesterday was the first day I actually felt like smiling. I think it's beginning to work. I actually had time where my heart wasn't gripped in fear. I felt calm, normal. It felt good. It gave me a reprieve, hope.

Btw, Luvs diapers haven't leaked so far. Everything else has. I'm waiting on cloth covers. The boy is so skinny he doesn't have any fat on his legs to seal up diapers. Leaks like a bad pipe.

Thanks.

The Post Pardum Kathryn

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I've struggled for a while knowing whether or not to even write about this. But it is a big part of my life and since this blog is about 'me', well this is part of me for now.

I'm being treated for Post Pardum Depression. I had it with Nadia and wouldn't ya know it, I've got it with Rhys. I never sought out help for it with Nadia, except for a great friend who I met with for a few months. And maybe that would help now too, except I don't have anyone to meet with. So I saw my family dr, as per the urging of my midwife and he has me on a antidepressant. I hate it. I have to wait a few weeks to see if it's working, until then I have to deal with my mind. And it's hard. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm not a crier and I've cried more times in this past week than what I've cried in the past three years, combined. I'm not handling it well. It's not so much a sadness, but rather a panic. Sheer, out of proportion panic. And I can't control it. It's worse on nights Andrew is not here. And recently that's been 3 nights week. The last week of October we have revival at our church, he'll be gone most of the week. This tuesday he'll be gone all day. How am I going to make it? I have no close friends in this area that I can call on. How can I tell anyone at the church? I am scared out of my mind. I can see why dr's take ppd so seriously, I can see why women with it go off the deep end. The magnitude of fear that I am feeling is such that I'm almost willing to do anything to make it stop. It's overwhelming. It's to the point I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can't concentrate and it's hard to get out of the couch. And this is not me. This is the woman who was canning the day before I went into labor. It's not me to sit lengths of time. They say at least 2 weeks if not more till the meds kick in. How am I going to make it?

They tell me that there are mothers who actually enjoy their children and aren't paranoid at the sound of their baby's cry. It seems almost cruel to me, that I've had two children and with each I am almost incapacitated with fear. I cannot enjoy them! I want them to grow up, now! And not to like 16, to like 3. I want Rhys to quickly grow to 3 or at least 18 months. Most people would say that's not very long at all, but time seems to slow down to a snails pace. 6 weeks seems like forever. I can't believe that I've made it 2 weeks, but it seems like forever.

Oh God help me. How am I going to make it?

I can see why women run away. I can see why they jump from buildings or bridges. It's almost too much. And out of all the things you try, there is nothing you can do to make it go away. You either medicate, or just go through it. Going through it is not the best option. I did that. For 9 months. It was not fun. I hardly remember the time. It was hard on Andrew, hard on Nadia and hard on me. That's all I know.

And my husband, my dear, sweet husband should not have to deal with this. My children should not have to deal with this. They all deserve better.

But this is where I am at. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and doesn't tell me just to 'get over it'. I have a lovely daughter who brings me tissues when I'm crying. And I have a beautiful little boy who does exceptionally well when he's not going through a growth spurt. For all outside eyes I am blessed. And I am. But my brain is sick and I can't see beyond today. Not to mention I can't even fit in my fat jeans.

Pray for me.

And then there were two....

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I did it!!

I put two kids, under the age of 4 to bed, by myself, without any mishaps. I did it! I can't believe I did it!

I realize some of you do that, with more than 2, all the time, every night. But I don't. I never have. And I worried furiously about it. But, I am reminded of the scripture my daughter saw in her veggietales tonight "with God all things are possible". If God calls me to do something, He will make it possible for me to do it. Thank you Lord. And you know what? It went ok. Woohoo!

Welcome Rhys Athanasius!!

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We welcomed Rhys Athanasius to our home September 27 at 5:05am. He is 6lbs 14oz, 19.5in long, 14in head (takes after mama!) and a great nurser. Labor was fast, 3.5 hours. Mama is doing wonderfully! I feel great! Home birth is wonderful. Just feels so much more relaxed. For your viewing pleasure, my boy.

Rhys is the welsh variant of Reese or Reece, it means passionate. Which the way he moved in the womb is very fitting. Athanasius is a 3rd Century Church father who refuted Arianism. Andrew was very effected by studying his life. You can find more about Athanasius here. His name means immortal.

I Love Your Blog Baby!!

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It's always nice to be loved. *sigh* Today of all days I needed this.

I have been honored with the I Love Your Blog award from Kim. She states "Just Me is a blog about her life … she’s quite thrify and crafty, and I envy her mad skillz =) (lol … I really just wanted to write mad skillz … although I truly do admire her!)" Thank you Kim!! Now I have to nominate 7 other blogs.

1. Tammy's Recipes - I check this blog daily for foodie inspiration. I have actually used a lot of the recipes. I like it that we are on the same page as far as frugality, nutrition and tastes. It's like homecooking revamped. It's what I look for in recipes.
   
2. The Cappuccino Life - I love following Maggie's posts as she has a way with words I admire. She gets me thinking in a different direction, but not in a bad way. She inspires me in loving my husband and my child (soon to be 'ren') better. She also likes lentils and I am partial to those as well!
3. Song of my Soul - This woman has such a talent for words it's not funny. Actually it is, she can get me laughing no matter what. She also has a great talent for jewlery and has made me some earrings that I love. In fact I'm wearing the ones I won right now!
4. Life as I see it - A blog that is updated a lot, and I like that, about her life with her boys. She posts some really great recipes and I really want to try that falafel. I love reading about contemporaries.
   
5. JavaMama - This is a very good online friend of mine who mirrors my thoughts and sentiments on a lot of issues. We also happen to be very close in due dates! It's nice to have someone who is 'there' with you on certain things. I never feel like I have to explain myself.
   
6. A Glimpse of Pink - I have enjoyed following this blog. I have grown to admire this woman's faith in situations I don't know I could handle. And her little boy is so cute!
   
7. The Daily Poop - This is another like minded mama I love to read about. She is the wife of a deployed Army man. I cannot imagine the faith it takes.

And you all thought I was going to post something about the pregnancy, or hopefully about the baby. Well, GOTCHA!!

All jokes aside I am very close, like the first part of early labor is done for me, I just keep having labor every night. Then it fizzles out. Pray for my daughter though, she came down with a cold and I'm concerned about her (really her germs) and a newborn. I was up just about all night last night. I was so tired I ran right into the end of an open door stubbing two toes. I promptly went to the potty to pee and ended up crying on the toilet. Ever do that? Cry on the toilet I mean. Sounds like something only a pregnant woman would do. I still so want this baby to come!!