Tuesday, September 18, 2007

8 Random Facts About Me.... (YAY! I've been tagged!)

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These are the rules of being tagged: RULES - Post rules before giving the facts - Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves - People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules - At the end of the your blog you need to tag (hopefully) six people and list their names - Leave them a comment on their blog, telling them they have been tagged and not to forget to read your blog.

*8 Random Facts About Me......

1. I know how to milk cows. I grew up on a farm and we had a milk cow. I learned by age five. We had one cow that got pregnant way too young and her teets were too little for my fathers hands. I was her milker till we could dry her up. Her calf didn't live, she was that small.
2. I don't color my hair, it is the color God gave me. I did, one time for my 21st birthday, got subtle (read, invisible) highlights. My former SIL gave them to me. I felt like something special.
3. I buy 50lb bags of ww flour to make our bread products every 4 months. I use Wheat Montana Flour. It is actually a white whole wheat, which is a whole wheat, but they use a spring wheat berry that grinds to a whiter color than the red wheat berry. So it is 100% whole wheat, but just whiter. I can use it interchangeably with bleached flour and get better, higher quality baking products with it.
4. I use a food co-0p. It is from Frankferd Farms Foods. They specialize in organic foods. I'm not all that intersted about that, but the prices are better and that's what I'm in for. I got involved when Nadia wouldn't drink cow's milk, but would eat whole milk yogurt from Stonyfield Farms (which is $$$). But from the co-op it is much much cheaper.
5. I nursed Nadia exactly 2 years. And she never got a drop of formula. I actually miss nursing. :( But I wanted to stop before I hated it. I'm glad I stopped when I did.
6. I feel like a terrible mother sometimes. I'm sure we all do. Does that mean we are good mothers, when we feel like bad ones?
7. I have less clothes in my closet than my husband. Mainly because I keep loosing weight so quickly I don't have the time to bulk up on my supply. And my hubby on the other hand stays at the same weight for years, grrr, and obtains all his friends, um, too small clothes. His clothing replicates like rabbits.
8. I like historical fiction novels, but haven't been able to put my hands on one for a while. The libraries here are either out of reach (construction) or not so good. I did read Lord of the Flies, which was gruesome to say the least!

Now I've got to tag some people.


Oh fiddlesticks, that's all I can think of. Everyone else I've thought of has been tagged. bummer.

Monday, September 17, 2007

I am me....

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I am a Runner.

I am a homemade breadmaker.

I am a Sam's club shopper.

I am a calorie counter.

I am a worry wart.

I am MAMA!

I am a natural blond.

I am 5'6.

I am a cook.

I am a Little House On the Prairie fan.

I am a cloth diaperer.

I am a 34D. *blush*

I am a third generation Russian.

I am a mutt (because I am also Irish, Scottish, English and German.)

I am an early riser.

I am a breastfeeding advocate.

I am a weight loss success.

I am a wife.

I am a sister.

I am an ebayer.

I am a Goodwiller.

I am a bargain shopper.

I am a daughter.

I am a friend.

I am married to a pastor.

I am the pastors wife. :)

I am a seamstress.

I am a lover.

I am loved.

I am a writer and poet.

I am an artist.

But of all the things that I am, the one thing that I am for sure is a daughter of THE GREAT I AM.

I am just 'here, I am.'

Friday, September 07, 2007

Just Floatin.....Like on a big wide ocean......

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Out to the sea..................

Life is good.

I guess I've lived off of that last post for far too long. I figured that since it was such a milestone, I could let it linger a bit longer than usual.

Anyway, life is good. We are getting more and more settled. I think only the study needs to be organized. But that is hubby's area, so it may take longer, as he is busy with church and such. I'm getting to know the area more. I've even found an ob/gyn that I think will be good. I have an appt with her for a yearly in a few weeks. I haven't had one for two years. But, hey, that's ok. I'm not on drugs, only one guy and no problems.

I've always had a voice in my head. It's always there. I don't know when it started, but it's always there. Now before you go calling the paddywagon to take me away, it's not like an audible voice. It's more like a thought, or a screen. Most of the life that I experience is filtered through a screen of weight. When I wake up in the morning I think about what and when I will eat for breakfast. After breakfast I think about when I can eat again. And so on for meals. When I meet another woman, I think "Oh, goodness, she's so much skinnier than I am. I need to loose weight." I am too ashamed to say that I feel relief when I meet someone who's the same weight or heavier than me. I've lost all this weight and all I can see is the rolls still on the front of me, all of the fat on my behind and my heavy thighs. It seems like this is always a voice telling me that I need to loose weight or that I'm not skinny enough. And food! What a love hate relationship I have with it. I love to eat, but it is such a temptation. And I wish I wasn't such a good cook. I cook good tasting food. I wish I wasn't thinking like this all the time. It just seems that everything that comes into my sensory from one way or another is filtered critically through this screen. I feel good if I've eaten only fruits and veggies or if my caloric intake is soooo below 1500 calories. It's like I'm ok then. If I eat too much (ie - 1600 calories) then I have to justify that it's ok. It's only this one time. It won't happen again. And when I step on the scale in the morning and my weight is up a pound or two I think back to what I ate the day before so as to cause such a drastic weight gain. When I know that this extra that or this couldn't cause me to gain 2 pounds overnight. This thinking is everywhere, in everything!
And yes, there are times that I look in the mirror and think "wow, I have lost a lot of weight and yes, I do look great." But my eyes go to the areas that are too big. I don't think I'll ever get rid of this dough belly. And that's not all Nadia either, it's just being so gosh darned heavy for so long. I have it on my arms too. It's just like excess skin. Yuk.
Does anyone else have this voice? This filter? Please tell me I'm not the only one.