Sunday, November 23, 2008


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Please pray for us. We've had a very exhausting week. A lady in our church died suddenly and so that was a whirlwind of activity. I am driving tomorrow with two children, one of which nurses frequently during the day and another who can't leave her brother alone, to my in laws. Hubby is staying here, we are getting the new windows in. Andrew has a service Wednesday night and then is driving down to his parents on Thursday. Thanksgiving then. Then back up here on Saturday for another memorial service. Ugh!

I am apprehensive about driving both kids by myself. I find myself thinking way too much about stuff and if I just do it and not think about it, I get through fine. I'm sure I'll be fine, but I still covet your prayers.

Pray also for hubby. He's tired and I worry he'll get sick. I'm hoping with us gone he'll have some time to recharge. I'm sure it will be nice for him to be by himself for a while.

Pray for my mind. I am obsessing, and I do mean obsessing about this weight issue. I need to just let it go. I cannot diet. And I will not wean Rhys just to loose weight. So I just need to be ok with where I am at. And I'm not. But not being ok with it is driving me nuts. I am constantly berating myself, telling myself nasty things in the mirror. That doesn't help. This is where I am at. I need to just be ok with that. I am working on it, but it didn't come on in a day and it won't come off in a day. Please pray for peace in this area. I need to just let it go. It will come off, of that I am sure. But I just need to be patient. I know it can come off and a year or so of carrying around some extra weight is ok in the long run. I am giving my child the best.

I probably won't be on here till Saturday again, so have a great Thanksgiving!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It's Bedtime Kathryn....

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Someone tell me to go to bed!! I am tired. I am ready for bed, well I need to do some last minute stuff, but I'm ready. I don't want to really be sitting here at the computer doing nothing. I've checked all my regular 'hang-outs' (which sadly one of them happens to be this blog) several times now, nothing new to add to my already full brain. Hubby is off on a long distance visit, won't be back till very late. Long story. And I just need to get into that bed. I don't know when Rhys will wake up to eat or what the night will hold. But.... I. Need. To. Go. To. Bed. (Do you know how irritating it is to type a period after every word? It's the first time I've done it. I'm not doing it again, I'll bold or underline, but not that. Why do people do it?) Now I'm rambling.

Ok, I'm going.


Wait, gotta check the weather.

Ok! Ok! I'm going. *sigh*

I have no life.

2 AM Confusion

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Middle of the night feedings aren't so bad. In fact, I kinda like snuggling with my baby, just him and me all cozy, no other noises or interruptions. It's nice. But there is one thing that continues to elude me and my fuzzy mind at 2 AM and it's SLEEPERS WITH ALL THOSE GOSH DARN SNAPS!! Whose idea was it anyway to put a million and one snaps on such a small piece of clothing for mothers who are at half wit anyway? It's nuts! I get to the bottom, thinking I've got it right this time and lo and behold, I'm off, again. So I have to undo all the snaps I just did and redo them, again. Ugh. It really is irritating.

I've gotten to the point of Rhys' life where I'll wake up with a start wondering if I've fed the baby. I seriously can't remember feeding, changing and putting him back down to bed. One time when Nadia was small and Andrew was bringing her to me in bed to feed I woke up and thought I had fallen asleep and lost her in the sheets somewhere! I actually looked for like a split second before reason got to me. I had put her back, I had just slept through the whole thing. It's a wonder my children are as well turned out as they are. Thank goodness babies can't remember.

But, oh well, I'm sure Rhys doesn't really care as long as he's fed, dry and snuggled he's happy. And well, so is this half wit mother...

Monday, November 17, 2008

29 Bright Candles

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I turn 29 today. For the rest of my life. LOL!!

Just kidding. I'm proud of my age and will always be honest about it. So....

Happy Birthday to me!!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Bovine Esteem

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I feel like a cow. A fat, ugly cow. The one skirt that fit pretty good and looked pretty good doesn't this morning. Why? I've been so good. I've been eating well, exercising and doing toning faithfully. And this is how my body rewards me? I'm bummed. I actually gained two pounds. Arg. GRRRRR. I've put off buying more clothes because I am certain I will loose this fast and get back to my old size soon. But Rhys is already 2 months, how long is this going to take? Most of my everyday stuff, ie - sweats, fit just fine. I did buy one pair of jeans, but most of my 'going out' shirts are snug. Especially in a certain place. I guess I should just go to Goodwill and get some temporary stuff. But I hate to resign myself to that. It's admitting defeat. I was expecting to loose to much more earlier and not have to worry about clothes. I just feel like a cow. And in some ways I am. I'm lactating, feeding an offspring and I'm fat.

I know this is superficial, I should be happy I'm not as big as what I was after I had Nadia. And I am happy for that. But still, especially with the PPD still lurking in the background, it's hard not to see the negative. Oh it's still there. The meds just make it so that I can manage it better. And that's where I wanted to be. I wanted to be able to deal with the emotions, not completely do away with them. That's not healthy. Because eventually I will go off of them and then have to deal with emotions then. But it puts the PPD to a point where I can enjoy my baby, but the PPD is much much less and I can deal with it better.

I know this is for a time. I will loose the weight, I will someday be done breastfeeding (and miss it, don't get me wrong, I love it, it's just, well, 'they' make it so hard to find a shirt that fits, or a bra for that matter) and I will be back to my old self. But it's hard right now. I guess I'll go to Goodwill some day, find some clothes. *Sigh*

Friday, November 14, 2008

For You.... More Rhys Pics

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Honestly I had been planning on putting pics up of him. I know there is only the birth ones, sigh, just trying to find time though, but you know how that is. But here you go.....

This is my dad. We got to see them last week. Aint this just the cutest?

That is not Rhys, that is one of Nadia's dolly's.

My little goofball.

This is my favorite. He's so cute!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


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I have good news!! We have dates for when the new windows will be put in. The last week in November. Yes, that's right folks, the three days right before Thanksgiving. OY. I thought it would be only one day, but no, it's three. I thought, gee I could tote the kids around for one day to keep them out of the workers hair, but three? So it's off to my MIL for the week. We were going to their house for Thanksgiving anyway, now the kids and I will be there earlier. It'll be fun, I'm sure. I just don't think it would be a good idea to have a 2 month old around all that dust, it's sure to be cold (I mean they have to take the old ones out anyway) and where would I find privacy to nurse around all those men? So I'm packing everyone up and taking them down to Grandmom's. I love my mother in law. She's the best. Plus she'll have help for Thanksgiving.

Rhys is growing, I'm putting his 0-3 month clothing away today and taking out the *gasp* 3-6 month stuff. We were given so much clothing it's not funny. He could wear a new outfit each day for a month and I wouldn't have to do laundry. But that would be an awful lot of laundry, so I will. Plus I love doing laundry. I don't know why, just some sort of satisfaction with putting dirty clothes in the washing machine and having it do the work. The olden days, bah, I love my washing machine.

I've been running for two weeks and it feels good. Well not this week. We are all catching up on sleep lost from last week. I'm so tired. I just need to get my butt in bed earlier. There is no reason to stay up, Rhys has been in bed for hours and I could've too. But hey, it's my time. I need that. Anyway, I measured myself last night (and this morning, did you know that can make the difference in the abdomen by 1 inch?) and I need to loose 8 inches off my abdomen, 3 off my hips and .5 off my thighs. Everything else is the same. Well, except the obvious, but they won't go down until much much later. So far, no pounds have come off, well they've come off and then gone back on. You know, loose a pound, gain it back. Probably water. Grrr. So I just keep on keeping on. That's all I can do. It seems I don't loose weight, I mean really get it off until I start restricting calories. I can't do that. I don't want to compromise Rhys' health. So I won't start really dieting until he's good on solids. Probably 9 months or so. I am watching what I am eating and after Thanksgiving I will start logging what I am eating just so I am accountable, but I can't do the big cutting of calories till later. Oh well. It will come off. And hopefully with just exercise, eating right and nursing it will naturally come off.

Well off to find some good ab exercises. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I am Kathryn.....

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And I approve this message....

I am so stinkin happy that the election is over.

I am so stinkin happy that I won't have to hear all of the stinkin ads for president. They don't tell you anything anyway. It just raises my hackles for whoever it is that's running. Why can't we have adults running for office anyway? These "men" fight like children. Puhleeze!!

Now I can watch all my favorite commercials.


Sunday, November 02, 2008


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I enjoyed my baby today.

And it was wonderful. :)