It Starts Tomorrow....

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Yes, yes I know, the New Year starts tomorrow. But what I'm talking about is so much more monumental, it's worth noting.

Tomorrow, myself, along with a whole bunch of other women are committing to praying and speaking nothing but encouragement to our husbands. I've been trying my hand at it already and good grief, it's hard! But I've already noticed a difference. There are thoughts that will come in my head to say and then I'll think "do I really need to say that? What will that accomplish, really?"

I am going to try to post on here my progress as much as possible. Ideally everyday, but I don't blog near that much anyway, and sometimes hubby needs it. So, whenever I get to it, that's when you get the update.

If you want to follow along praying for your hubby, scroll down, the introductory post with all the links and so forth is further on down.

I encourage you to do so. It might change your marriage.

Oh, and Happy New Year!

Random Thoughts About Adoption

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I wasn't going to blog today. Today being Sunday and I try not to do anything more than what is required of me, or more than I want to do. Like I'll sew on Sunday, because I LOVE it. Anyway, we have a 50th Wedding Anniversary renewal of vows down at the church in 30 mins. I'm going to be late, Nadia's napping and if I got her up in the middle of that I would first kick myself and second not really be able to see the ceremony anyway. She is a routine girl and needs her sleep. So we'll go to the reception. 50 years, can you imagine? What a blessing.
Anyway, for some reason adoption has been on my mind and I have been bombarded with it for the past week or so. I've seen commercials and heard Christian songs, even one of the blogs I frequent has an article on it. Andrew and I have both said we'd adopt and we want to. I guess I thought I wanted at least one more biological child before we did that. I love being pregnant, I love carrying a child, but I also want to open my home and my love to children who don't have that. We are trying for another child and really have only been trying for like 2 months or so. Haven't really kept track. Just kinda easin into things. I am truly content right now with Nadia. I'd be content if I got pregnant. I just am ok right now with where we are at and with what could happen. But I do want more children. And I do want to carry at least one more, but I do want to adopt. And so I don't know if God is preparing my heart for this or if it is a step we are to take right away. I don't know. Adoption is so expensive though! We are on a pastors salary. I don't know how we would be able to afford it. Seems so wrong though, when there are children who spend so much time in foster care and we could take care of them! I know, though, just because of Nadia's age, I wouldn't want to adopt any child older than what she is. I don't know why, but just seems prudent.
I am going to continue to pray about this. I've brought it up to Andrew and am not going to say anything until the Lord prompts him. Then I'll know it's time. Until then we will just be at ease with the whole TTC. I don't want to get in a tizzy about it. I did last time. If God wants us to bear another child, we will. No fussing or pushing on our part will change His time. Oh I'll still pray for it. But I will enjoy where I am at right now. And, when we get pregnant, I will enjoy that too. Did I mention I love being pregnant?

My Christmas Greeting

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Dearest Family and Friends,

Emmanuel! What a proclamation! God with us. He truly is. He is with us on the mountain top, the valley below and even in the desert wide. In those places He manifests Himself so that His purposes may come about; that we may come to know Him better and grow in closer intimacy with Him. Please let me share how He has been “Emmanuel” in many ways with us this past year.

The Christmas season 2006 was hard for us. Right around Thanksgiving we discovered black mold in Nadia's room that necessitated our finding a temporary living space. Some very good friends offered to put us up for the time it took to remediate the problem; which ended up being 6 weeks. (Thank you friends!) We got back in our house right before Christmas with a fully decorated tree and gifts waiting from an unknown source. (Thank you friends.) Our insurance came through for us and we weren't out a dime. Thank you Lord Jesus.

That December Andrew also received approval for pastoral ministry within the Eastern Region Conference. This was an encouraging bright spot for us. Thank you Jesus.

In January Andrew and I celebrated our 4^th anniversary and we also got a call about a small country church in the Northern District of ERC. It was a part time position but they wanted a full time pastor. Andrew felt God leading him to full time work so we continued to pray and wait.

A few days before Valentines Day Nadia's room was finally finished. The remediation process had left her room carpetless and with a huge gaping hole in the ceiling and wall. Andrew worked evenings and weekends on it while Nadia slept in her crib in our room. He did a fine job on it and we were happy for it to be Nadia's room again.

Then in April the family went back to PA for the annual Eastern Regional Conference. It is this conferences custom to license all ministry candidates at their annual conference. We went to that conference feeling very low. God met us in so many ways and encouraged us through many people. We left encouraged and with a possible ministry interview.

After ERC we started to have more contact with the little church up in northern PA. Since we were interviewing at the end of may with another church in PA we decided to candidate with the northern church as well. The northern church, went very well. We left energized, encouraged and very eager to pursue the next step. The other church was not in God's plan. We continued the process with the northern church, having a second candidating Sunday in June.

But just before we found out of their decision, a very good friend of mine, Sara, got married. She wed July 4 to a wonderful, Godly man, Joshua. It was a family affair. Andrew was the photographer, Nadia was the flower girl (Sara is her Godmother.) and I was the Matron of honor. I also made Sara's wedding gown. That was an awesome accomplishment. I am forever grateful to Sara for her encouragement and faith in me. She looked beautiful the day she walked down the aisle, but not because of the dress. It was a beauty that radiated from within. Thank you Sara and Josh for allowing us to be a witness of your marriage covenant.

After that we heard back from the northern church. They had unanimously accepted Andrew as their pastor. We were overjoyed. We accepted the position and started the moving process. The date of August 6 was set to move and we had lots of things to do in the time frame of about 5 weeks.

I was still working part time for the office and after they found my replacement I started to train him. We also had a laundry list of home projects we needed to get done to sell our home and we had to put our home on the market. Never mind we also needed to pack. It was a busy but a long awaited time. Nadia handled it very well and surprisingly we got it all done. August 6 found us with an empty house, a very full moving truck and a 'For Sale' sign in the front yard (by the way, as of this writing, that sign is still in that front yard, please pray for this.) and two heavily weighted down cars. Andrew's father, Bob, graciously helped us with home projects and the actual moving to PA.

We were greeted in our new home by a band of workers from the church, a full dinner and a birthday party for Nadia. (Her birthday was in two days.) Along with many other blessings received from the church, we were warmly welcomed and began to settle in to the parsonage. Andrew's Mother, Norma and his elder brother, Brian were also there to help us settle in. Andrew started officially pastoring two weeks later.

October was a busy month for us as well. Midway, Andrew was officially installed as the new pastor at the church. It was a good day. A day we had waited two years for. We definitely feel that God has prepared us for this particular body of loving, imperfect believers, and prepared them for us, an imperfect family who loves them.

We also welcomed someone new into our family, by way of marriage that is. My elder brother, John, got married on October 20 to a lovely lady I am pleased to call sister, Heather. It was a wonderfully simple wedding. We were blessed to have been there. I am excited at this new union.

Nadia throughout all of this has been doing well. She is growing and so smart. She is quite a talker and given the chance would talk the legs off a brass kettle. She loves music, loves to sing and dance and enjoys reading. She is a beautiful, healthy girl and for that we are grateful. She has been a continued blessing and a source of joy, even if she is growing all too fast.

And that has been our year. It's been a full one, but a good one. Thank you all for your prayers, we appreciate them and we felt them! Continue to pray for us as we figure out this 'pastor' thing. We continue to pray for you all as you are brought to mind.

Christmas blessings and may you know anew the true meaning of this season.

Merry Christmas!

Your Mission....

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Ladies, I've got a challenge for you. If you are married, happily or not, going to be, or just got married, this challenge is for you. This subject is near and dear to my heart. I don't want to taint your decision too much, but I encourage you to click on the following links and decide for yourself.

30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/30DayChallenge.pdf

Not sure what the difference is between these two pages, but I have printed them both off to do this challenge. I will be doing this starting Jan 1, 2008. I will be putting weekly updates during this challenge. Please let me know if you are considering doing this.

I believe this could profoundly change our marriages, our families and, inevitably, our country. Join with me, won't you?

Zee Cookies....

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I was hoping I had at least one cookie left to take a picture of. These things are sooooo addicting! And since I got the go-ahead from Erin, I will share with you. I so highly recommend these cookies. They simply are the best. I kid you not. I have a new favorite!

Chocolate Truffle Cookies
1.25 c. Butter or margarine, softened
2.25 c. powdered sugar
.3 c. baking cocoa
.25 c sour cream
1 Tbls vanilla
2.25 c. flour
2 c. chocolate chips
.25 c chocolate sprinkles

Delicious Directions: Cream butter, sugar and cocoa until light and fluffy. Beat in sour cream and vanilla. Add flour, mix well. Stir in chocolate chips. Refrigerate 1 hour. Roll into 1 inch balls, dip one side in sprinkles. Place, sprinkled side up, 2 inches apart on ungreased baking sheet. Bake @ 325 degree oven for 10 mins. Cool 5 mins before removing. (Make sure to put the cookie dough back in the frig between ball formations.)
And because there is no eggs in it, you can eat the dough. Therefore, I have no idea how many cookies this recipe makes. But they are so good, baked or unbaked, or half baked, or frozen or or or....

Let me know if you make these, they are sooooo good!

Thank you Erin! You can find her blog here.

A Story In Pictures

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What have I been up to? Well instead of just telling you I am going to bombard you with pictures because we took so many the past weekend and some are sooooo cute!















You haven't seen Nadia for a while and this was just adorable! She is sooooo cute! Yeah, I know, I'm biased. But I can be!














One cannot have too much cuteness in a day. So here is more.















Hubby took this one. The arm is a friend of ours. Just reminds me of what we are to be doing everyday. Reaching out to God. But He also reaches out to us.















This is my latest sewing project completed. This is Nadia's Christmas present. It is a denim pocket quilt. I got the idea from here. I made it out of an old green skirt of mine and two pairs of old jeans from Andrew. It is so nice. I was very pleased at how well it turned out. It is large so it will grow with her and she can keep little buddies or whatever in the pockets. She loves blankets.




















Here Nadia is helping with cleanup from cookie making (don't worry, it doesn't have any eggs.) This recipe came from my Secret Sister on crosswalk. We love these cookies and so does everyone else who eats them. Erin, can I share the recipe?














This is my VBFF (very best female friend!) of all time, Sara. She and her hubby Josh finally got to visit this past weekend. I missed her so. Here we are making supper and hammin' it for the camera.














We are having a bloodmobile at the church tomorrow and I volunteered to make cornbread. This is one of three cakes of the stuff. So good. I am also taking some of the leftover cookies from the party on sunday (went well) and helping the canteen. I might also give a pint. I need a new t-shirt. :)




















And finally, our humble tree. It was a pre-lit from Walmart for very very little money. But I love it and it is beautiful. Surprisingly Nadia is leaving it pretty well alone. But, we still have the durable ornaments on the bottom. :)

Enjoy!

Socks

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And now for something completely different.....

I give you......... socks. :)













































Thank you SS!


Photography done by my hubby.

Winterizing and Saving On the Bills

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It's winter in upstate PA. Oy. It's cold. And the wind is blowing, reminding me just how cold it is. Now, we live in a parsonage, which is just like renting, only we don't pay for anything. Well, we don't pay for our heating or our electric, however, eventually it would get back to us. If it took more out of the church's coffers, then it might mean less out of the pay. Not only that, but we want to be good stewards of what we have. I learned some of living since we've gotten married. Seems like God put us in the pot rather early and so I've learned how to 'make-do' with what I've got.

Here's what I'm doing:

We've got a heat leaky house. The windows are single-paned and don't latch well. There is no gasket (I can't think of what that's called, but it's the stuff in between the window and the window frame.) One particularly windy night I could see the window shades moving. Too drafty. So I did this:
This is a window quilt. I don't know if that's the true name of it, but that's what I'm calling it. It is a quilt, the size of my window, put right in the frame. It seals the perimeter of the window, while creating a second, thermal pane. I made it out of a layer of ewy cotton that I wouldn't use for anything else, an old blanket for the batting and then muslin for the front. I do still have window shades for looks, but this is what keeps it warm. This is our guest room window (one of them) and this was the draftiest room. It is now the warmest room in the house. I have one in each window in the guest room and one in Nadia's window. Her room faces the prevaling wind out here and so gets some pretty good gusts.
I also did this (and while this isn't a novel idea, it still works.)

It's a window snake. This is our bathroom window and it too faces the prevailing winds. I needed a quick fix for the window as the quilts do take a bit of time. This is just a flannel tube with fabric scraps inside. I made it a bit flexible so that I could shove it in the cracks and kind of mold it to the shape I needed it. I also have one in the study, which also is facing the prevailing wind. I hope to have a quilt in this room too. There's nothing like a stark artic wind on your bare thigh to wake you up in the morning!


And on another note of saving money, I have made a 'web' of sorts of my basement. The Lord has blessed us with a huge basement. I am putting it to good use. My poor clothes dry hardly gets used anymore. I have strung laundry line all over the basement. It takes about 24 hours for a load to get dry. I don't mind. The furnace is down there so that helps and our clothes are lasting longer. I am also washing all of our laundry with cold water (except diapers, that still gets the hot stuff). And all of it, including the whites, come out wonderfully. Now since we've gotten a little bit more money coming in, I can invest in a higher quality laundry detergent. I am serious, I see the difference and I use so much less per load than my arm and hammer. It is worth it. Plus it doesn't have the harsh smells like the other stuff does. That junk bothers me. I also was able to buy the fabric softener. That is the one thing I will say for hanging laundry, it does have an exfoliating quality to it. I also use two tablespoons of baking soda in each load. I believe that helps.

I also took advantage of the turkey sales and got a huge one. I baked it up (then opened the oven door after baking), picked it, packaged and froze it. I have like at least 10 meals from that one bird. I also got another turkey for later. I was buying a whole bunch of beef, but my last period was very painful and we just started eating more red meat, so I am attributing it to the hormones in the meat. I am trying to revert back to our 'slim' menus. Fish, poultry, beans and the like for a month to see if it makes a difference. That is, if I get a period. Anyway.

That's what we are doing to save a little more money. I won't know if it's making a difference, as we don't see those bills, but I am trusting it is.

BTW, I am eating pickles and mild pepper rings.

Consistency

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I am trying to maintain some consistency with my blogging and in light of my past post I thought I'd send an update your way.

It's been a week and a half and I have not slapped Nadia. Now I did yell like once or twice, but at least I can count it on one hand the number of times. I am doing well. But it is the Lord, I tell ya. He is my strength, and he is my 'whisperer' in my ear. He reminds me and stays my hand. I am blessed. Thank you Lord.

Andrew has noted that our house is more peaceful and quiet. Meals are more enjoyable.

Now you might say, is Nadia just being better? Nooooooooooooo. In fact, she's worse. Well I should say she is throwing more tantrums and still getting into the same number of things, but overall she is responding faster now to my voice. Which is a good thing. I wanted that. Especially when something is dangerous. She threw the worst tantrum I've seen yet. It was this morning. She wanted to wear her PJ's all day. Oy.

There is more laughter, more rest, and more play in our house. It's good.

Conviction

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It has come to my attention (aka, I've been convicted) of several things. My daughter and I both have colds. Not so big, but she is just a tad harder to deal with and I am a little more short tempered when I am sick. Put us both together like that and its a recipe for malcontent.
Some background: Nadia and I have difficulty getting along of late. It could be that she's 2, or it could be me, or both. I have a tendency to yell and slap too much. I am also a perfectionist when it comes to being a mother. I have this fear that I am going to mess her up. But the thing of it is, I cannot do everything perfectly when it comes to her! I am not going to parent all right, all the time. That frustrates me, because I don't want to mess her up. I just need to accept that. I have a tendency to yell at her when she is not doing what I want her to do. And at the end of the day, when she's been in bed, I feel that ominous guilt. I feel so bad! I really do love my little girl. I struggled with connecting with her for a long time, but I can finally say that I feel love for her. But yesterday, with a combo of the above things and being home with her all day, I lost it. And while I was ashamed for my behavior, I am thankful that God has redeemed it. He convicted me of several things. Because of my foggy cold mind I am going to list them, because I just need to get it out:

1. I yell and slap too much.
   
2. I have a victim mentality
3. I am a negative person.
4. I am allowing my anger to control me.

I know I have the ability for self control, I have lost 121 pounds and that takes a lot of will power and self control. However, I was relying on myself for the ability to control my anger and also the answers on how to raise my child. That was foolish thinking. I cannot perfectly rear my child, however, I can partner with a perfect God to help me. In response to #1 I am not going to slap my child anymore, I am not saying spanking is not good, I am saying it is not good for me. I need a clear boundary and this will be it. Maybe it will change, but for now. I am also going to try to maintain a spirit of peace in this house. My husband is the spiritual head of the house, however, I am the general manager of the house and therefore I do set the tone of the house. It has not been peace for a while. For this, I am going to stop yelling. I am going to take a small moment before I respond to my child in her whatever to talk to the Lord. "What am I to do about this? How do You want me to respond to her right now?" 5 seconds more of a tantrum is worth it to hear the Lord.
A lot of my attitude has been because I feel like life is happening to me. Woe is me, I have another cold. Woe is me, my child is waking up at night. Woe is me, woe is me! Wow, talk about a victim mentality. No wonder the mood of the house is dreary. I am choosing against this. Part of this is a negative attitude. I am going to choose to look at life through realistic eyes. Not negative, and not really positive, because this too can be annoying. But rather, realistic eyes. Yes, I have a cold, but it will get better, I can still function. Yes, Nadia got up last night, but at least I got lots of sleep, not like newborn days.
You know I deal with anger. But also part of my revelation has been that I allow my anger to control me. Not anymore. It's not right and a lot of people I love are getting hurt in the process.
Unfortunately a lot of this will be healed through process. I need to be in situations that anger me, annoy me. And unfortunately it seems that the Lord is using my daughter to do this. I have to ask Him why, I don't want her hurt. But it seems that He is. I can only trust Him that he knows what He is doing.
Throughout this whole process I have come to a scripture that speaks to me.

31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." 33 They answered Him, "We are Abraham's descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can you say, 'You will be made free'?" 34 Jesus answered them, "Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. 35 And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. 36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.

This comes from John 8. And the part that struck me is that to be free to be truley free, I need to abide in His Word. The Holy word. The Blessed Word from the mouth of God. And I know that, but needed to be reminded.

8 For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.

This comes from 1 Timothy 4. I spend a lot of time in exercise, well about an hour a day. What would happen to me if I spent just as much time reading His word? I was convicted. I am not saying that spending an hour working out is bad, I believe it's good. But I also need to exercise myself in godliness too.

So with all of this, I am convicted. Thank you Father for that. Thank You that You don't let us to wallow in our muck. You help us out. Thank You.

Remiss

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I apologize for being so remiss in my blogging of late. I realize that I haven't been on here for some time. It's been busy. I can't even remember the last update I gave.

Andrew had his birthday at the end of September, his parents were up to celebrate it. That was nice. I'm almost ashamed to say the thoughts I am having towards my own. It's always around my birthday that I feel the most forgotten. It seems that no one cares about it or even remembers. I feel like I have to remind most people. My own mother sends me an e-card. She's never been really good at mail cards or presents. And my MIL is really good at this stuff, and most years I can count on some birthday money to do something I want to with, but last year I didn't get anything. Andrew got just about everything on his list. They asked what he wanted and he got it. Nadia gets tons of gifts from everyone. I realize she's a child and the first grandchild so that means she'll get more.
I guess I'm just not holding my breath for this years birthday. My parents are in NM, so they probably won't be visiting. Andrew's parents aren't planning on being up just because it's so close to Thanksgiving and we are coming down for that. Probably won't do my birthday at Thanksgiving anyway. It's just a birthday, but it's my day. I've always thought of my birthday as my special day. Seems no one else sees it that way. The church even made a big to-do about Andrew's birthday and Nadia's, even threw her a big party. I don't think anyone knows my birthday. I keep telling Andrew I want to go out for dinner on my birthday, get something nice and I want just one piece of cake for my birthday. I do want a present (you who are married know you have to spell this out for your hubby.) And one of my love languages is gifts. I'm sorry, but it just is. And maybe this is just one big pity party, but this is my personal soap box so I can say it if I want to. I just needed to get that out. And maybe I'm just being hormonal. I dunno.
Anyway, we celebrated Andrew's birthday, I gave him a homemade vest that turned out exceptionally well. I was also able to get up the quilted window coverings in Nadia's room. They are basically the size of a lap quilt, but it holds the heat in and cold out much better than what we can buy with the money we have. Plus they look cute. I am pleased. We have just one paned windows in the house that don't seal very well. The guest room has one window that actually has a breeze coming in when it's shut. The church plans on replacing the windows next spring. So one winter is all we need to, um, winter.
Then two weeks later we had Andrew's installation, his parents were up for that. Andrew is now the official pastor at our church. It was a joyous day. I made Sweet Vanilla Challah. A celebration bread, that I thought was very appropriate.
Then last weekend my brother got married to a wonderful young woman. (I can say that, she's one year younger than me.) The wedding was beautiful. Andrew did the pictures for it, I watched Nadia. My father married them and my mother did the music. It was a definite family affair. I am proud to have Heather as a SIL. I pray this marriage lasts. Both my brother and Andrew's have or are going through a divorce. Divorce is nasty. I don't like it. I pray for peace, growth and commitment in this marriage. Heather seems better for John. I can only hope they have Christ as their center.
My parents visited with us after the wedding for a few days. That was nice. They hadn't seen our home yet and it was nice to have them visit for a while. Nadia enjoyed having them around. I did to. Although I do notice my mother going the way of my grandmother. My full-blooded Russian grandmother was found miles away from her home, lost and unable to get home by a state trooper. She has since been put in a nursing home, in the Alzheimer's ward, where she cannot get out. I do not have a good relationship with my grandmother. Boys were everything in her book. I was always fat. When my mom and dad went to visit her, my mother could not find one picture of herself amongst my grandmothers pictures. How sad. There was one little picture of John and I. It's so strange. Because with both of my grandmothers, my family was the ones that were around them and helped them the most. Now when the chips are down (I'm not talking money either) they want nothing to do with us! I don't understand it. At any rate, I feel convicted that I need to visit my grandmother. She's going downhill fast. I wonder if she'll even recognize me. The last she saw I was still very overweight. I might still be in her eyes. (I was able to fit into a size 10 jeans yesterday and that was pre-period!) But I am going to go. I am taking my husband, I am taking my daughter. And I will leave if she starts to pick on any of us. There is no need for that. I will do what I need to do. So that was up until today.
My heart has been contemplating circumcision. Not for me, but for any future boys we might have. I was really stark about getting it done, but once I saw one done on a little boy, I had a hard time justifying something that scripture says we no longer need to do. Did you know that the circumcision they do to day is not the circumcision they performed in the old testament? In the OT they just snipped the small part of the foreskin that protruded from the end of the penis. Not this whole taking off of the foreskin. Andrew is reconsidering it, having it done the old way, but I want nothing to do with it. I cannot in good conscious do something that scripture says we don't need to do. My mother heart cringes for boys we do not have. Maybe I won't have to make that decision, maybe we'll have all girls. Chances are though, we'll have at least one. At any rate, I've been struggling with that and really questioning it. If you have any insights I'd love to hear them.
Well I think I've made up for my long silence. Blessings to you

My Journey Part 1

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I've been inspired to write about my weight loss journey. I figure I'll start from the beginning. I was always overweight. I mean, I was born at an average weight, but when you grow up on a farm where there are meat and potatoes for much of the meals in your formative years, one can only guess that you'll put on a few pounds. I was pleasingly plump when I was young. I would go to gramma's house, who always had soda, ice cream, cookies and whole milk for our snacks. I can't remember healthy snacks like banana's, or apples being around. It was always a huge bowl of ice cream. With Hershey's syrup dribbled on top. It was good. I loved it.
Now keep in mind, I did grow up on a farm. We did have fresh veggies in the summer, that we ate in abundance. Towards the end of the summer every night was corn on the cob (slathered in butter) and sliced tomatoes (with my mom's homemade mayo on top, like .5 cup of oil in each batch). During the winter there was my gramma's scalloped potatoes, apple pies, mac n cheese (oh, I'd break my diet for a dish of that right now, there are some things worth the calories!) and other assundry items. Eating at my house and my gramma's house was good. Too good. My the time I was in 3rd grade I weighed 100lbs. I still remember being in the nurses office with my class and the nurse shouting the weight across the room to the teacher over everyone's head. Humiliating. Anyway. I was big.
Most of my pictures, when I was young, I was overweight. My brother made fun of me. My maternal grandmother made fun of me. She once called me a tub of lard. That hurt. It still does. One of the reasons I can't bring up the gumption to go see her. Even though she's only 3 hours away. But yet, she'd call me fat and then turn around and feed me, stuff me full of food, feel my stomach to make sure it was full. I never understood her philosophy of eating and being fat.
When I was 7 or 8, my mom got on a real health kick. I mean, it was extreme. The thing is, she's never gotten off of it. She put my brother and me on an extreme diet. Sugars, white flours, dairy, basically all of the food groups we ate were cut out of our diet. It put strain on our family, strain on our budget (health food is expensive! and even more so 20 years ago), a strain on my parents marriage. And nevermind, we didn't eat that way when we went to gramma's. We'd sneak back and eat cookies, candy and ice cream. And my gramma would say 'you daren't (have you heard that word in a while?) have that, but here you go'. Completely usurping my mother's rule. I can see why that relationship is strained now.
There was one extreme diet that my mom had us on, it was so low cal it's not funny. I lost so much weight being on it. I have one picture of me, thin, in my childhood and its from that picture.
The thing about those diets were that, my brother and I cheated every moment we got. And we went overboard. We ate more than what we probably would've if we would've been allowed a treat every now and then. I can remember hiding icing containers under my dresser in my room and sitting in the privacy of my room, eating finger full after finger full of icing. Disgusting. How shameful.
So that was my childhood, basically. I was heavy, my mother put us on diets and I still really never learned how to eat right, or how to stay at a good weight. I learned extremes in eating. And those lessons served me for a long time.

8 Random Facts About Me.... (YAY! I've been tagged!)

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These are the rules of being tagged: RULES - Post rules before giving the facts - Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves - People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules - At the end of the your blog you need to tag (hopefully) six people and list their names - Leave them a comment on their blog, telling them they have been tagged and not to forget to read your blog.

*8 Random Facts About Me......

1. I know how to milk cows. I grew up on a farm and we had a milk cow. I learned by age five. We had one cow that got pregnant way too young and her teets were too little for my fathers hands. I was her milker till we could dry her up. Her calf didn't live, she was that small.
2. I don't color my hair, it is the color God gave me. I did, one time for my 21st birthday, got subtle (read, invisible) highlights. My former SIL gave them to me. I felt like something special.
3. I buy 50lb bags of ww flour to make our bread products every 4 months. I use Wheat Montana Flour. It is actually a white whole wheat, which is a whole wheat, but they use a spring wheat berry that grinds to a whiter color than the red wheat berry. So it is 100% whole wheat, but just whiter. I can use it interchangeably with bleached flour and get better, higher quality baking products with it.
4. I use a food co-0p. It is from Frankferd Farms Foods. They specialize in organic foods. I'm not all that intersted about that, but the prices are better and that's what I'm in for. I got involved when Nadia wouldn't drink cow's milk, but would eat whole milk yogurt from Stonyfield Farms (which is $$$). But from the co-op it is much much cheaper.
5. I nursed Nadia exactly 2 years. And she never got a drop of formula. I actually miss nursing. :( But I wanted to stop before I hated it. I'm glad I stopped when I did.
6. I feel like a terrible mother sometimes. I'm sure we all do. Does that mean we are good mothers, when we feel like bad ones?
7. I have less clothes in my closet than my husband. Mainly because I keep loosing weight so quickly I don't have the time to bulk up on my supply. And my hubby on the other hand stays at the same weight for years, grrr, and obtains all his friends, um, too small clothes. His clothing replicates like rabbits.
8. I like historical fiction novels, but haven't been able to put my hands on one for a while. The libraries here are either out of reach (construction) or not so good. I did read Lord of the Flies, which was gruesome to say the least!

Now I've got to tag some people.

Shannon


Oh fiddlesticks, that's all I can think of. Everyone else I've thought of has been tagged. bummer.

I am me....

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I am a Runner.

I am a homemade breadmaker.

I am a Sam's club shopper.

I am a calorie counter.

I am a worry wart.

I am MAMA!

I am a natural blond.

I am 5'6.

I am a cook.

I am a Little House On the Prairie fan.

I am a cloth diaperer.

I am a 34D. *blush*

I am a third generation Russian.

I am a mutt (because I am also Irish, Scottish, English and German.)

I am an early riser.

I am a breastfeeding advocate.

I am a weight loss success.

I am a wife.

I am a sister.

I am an ebayer.

I am a Goodwiller.

I am a bargain shopper.

I am a daughter.

I am a friend.

I am married to a pastor.

I am the pastors wife. :)

I am a seamstress.

I am a lover.

I am loved.

I am a writer and poet.

I am an artist.


But of all the things that I am, the one thing that I am for sure is a daughter of THE GREAT I AM.



I am just 'here, I am.'

Just Floatin.....Like on a big wide ocean......

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Out to the sea..................


Life is good.


I guess I've lived off of that last post for far too long. I figured that since it was such a milestone, I could let it linger a bit longer than usual.

Anyway, life is good. We are getting more and more settled. I think only the study needs to be organized. But that is hubby's area, so it may take longer, as he is busy with church and such. I'm getting to know the area more. I've even found an ob/gyn that I think will be good. I have an appt with her for a yearly in a few weeks. I haven't had one for two years. But, hey, that's ok. I'm not on drugs, only one guy and no problems.

I've always had a voice in my head. It's always there. I don't know when it started, but it's always there. Now before you go calling the paddywagon to take me away, it's not like an audible voice. It's more like a thought, or a screen. Most of the life that I experience is filtered through a screen of weight. When I wake up in the morning I think about what and when I will eat for breakfast. After breakfast I think about when I can eat again. And so on for meals. When I meet another woman, I think "Oh, goodness, she's so much skinnier than I am. I need to loose weight." I am too ashamed to say that I feel relief when I meet someone who's the same weight or heavier than me. I've lost all this weight and all I can see is the rolls still on the front of me, all of the fat on my behind and my heavy thighs. It seems like this is always a voice telling me that I need to loose weight or that I'm not skinny enough. And food! What a love hate relationship I have with it. I love to eat, but it is such a temptation. And I wish I wasn't such a good cook. I cook good tasting food. I wish I wasn't thinking like this all the time. It just seems that everything that comes into my sensory from one way or another is filtered critically through this screen. I feel good if I've eaten only fruits and veggies or if my caloric intake is soooo below 1500 calories. It's like I'm ok then. If I eat too much (ie - 1600 calories) then I have to justify that it's ok. It's only this one time. It won't happen again. And when I step on the scale in the morning and my weight is up a pound or two I think back to what I ate the day before so as to cause such a drastic weight gain. When I know that this extra that or this couldn't cause me to gain 2 pounds overnight. This thinking is everywhere, in everything!
And yes, there are times that I look in the mirror and think "wow, I have lost a lot of weight and yes, I do look great." But my eyes go to the areas that are too big. I don't think I'll ever get rid of this dough belly. And that's not all Nadia either, it's just being so gosh darned heavy for so long. I have it on my arms too. It's just like excess skin. Yuk.
Does anyone else have this voice? This filter? Please tell me I'm not the only one.

I'm Half The Woman I Used To Be.....

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Well, I lost that last pound. I did it. It's done. Over. Completed. I can't believe it. I have lost 115 pounds. WooHoo!! But just so you know I haven't been fibbing to you for the past 9 months, here are some photo's of myself before, almost 8 years ago:



























And here I am now:

























I know I don't have all that great of a smile in this pic, but you get a more 'natural' look-see.






















And thanks to my multi-talented, photographer, pastor and hubby for making me look like a model of sorts. (Ain't he hansome? Don't you know he's sitting right here reading this?) Har har har.


So there you have it folks, I lost my weight and I don't know where to find it. I mean, come on, that's a lot of weight! That's like another person, or a huge Labrador retriever, or four tires on a car (well I could say something about tires on me, but I'll save that for another time). I digress. Now I just have to maintain. Actually, according to all of the ideal weight calculators, they say I have to loose another 10 lbs. Well I'm going to work at staying here, so, in all reality, that means I'll probably continue to loose weight. But I won't be hyper about it. I'm just going to keep on trucking and eventually my body will settle at a weight that is good for me. For right now if the scale never budges from 165 I'll be ok with that. That was my goal. And that's where I'm at. Oh and as for pregnancy? I'll still count calories, although I'll seek to eat a bit more, but still have a limit and I'll continue to exercise. It seems that I need to
write down what I eat, or I just have no idea as to what's going in my mouth.

Oh and I do get a reward. I chose a beautiful ring (actually I haven't bought it yet, I have to see if they can size it down that far.) But here it is:





Since I don't know about copyrights and stuff like that on the net, this is where I got the picture from Dakota Exchange on ebay. I hope that works.

Well anyway, just wanted to share that with you. Thanks for egging me on and keep on to those who are trying, you can do it!

Potpourri

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Forgive me, I haven't felt much like blogging since we got back on the net. I'm just so tired. Oh, we don't have very many things to unpack yet, just still trying to get in a groove. I've been taking naps the past couple of weeks when Nadia lays down. Just a little 30 min thing, it helps.

We are just about all set up in this house. I love it here. I've been a bit of a bear lately. And I thank the Lord for showing that to me. I think it was being used to hinder Andrew in setting up a ministry. You know, stealing his joy. Nadia's just been especially trying of late. I'm trying to spend more time with her and be more understanding of her needs. I realize that most of the time when she is acting up she either needs educated as to what we want her to do, or she has a need. Like love and attention, or helping her to learn self control, or re-direct. Sometimes it's just easier to yell. I am so embarrassed by that. But it is. It's harder to act in a loving manner towards my child. But it so hurts at the end of the day when she's gone to bed and the only interaction she's had with me is not what I had imagined with my child.

Been thinking of having another one. How do you do it with two? I am sort of scared. Having one took me by surprise and I am just a little scared about how I am going to react to having two. Who knows? Maybe I'll be great! I hope so. Look positively, look positively. I'll make it, I'll do it. I know I will. God is my strength.

I have at least three sewing projects that I am so not wanting to get done. I think I sewed enough for a year with Sara's dress. Two vests for Andrew and curtains for the kitchen. They are all relatively easy, but I just don't have the want to to get it done. I will, I think, this afternoon. Maybe Nadia will let me. Hah!

Oh and as of this morning, I have 1 big ol pound to go to get to my goal weight. YAY! I am currently a Med top, 12 in jeans and 10 in skirts. I can't believe it. I have lost 114 pounds so far. I can't believe it. I was a big woman. Maybe next time I blog I will have lost that pound and will have some pics for you. I will also post a before picture. So anyway.

I am going to go blow bubbles with Nadia right now, in lieu of trying to spend more quality time with her. Tonight is pizza night. I love pizza night.

She woke up early from her nap, but she is in a good mood, so I guess that means she had a good nap, right? Experienced mothers tell me this, please.....

Later.

Opening Another Box

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When I opened this blog for the first time in two weeks, ie-got on the net for the first time in two weeks, I felt like I was opening yet another box that I had taped shut not so long ago. It's been so long and so much has happened since I last got on here. Where do I start?

Well the end of our last week in our old house found me scurrying around, packing last minute things, taking care of a little girl and trying to keep my wits about me with my husband and FIL (grrr) working household projects all around. Things got done. The truck was packed Sunday afternoon (after a scarey delay in actually getting the truck and a nice steady downpour of rain right before it arrived.) And we left our home of 5 years, the one so many memories were made in, on Monday morning. The drive to our new home was uneventful. We got here and there was a crew waiting to unload the truck. Hallelujah! My MIL and BIL were here, God-sends, those two. And a huge welcome crew from the church. We are so blessed. They had a hot dinner ready at the church, with a birthday party for Nadia! She turned two last wednesday. They even got the crib put together, and one of the ladies from the church went to the city to get barrel nuts that I lost from the crib, so that it could be put together correctly. The truck was unloaded in about two hours. Wow! Nadia finally got to bed around 9pm. For those of you who know me well, that was a lot for me. Poor little thing was wasted. We all slept soundly that night, and Andrew and I slept in our bed that night. YAY!

I think I am going to do this in spurts. As I am tired. I am also heading into a visit with Aunt Flo so I am cranky, hormonal and EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT! So I will post the next couple of days tomorrow. But we are here, we are settled, pretty much and finally back into somewhat of a routine. Thank you God for all Your blessings.

PS-we have health insurance starting Sept 1. It's probably just about the best we could get. I am so very thankful, you cannot know. This means......BABIES!! Oh, I'm not pregnant yet, the insurance agent actually told us to wait to try until January. Just to make sure we'd be covered. Anyway. I'll tell you more about that too.

Later!

It's Down To The Wire Now...

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It's less than a week till we move. I think it's taking it's toll on me. I've been nauseous the past two weeks off and on. No, I'm not pregnant. I haven't even ovulated yet. I know these things, I keep very close tabs on them. It's stress. I know that.
Things are coming together. We have very little to pack now. I mean, yeah, we have things to pack, but most of it can be done within a day or two. You know, it's the last minute stuff.
Andrew heard from the church. We had told them that our move date originally was two weeks later, so they planned on that. But then we moved it up, because that's when most of our help could come. And so the church had already made plans for their pulpit supply pastor to have his last sunday on the 12. Well that would be our first sunday. So, Andrew won't be preaching, which will be nice. We will be able to just go to church and concentrate that week previous on settling in. Nice. His first official day will be August 14, board meeting. Which is in the evening and so he has basically one whole week to focus on settling in and two weeks until a sunday. I'm excited.
He's been going through his childhood this past weekend and selling it on ebay. YAY! He's made quite a sum. I'm glad for that. It will help with moving in that, less to move and more money with which to move.
Oh and our first sunday there is the sunday school picnic. It's at a parishioners house who has a pool. I pray I don't have my cycle. I pray I have less cellulite. I pray I can find my swimsuit. I bought a new one. It looks really nice.
Today was our last sunday at our church. It's bittersweet. Many didn't know it was our last sunday. I will miss them. The sermon was very apropos. It seems that God is wasting no time in using our last month of sundays to prep us or explain to us His meaning for the last year. It has been good.
Well I am going to go on hiatus for a bit as I don't know when we will be back on after we move. I don't suppose it will be long, but I will just ask for prayers and thank you for those prayers.
We pack the truck August 5 and move out August 6.
Hopefully the next update you get, I'll be in PA!
Blessings.

We've Got a Date!

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It's with a moving truck! We finally got our date for moving nailed down. We are moving August 6. I know I know, it's soon, but the day we found out we were moving, July 9, I packed a box. And have been packing boxes ever since. Most of our stuff is packed. We've been humming right along and I'm actually quite pleased with our progress. So is hubby. Although, our house is small and our garage is eclectically organized (read: A MESS!). So we cannot store our boxes in there until we move. Soooooo we have boxes lined up, stacked up, stored up in the hallway, in our room, in the living room, basically any available space that is not occupied, or is not required for living at this point. It's cramped. But we don't care! We are leaving in...ACK! TWO WEEKS! breathe in breathe out.........


My last day at work is Tuesday, that is, if my trainee needs me to come in. He's catching on very quickly and I might not have to. Hubby's last day at work is Friday and then my father in law is coming out to help with carpentry type things. He will be helping to drive one of the vehicles to the church. What a blessing. And my bff will be coming the weekend before we go to help with Nadia and packing last minute things. We have such a list of things to do to the house before we put it up for sale. But God is good. We will get done what needs to be done. I am already impressed with how well we are moving and so I am not worrying about those things.

We are attending our former church tomorrow. We left with them knowing we were leaving, so we can go back to say final goodbyes. Then, Sunday evening, we are attending our church picnic. I love church picnics. Nadia should be a riot. Looking forward to it, it's a good way to chat with everyone before we go. It's interesting, because at last years picnic we had just gotten back from a regional approval meeting that went very wrong. Now were are going to say goodbye. It's good.

Well I had better go. I've got so many things to do and I do want to get some time to rest.

Oh, did I mention? I got to 169!!!! I have just 4lbs to go to get to my goal weight. That's right, just FOUR measly pounds. I'm ecstatic. I still haven't figured out what I am going to do to celebrate. 115lbs is a lot of weight to loose, I definitely need to celebrate. I'll let you know what I figure out. You think too. I welcome ideas.

Have a great evening!

Organized Chaos....Well Sort Of

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My house is in a state of disarray right now. Oh I'm sure it's not THAT bad, but there are boxes everywhere, some half full of JUNK and empty boxes and full boxes, just lying around. I have piles of stuff for freecycle and things to pitch. It seems that my daughter has noted these changes and is deciding that NOW would be a great time to lapse into the terrible twos. NO NO NO NO! (her and well, me too.) She wants to do everything herself, which makes me sloooow down. She wants something, then doesn't want it. She won't eat her meals, but cries for food as soon as she's put down. Ugh. I am very frustrated at this point and usually around 6:30 I can't wait for her to be in bed, but then after she goes to bed I feel so bad about how the day went. Oh, I'm getting better, I am learning the best approach is to be firm and stay with what I told her, but do it in a low, calm, hushed voice. Raising my voice only makes her worse.
Not only that, but I am trying to be cheerful and chipper for when my husband comes home. I want to be sure that home is a welcome place for him to be and come to at the end of the day. That is really hard when at around 5pm I am trying to get dinner on so that my husband can have a hot meal to eat, have a hungry, cranky, tired toddler who is clinging to me, asking to watch, needing help with something or just whining and try to have a wonderful welcome for my husband. What I'd like to have happen, this would be my ideal homecoming for hubby. Nadia is sitting on the floor, coloring, smiling brightly as her father walks through the door. My hair is neatly up swept in a cute bun and I am wearing just a touch of lipstick and makeup. Supper is just about done, which, by the way, has been wafting out the open window enticing my husband to come in. Then as he walks through the door, I meet him with a kiss, a cold glass of water and I proceed to take off his shoes for him. Meanwhile Nadia nicely says "papa!" runs over waiting for him to pick her up. That would be my ideal. Here is what really happens. Nadia is right at my feet, arms outstretched, whining, begging to watch or something. There is stuff (read: toys) strewn about all over the kitchen floor. The table is not made, I have not even lip balm on, let alone makeup. My hair is up swept alright, but with in a messy something-or-other with a wooden stick through it. Supper is no where near being done, but it does smell nice. Hubby walks through the door and Nadia launches herself towards him, throwing herself at him, hollering 'UP UP UP'. I greet hubby with an exasperated, audible sigh and a grimace. To which he says 'that bad?' He peels Nadia from his leg to sit and take off his shoes. Then, maybe then, I hand him cool tap water.
I suppose it's not all that bad. I mean it could be worse, I could be watching soaps or something and suppers in the freezer. I guess I'm not all that bad. But still I think things could be better and I want them to be. However, until we get settled again in a new house, it's going to be ruckus.
Which I don't know why I called this organized chaos. I am an organized person, but this whole process of packing, moving and getting gone is anything but organized. Chaotic? Yes. Very.
Well I'd better stop flabberjawin' and getting to packing.

Ol Dan Tucker was a fine ol man
Washed his face in a fryin pan
Combed his hair with a wagon wheel
Died with a toothache in his heel

Get outta the way for ol dan tucker
he's too late to get his supper...

If You're Happy And You Know It...

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Clap your hands, do a dance, shout for joy, bake a cake, go to dinner, kiss your hubby, squeeze your child, call some friends, quit your job, paint a room, put on a closet door, lay down some mulch, fix the house, pack the house, put the house up for sale, rent a moving truck, pack said moving truck, drive to another state, set up home in a new house, start pastoring a church......


And all of this because the northern church approved Andrew to be their new pastor!

We, of course, said yes and these are just some of the things we will be doing in the next month.



Pray for us.

I wish blogger had smilies, I will put a bouncey one right here. *bounce bounce bounce* Imagine tigger.......

A Wedding Date

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My very best girl friend got married yesterday. It was a beautiful day. And it was a joy to be able to share in it. Our day started at 5.30 at a hotel with toddler in tow. Hubby was the photographer, daughter was flower girl and I was matron of honor, gown seamstress, assistant to the photographer and anything else that was needed at the moment. The night before I had noticed that the dress was lacking an essential french tack at the very center back seam. She requested a wrist loop instead of bustling and the tack was needed to make the satin and lining lay right. I thought I had put it in. I guess I hadn't. Also when I took the dress out of the cleaners bag, it was horribly wrinkled. So I got a hold of a iron and steam/ironed the dress hanging. Anyway, early the morning of the wedding I was putting a french tack in the dress, only took like 5 minutes, but still, I wanted to be done with sewing before the day of the wedding. Oh well. I got myself ready and then assisted the bride with her underthings, the dress, hair and makeup. It was fun!!!

The wedding itself was just beautiful. Christ was honored and invited to the wedding and the marriage. I have no doubt that He will be center of their lives. The groom was dressed in his Navy Whites, looking hansome. They made a beautiful couple. Nadia did incredibly well with being the flower girl. I walked with her and she just threw those petals very well. I was impressed and very proud of her.
Hubby did well with the pictures, turning all professional, as he usually does. I will try to get a picture on here before too long.
Nadia went all day running around like a nut, without a nap. Got 1.5 meals and slept like a rock last night. But she didn't take much of a nap today, I can't understand it. But she did this too when she was younger. If she got less, much less sleep the night/day before she wouldn't sleep well the next day. Odd.
We all were running around and on our feet a lot. I got to even dance with my hubby! I don't get to do that very much. I enjoyed it.
I can't wait until she gets back, but I remember what it was like when I got married. I only wanted to be with Andrew, so I am going to be understanding. I remember. Whether that makes it right or not, I don't know.
The dress looked very nice. I got a lot of compliments on it. A lot of people thought it was professionally done. Really?! Well, now that's a compliment. The bride thought I should go into it as a side job. Geee! I don't know if I want to do another one again! It was an accomplishment, something to put in the books, but, well, we'll see. Those things are tough! Time consuming! It was hard getting anything else done. I'm backed up on sewing. Mostly I do sewing for family needs. Like, I promised my husband a vest for father's day. I am hoping to have that done before we move. It would be nice.
Speaking of moving, we find out next wednesday. If you think of us here are the dates we need prayer:

• July 8 - Congregational Meeting of the church. We are guessing that the congregation is voicing their opinion of Andrew (and the family). This happens sunday morning
  
• July 10 - The Council Meeting. This is ultimately the final deciding meeting. This body is who makes the vote, with the congregational voice in mind. This happens tuesday evening.

• July 11 - We should get a call telling us either way of the council and church's decision. Please pray that they call us no matter what. We have heard of church's not calling if they don't want the pastor. That's rude. I am hoping that they call even if we are not the right one. Pray for us to be ready for whatever their decision is. Good or bad we want to be ready for it. We have put a lot of hope into this, as we have heard positively from the individuals in the congregation. We feel we have a good chance of getting this position. But they could still say no. However, I will be the first to tell you that our attempts to quell our hopefulness have failed. Our hopes are high. That doesn't mean they will be dashed, but it's always harder coming down from a higher height. PLEASE PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS.

Thanks for your prayers and your thoughts. I will let you know as soon as I know something.
I'm kinda getting anxious. What if they say no? What if they say yes? Eck!
Gotta go. Bed time for toddler.

Things That Go Boom!

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Well as promised a more thorough update....again.

The candidating at the northern church went very well. The travel was beautiful and we again fell in love with the area. It's in the mountains. *sigh* I live in flatlands, but grew up in the mountains. Anyway. We stayed at the home of one of the parishioners, very nice people. Nadia even had her own room! You do not know how nice that is! Or maybe you do! Anyway. Sunday morning dawned bright and clear and just beautiful. The people were very warm and inviting and I felt right at home. Andrew preached passionately and strong. It's one of the things I love about my husband. His sermon was well received. They had a wonderful potluck for us afterwards. Those people know how to cook! If this happens and they have a lot of these things, I'm going to be gaining a lot of my weight back. Ugh. Anyway. The one thing that I wanted to share about this is that my husband and I really want to go to this church. We can see ourselves being a part of this family and loving this family. I want to serve with this church. We really want this. And I was told by more than a few people that they want us there. So we feel pretty good about this.
We are already thinking about moving and those sort of things. I have no idea as to when we will move. Maybe a month? It all depends on my job, really. Andrew can leave at the drop of a hat, I need to leave two weeks notice, but I can't just put in two weeks notice. I need to train someone to take my place. So they have to find someone to take my place, that person needs to put in their two week notice, and then I could train them. I would think it would only take a week to train them, but I could be wrong. My boss said she could finish up anything I didn't get to. I hate to put that on her plate, she's so busy as it is right now. But it will all work out. I'm not concerned. Nevertheless we are constantly looking at our stuff and getting rid of what we don't need or want. I don't want to move with a whole bunch of needless things.
Sara's dress is done! The garters are almost done and I just need to put the little hook on the front of the jacket and make the flower purse for my daughter. I know that sounds like a lot, but these are easy projects, done in an afternoon or evening. I'm not stressing. I'll probably work on some of the garters tonight while we watch a movie. I will show pictures of everything next week after the wedding is over. I don't want to 'give' away the dress yet. I don't feel that's right.
I made my skirt and it turned out wonderfully! I so wanted to do something that was not related to the dress, so I made my skirt and wore it this last Sunday. It's nice. I really like it.
We had a nice visit with my parents last week. It was good to see them. Although I am a bit worried about my dad, he's been getting a lot of headaches and my mother has been having more than is normal forgetfulness. I am concerned about that. It's not the normal forgetfulness.
I've been looking up midwives in the area of the church. I found two! The one is in a practice with a female OB/GYN DO. That is what I have now and I like it. But I really want a midwife. She is 23 miles away. But all the other OB's are MD's and OLD. I would be willing to go with a MD if they were younger, you know, more willing to work with me instead of telling me what to do.
The Lord has impressed upon me to focus more on Him rather than my anger. My anger is something that needs to be fixed, but if I focus on Him, He will do the work in me and know how best to 'fix' it. I struggle with knowing what to do to make it go away and therefore nothing changed. I remain angry and react poorly. I want this changed. I don't like it anymore. But my focus is to be on God and not the anger. To be aware of it is one thing, but to focus solely on it is not the answer. It's like when one is going to speak and is nervous, the more one focuses on being nervous the more nervous that person is. It's a vicious cycle.
We got rain today. We haven't had rain in like three or so weeks. We needed it. If only Texas could send some of that rain our way.
Well it's about time for someone to go to bed, so I will sign off.
Tootles!