I understand the quibble about women in ministry, but what I don't understand is the anger that some men feel about women NOT being in ministry. I don't get it. I guess there are some men who are for the women, more than the women are. I should specify. I mean, there are women in ministry and there are women in leadership in the church and there are women who preach. All of these things I feel are ok. How do I reconcile Paul's teaching? I don't know, I'm still working that out. All I know is that I am still trying to figure out my call on my life to preach. Great, there I said it. Now you know it.

On a completely different note, baby girl took great naps today. And I think it's because I wasn't all whacked out about it either. I enjoyed her today. It's amazing how just 15 minutes spent with the Lord can change my handling of a day. It's been the difference of night and day. He is changing me, and that is good. I've spent too long in anger, too long in depression, too long in my own dealings and not living free. It was for freedom he set us free. Beautiful. I have such hope that my mind cannot and will not drag me down now. I know it is possible. I am free and that is worth more than I can say. I can actually enjoy, cherish my daughter. I am so happy for that. For 7 months, I tolerated her and made myself love her. I was so ashamed that I didn't have the gush of love and emotions for her. Oh I had emotions for her, but not what you'd expect from a new mother. I was so discombobulated. Some days I still am. My life was upset. But now, now, I've found a new norm. I can actually see myself having another baby. But not just yet. I still want to..... What do I want to do? I am enjoying Nadia and well, I dunno, what's holding me back? I don't want to wait too long, you know, get out of the baby life and then have to go back into it. I don't want to get out of the swing of things.

Thank you Father for my hubby, for my daughter and for Your patience and willingness to rid my soul of this one dark blot. I hate it. Thank you for helping me remove it. You know I couldn't do it.

Going to work on my bookbag.