Friday, May 02, 2008

I Am What I Am....

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I am…..... a Mama, a wife, a Christian. A sister, a daughter, a lover.
I want..... a home birth.
I have......a hansome hubby, a beautiful daughter and a blessing in my belly.
I wish......I was the type of mother I want to be.
I hate.......that it's easier to have an abortion in PA than it is to have a home birth. What's wrong with that picture?
I miss.......my dad.
I fear........ loosing Andrew, loosing this baby. Messing Nadia up.
I feel......... content.
I hear........the dishwasher running, my hubby and daughter talking to each other.
I smell.......nothing, which is surprising, I smell everything these days.
I crave.......ice cream.
I search.......for a CNM who will do home births.
I wonder.....why God blessed me with two children when I don't feel worthy enough to be a mother.
I regret........my words and actions.
I love...........my freedom to worship, my husband, my daughter, my baby, my home, my garden
I ache..........when I miss my husband, when my daughter is sick
I care...........about the people I love
I always........have a LIST of things that need done and I love it.
I am not…...going to call this lady before friday!!
I believe.........that God has a plan for the birth of this child and I will trust Him for it.
I dance.........well by myself.
I sing..............with all my heart. I love to sing.
I cry................when I am so angry I cannot even say it.
I don’t always.........play with my daughter enough.
I fight........with myself and my own selfishness
I write.......on this blog. I used to write a lot.
I never.........want to live in Las Vegas again
I listen.........for my daughter in the night.
I need........to be patient with my husband, my daughter, my self and others.
I am ..........loving feeling this babe move.

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