Sunday, August 20, 2006

Colds, dying, being broke and standing

I have a cold. I hate it. It's not the end of the world, but yet, when you are sick, nothing seems to go well. Or at least you can't go well. I am so sluggish. I can't rest when I have to watch a baby. But I'll do my best.

My great aunt is dying. She had a heart attack, not to mention dementia. She has less than 10% of her heart working. She won't be leaving that hospital alive. She's 92. I live 8 hours away from her, Andrew cannot take off time to go with me to the funeral. I don't know if I'm ready to make an 8 hour trip with Nadia and stay at my in laws and make happy with them. I don't know if I can do that. I could do it, but I don't know how good I'll be at doing it. Oh Lord help us. This is on the side of my family that is so angry with each other over the farm. This is as close as we'll get to a reunion anytime soon. I don't know what to do. I hate being broke. Every dollar is spoken for before it's made. I don't mind that, but I hate not having very many options. Why oh why Lord have you not provided a place for us yet? GRRRRR.

Nadia is standing more and more on her own now. I guess it's just a matter of time before she begins to walk. I have to find out if Payless still gives babies their first pair of shoes. We don't have money to get them.

I hate this. I just hate it. But there is nothing else we can do. Lord you have called us together and you have called us to bring others to you. And that is in our bones. We cannot deny it. We wait for you to show yourself. I know you have a place for us. I know it. Please provide. Please provide.

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