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I have a confession to make, maybe if I confess it, it won't have such a hold on me. I do not have a good relationship with food. It doesn't matter that I've lost 120 lbs. I've only gotten there through being rigid. It's all or nothing with me. If I am at a party and I eat one sweet pastry I figure that the day is ruined and I might as well just eat whatever I want. I hardly allow myself a sweet and if I do I feel guilty all day long. I feel guilty for eating something unless it's very low in calories and fat. I feel happy, elated when I am under my caloric needs for the day. I rejoice when I see that I haven't even met my fat gram needs for the day. That's not good. I am still nursing a baby and I don't want to sabotage him. So I make myself eat. But I only justify eating if it's something like lentils or carrots. Granted those are good for me and my son, but I think there has to be a better way. I am always thinking of food. I think of when I can eat next and what I will eat next. If I am putting food away from dinner I will want to eat just a bite here or there even if it's cold! I will want to put food in my mouth even if I am not feeling physical hunger. I see my husband eat and I've told him about this. He does not have the same problem. It's frustrating! He said 'that would be exhausting'. It is. From the time I wake up till I go to bed the one thought on my brain is food. I hate it. I don't like it. But I don't know what to do to change it. If anyone deals with this, I would welcome your comments. If someone has dealt with it and successfully overcome it, I really welcome your comments. More than loosing weight I want to have a healthy relationship with food.