It's been quite a while since I blogged last. Been a terrific and terrible time.
We are still looking for a church to pastor. Part of the reason is we cannot get a hold of anyone! I feel so lost and forgotten. Worship this morning was so hard. I am so angry at God. He could get us out of this at any moment. But for some reason He chooses not to. I hear the wisdom of the ages coming through, in that, I will look back and see the reason, I just have to trust Him right now that He is doing what needs to be done. Nonetheless, I am still frustrated and angry. And impatient. I confess.
Nadia hasn't helped much in this. She has been getting up more and more at night and last night was up from 4.30 till wakeup. Grrrr. BABY! But naps have been just great! I think that's part of the problem.
Part of the frustration about finding a church is it also means a job. A job with insurance and better pay. Maybe getting off WIC. I feel so ashamed when I go to purchase that stuff. Granted it helps, but still, I feel like white trash. Or at least I've been inadvertently referred to as that. I've gotten looks and frustrated looks of disdain from checkout people. I know what it feels like to be on medicaid. Our baby was born free. Literally. Thank God for that. But we don't have it now. If we get sick.... Thank God I found a clinic for people such as us. Below the poverty level, that's what my mother referred to us as. How degrading. Even if it is true.
I'm just angry. Tired. And frustrated. Lord help me. Please deliver us. Please be Lord of the job hunt. You called us, now send us.