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I haven't posted much, sorry. Haven't had much to say. I've been thinking on some things, though. Mainly struggling with the whole stay-at-home-mom thing. Did you know I have a bachelor's degree? Yup, paid for too. (Thanks Mom and Dad!) And I feel like I don't use a lick of it. One doesn't need a degree to raise kids. But...
Ok, I'm just gonna free-write (you know in creative writing, you just write what comes....) I'm just gonna lay it out. I feel like a looser. I feel like what I do no one sees or cares about. I feel unimportant. I feel like no one listens and I feel like I have nothing of worth to contribute. Look at what I write about on this blog!? It's about sewing, diapering, cleaning. Who cares about those things? I don't get a bi-weekly pat on the back (paycheck, hello!) saying I've done at least a satisfactory job. I have 24/7 duty call, more, more, more.
I am struggling to know that my time spent is worthwhile. And I know it is! I know it. I mean, I know it in my head, but my heart doesn't believe it. I wonder if when sahm's were the norm if those women had trouble with it.
And I feel alone. So alone. I know the Lord is working on me in these areas. Trying to get me to rely on Him. I know that. But it's still hard. Even Jesus, in His darkest hour wanted his three closest disciples to be near to him in the garden. He needed to know someone had his back. My dearest friend is 4 hours away. And she's back to work, dealing with family issues, plus she has a new baby.
Please understand I am not complaining, I wouldn't want anyone else to raise my kids. I just need a brain change. But I don't' know how to do it.
Does anyone care?