April 8, 2011

It's been pretty long since I last blogged and honestly I just don't have the time, nor the heart to do it.  I'm really only doing it because I feel I should.  Once I do, however, I feel better.  This is very much cathartic for me.  

It seems the past year has been fraught with hurts.  Sorry if this sounds like a whine coming on, but hey, it's my blog.  Last year a good friend of mine stopped talking to me over a FB incident.  It wasn't something we couldn't overcome if she'd just talk to me.  I've called, written and asked for forgiveness.  Nothing.  It hurts.  

Then my grandmother, my closest and last living grandparent, died.  I miss her.  Sometimes I can think of all the things I wish I had had the time to ask her, or ask her to show me how to make.  Some of those dishes have died with her.  She was a good woman and deserves her rest.  And you know what I hate?  I hate it when someone around me dies, I love them and someone else says something like "yeah, well they were good to you, but not me."  Well, go pound sand.  I loved her and she meant a lot to me.  

Then we had the 'incident' that I talked about a month or two ago.  It still really hurts.  I am still in shock.  And because it happened a while ago my brain is telling me it didn't happen at all.  And I know that's not true.  I think my brain is trying to shut that out.  Whatever.  

Then a stupid, frustrating, completely idiotic thing has been happening off and on for years now.  Ok, so it's not all those things, but it is hurtful.  It hurts a lot.  Thankfully we seem to have turned a corner and maybe, just maybe this will start walking us out of the woods.  Oh gosh it hurts so bad.  Betrayal is the key word here.  

On the good front, because there is always a good front if you look for it, God is taking me on a journey.  And maybe some day I can tell you about it, but not now.  So for now I am writing it all down in a safe place.  And I'm scared.  I don't know where this will take me.  I do know it is taking me out of my familiar zone.  I can't call it comfort zone, because it was never comfortable.  But it is familiar.  I know it, I know how to react and I know what to expect.  This, however, is completely uncharted territory.  So we'll see.

And since that one post, a few months ago, where I whined about not loosing weight and being frustrated about dieting and counting calories and such?  Well I've lost 10lbs.  Crazy huh?  I'm not counting my calories at all.  I am still running three times a week and doing cross training those three alternate days.  I also try to do some sort of toning everyday except sunday.  It's working.  I am also drinking a ton of water and green tea.  And I am eating healthfully.  Sometimes that means have one sweet.  Because health is about the body, yes, but it is also about mind health.  I want to have a balance.  

Warning: I'm going to talk about girly stuff here guys.  

I got my first post surgery menses.  Pre-surgery I had a minimum of 7 days of bleeding, with about 6 ounces of fluid loss.  Upper limit of healthy fluid loss is 2 ounces.  I would also spot endlessly between cycles.  Post-surgery?  4 days, 1 ounce.  No spotting.  I have tons of energy.  I'm not supplementing with iron anymore and I don't have any iron in my daily.  I was taking two iron pills everyday with a multi that contained iron and still needing a nice long nap in the afternoon.  Sometimes a nap in the morning (which is difficult with a toddler running around).  Now?  I don't take naps anymore.  In fact, if I do, I can't sleep at night.  It's good.  Life has improved and I feel better.  I'm grateful.  

Pray for me May 1.  I get to preach again!  I'm super excited.  

That is all.  I do feel better.  This is it.  It's me.  It's raw.  But it's my blog and I don't care.  I'm glad I got it out.  Later gaters!