Sunday, January 16, 2011

I don't have a snappy title, can't think of one

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I never know how to title my blog posts. I've been sorely lacking on the blogging bit, so that means I've got a bursting heart right now. Bear with me. I also just woke up from a nap and my fingers don't quite remember how to type. Why is that? Gee wizz.

I am obsessed with loosing weight. I can't help it. I am. Every waking moment I think about how I can loose weight. Everything I've ever done in the past year has been so that I can loose weight. Ok, not every thing, but almost. Such as, I had surgery two weeks ago (I'll tell you about that later.) that is, indirectly, a result of going to the doc to find out why the heck am I gaining weight! It consumes my every waking hour. I cannot stop thinking about it. It's driving me mad. People I am struggling here. I've researched everything, ate less, ate more, ate more protien, less protien, more carbs, less carbs, ran more, ran even more, did weight lifting. All of those things they tell me I should be loosign weight, but I'm not. And I'm frustrated. I even went to the doc had my thyroid tested and it came back clean. In fact, my whole blood work was great. Cholestrol, blood pressure all of that stuff was great! The only thing I've learned so far from all of these experiments and tests is that to run I cannot do low carb, I need carbs to run. And that I still gain weight whether I eat more or less. But all of that doesn't matter right now, what does is that I want to stop thinking about it. It consumes me. And I don't know how to stop. I want to think about God and His word, because I love that. It fills me, it makes me feel better. Thinking about how to loose weight only makes me feel worse. Please pray for me. I write this to feel better, not because I have answers.

I had surgery 2 weeks ago. Gentlemen, if you are reading, fair warned. I have, the techinical term for it is menorrhagia, which just means I bleed too much or two often. For me, that's both. I thought it was normal, really, because I was that way ever since I've started having periods. The top end of what is considered healthy is 2 oz total in a given period. I was loosing on average 6 oz a period (I know this because the Diva cup I use has measurement marks in it. I would loose sometimes an ounce in an hour, insane). No wonder I'm always tired! No wonder it takes two iron pills in a day for me to be able to simply keep up with the house. No wonder I take two naps a day when I'm on my period. Gee wizz.  That was one of the reasons I went to my GP to find out what was going on.  Not only was I gaining weight but my period was very weird and I was tired all the time.  When she couldn't find anything out, I went to my OBGYN and she tried her bag of tricks (drugs) and that didn't work so she suggested an endometrial ablation ie, Novasure.  One of the caveats about that is, it kills your lining, so a pregnancy would be extremely dangerous to the mother and baby.  We had to make sure we were done having babies and we had decided that two years prior, just given my tendency to PPD.  Surgery went well, I took about 2 weeks off running and just got back to it the other day.  It felt good.  I'm feeling good.  I won't know for about 3 months my regular bleeding pattern, but from what I hear, some women never have another period, and some just have a few days of spotting.  I can't imagine!  Oh to dream!  So I'll keep you updated on that.

About a year ago, actually it's been longer than that, but I hadn't started until last year, I felt the Lord moving me to cover when I preach.  Lately, though (ok more like months ago) I've felt the Lord prodding me to cover every sunday.  I put it off.  (I guess it would be more accurate to say I put the Lord off.  Big no no.)  Here's why.  I like my hair.  I like going to church, it's my weekly outing.  I like doing my hair and showing off my hair at church. I'm vain.  A head covering would cover up my hair and I couldn't have my big, beautiful, model hair at church.  There, I said it.  I'm terribly vain.  But I've been whining at the Lord about wanting to preach and desiring to speak.  After He brought up the whole covering my head thing, I whined about doing it and He brought up this verse
“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. Luke 16:10

Ouch.  Ok, Ok.  So I brought it up with Andrew and he is a very faithful man.  He didn't want to cross the Lord and said sure!  So there I went today with a covering.  It was humbling.  But it was good to obey the Lord.

I heard something today on the radio (yay I can get LOCAL Christian radio station now!) about pleasing the Lord.  I don't remember what they said, but it struck me.  Is what I do pleasing to God?  Does He like what I'm doing?  Do I think before I do something 'Does this please the Lord?'  Something to think about.  

And how am I doing on my goals?  Well, I'm reading my bible everyday, trying to do that asap in the AM and am doing my posts on Tammy's Blog.  I've been praying for my honey and lots of others.  You know, I love praying for others?  I REALLY feel like prayer does something.  I mean I did before, but I really do now.  I don't know if it's the bible reading or what, or maybe it's becoming more submissive or something.  At any rate, I'm enjoying that and taking it to heart!  I love these people I'm praying for and I want to see their lives changed positively!  Doing better with the kids, been thinking before I act and speak, although it's still a stretch to where I want to be, but it's on the up.  And my running?  Well I've got a ways to go.  Two weeks off is two weeks off.  It's amazing how you can spiral down in conditioning in that short time.  But it'll come back.  :)

Thanks for listening to me ramble.  I feel better now.  Please, any words of advice or prayers?  They are all welcome!

3 comments:

Donna said...

Thoughts about the obsession with weight...you are very healthy, Kathryn! Why not choose to focus on eating healthy, feeding your family healthy, and all the fantastic running you are doing. God did not create food to make us miserable you know?

Stacy said...

Agreed with Donna. Think about it in the context of the rest of your post. Does it please and honor God to see you obsessing over losing weight? What else could you be using all of that brain energy for that would further His kingdom? I wonder if since you worked so hard for so long to lose all of the weight that you did that you are sort of "stuck" in the weight loss mentality? Put away your scale for a while and focus on just maintaining your healthy habits.

TammyIsBlessed said...

Wow, you covered a lot in this post!

It's easy to give advice - but concentrate on healthy living - eating healthy, drinking water, getting enough sleep - treating your body like the temple of God that it is. And love yourself because you were created in His image, because He loves you, because you are a princes of the King of Kings.

Glad your surgery went well, hopefully things will be much better in that area from now on! :)

Love it that you've joined our Bible blog!!