The Lord Answers

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Just earlier today I wrote this:

And I'm missing preaching. Oh my heart aches within me to preach. Sometimes I get preachy in my Sunday School class and I don't see myself as a teacher there, just a facillitator, but it happens. I've been bringing this up to the Lord again and again to lead me to the right time and place to use my gift and I leave it there. I want His time, His place. I don't want to rush ahead of Him. But this scripture from Jeremiah speaks so much to me

But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. Jer 20:9

And as if the Lord heard me (um, duh, He did.  Gee, sometimes I astound myself) I read this in my reading today:

All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  1 Peter 5:5a-7

Not that I'm looking to be exalted or some big to-do woman or whatever, but I am so eager to use this gift, namely because it fires me up.  I feel alive when I'm searching and writing and preaching His word.  But this scripture tells me to just wait under His authority for His good and perfect time and if I do that He will be faithful.  He will bring it up in His good time.

Isn't it exciting when God immediately answers our hearts?  How comforting that He sees us.  He sees me.  I struggle with that, being seen.  There are days I don't even go outside.  Not that I don't want to, it's just getting colder and with little ones it's harder to get out.  I'm no hermit, I do get out, trust me.  But God sees my innermost parts of my heart and He holds it in his hands.  He sees me and He answers me.  I am thankful and grateful that He loves me that much.  Ah, how blessed we are to serve a LIVING God.  Not one fashioned by man.  But one that far surpasses man and our minds.  Praise the Lord!  

Lil' Bit o Somethin'

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Everytime I get on this blog I feel the need to apologize for my lack of blogging. But, really, I don't care. I've been tired and drawn. I needed a break from something and unfortunately, the blog is an easy thing to let go. But I do realize that some people, maybe, like to keep up with what's going on. Well, to suffice it, a lot and not so much.

Christmas is coming up. We are having and open house on friday, so all the prep that goes along with that is mounting up on me. I'm not sure if I ever cleaned my kitchen that deeply before, although I should every spring. But spring cleaning is lost on me. I mean, really, people, around here spring is busy! I am trying to put the garden in and that takes up most of my spare time. So, I've decided that January, February and March are really great months for spring cleaning. I'll call it Winter Cleaning. The time when I can deep clean every wall, window, drawer and closet. Too bad we don't have deep winter before Christmas. I'd really like a nice clean house for Christmas, but, well, if I get it done once a year, that's good right? I do clean my house once a week, don't get me wrong, but the deep deep cleaning doesn't get done near enough.

And the not so much? Well, since Nadia has had her asthma diagnosis she's had two colds. And I'll tell you, they have been almost nothing. A nuisance, a bother, a minor woe. Nothing like the week long vomiting sessions we would have before. I am so glad. The girl eats, everyday, for days at a time. Before she'd go a whole week barely eating anything, one week out of the month. It was miserable. You could count on the kids and I missing a sunday at church once a month. She's healthy. And I'm so happy about that.

Nadia is flourishing in school. She is such a social butterfly and loves school! And everyone at school loves her. Sending her to school was the best decision for all of us. I can see that now. I do miss her, but that is so good! I'm glad I have time to miss her! It has drawn us closer, I am more calm at home. It's good.

I've been struggling with some 'stuff' for the past year and it's finally come to a head. I'm still trying to find a good time to tell people in real life, so I'll wait to let the cat out of the bag here.

I'm still enjoying reading God's word. Oh it is my life, my joy, my substanence. I need it. Daily. I thank the Lord for His provision through His word.

And I'm missing preaching. Oh my heart aches within me to preach. Sometimes I get preachy in my Sunday School class and I don't see myself as a teacher there, just a facillitator, but it happens. I've been bringing this up to the Lord again and again to lead me to the right time and place to use my gift and I leave it there. I want His time, His place. I don't want to rush ahead of Him. But this scripture from Jeremiah speaks so much to me

But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. Jer 20:9

Another passion of mine is running.  I ran my first 5K almost 3 months ago and I cannot wait to do another.  I'm still running, months after completing the Couch to 5K program.  I'm so proud of myself!  I love the feeling I get when I'm sailing on the treadmill or the road.  If I haven't run in a while I can feel it.  It's like a drug.  I need my fix!  I'm currently in a challenge to run through the holidays on Sparkpeople.  I know I'll complete it. I still want to do a triathlon.  But I have no place to swim!  So I might have to settle for a duathlon.  We'll see.  I love being a pioneer.  No one in my family has willingly run.  I am the first.  And I'm definitely the first woman in my family.  My dad and uncle did mandatory running in the service.  But they avoided it when possible.  I have NEVER seen my father run.  Not even a trot.  I love knowing I'm changing labels.

And I've stopped selling my bread.  It was getting to be too much.  I was so stressed out trying to get it all done in a week.  And I wasn't getting it done.  I was falling be hind on my house work.  Not good.  So I let it go.  But I am still making bread for my family and my friends.  I love that better.

That's what's what in my life.  Till I feel like blogging again.  Hugs and kisses all!

Oh and I had a birthday.  Happy Birthday to me!  Rhys was trying to blow out my candles.  I'm fiercely protective of my birthday, so I was trying to keep him from blowing on my cake.  Plus he had a cold, so I didn't want boy boogers on my cake either.

Slacker

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I have seriously not blogged for an indecent amount of time. I feel no shame in that. It was intentional. I've been overworked, overwhelmed and really had nothing of worth to say. So I let it go. I had things that I could've said, but I didn't. I just wanted to be quiet. So I was. But I break my silence.

God has been teaching me many things this past month. My goodness. First of all I've taken to reading through the bible in a year. It was a New Year's Resolution. Remember those? I know, the new year is quickly approaching and people will be making those again, but what about the ones for 2010? I don't remember what the other ones were, but this one I wanted to complete. I had tried to do it 2008, but I got pregnant after I set the resolution and well, after Rhys was born I had not the time to finish it. But now, I'm doing well. I feel pretty confident I will finish. Oh there are days I don't finish all the reading, so I have more to do later, but I am getting it done. And it feels good.

One of the things I love is that I get to see those 'famous' verses in context of where it was said. Such as Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I always thought this was like 'I am going to give you good things, I have your life planned out for you. Blessing Blessing Blessing.' And while it does mean that, there is a bigger, richer meaning. This blessing and promise comes in light of massive destruction and punishment that the Lord had brought upon the children of Israel because of their backsliding from God's ways. The first 28 chapters of Jeremiah are mostly the 'you didn't follow me, repent, oh, ok, you aren't going to repent? Then feel my wrath.' I mean, really. Everything that they knew, their lives and such, would be obliterated. So this is what the people had been hearing and now God comes in and says that He has plans for them. You don't plan things for people you want wiped clean off the face of the earth. No, you plan things for people you love. And that is what God is saying here. It's more than a promise of blessing, but a promise of hope. 'Even though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." That's in Job. I am sure when the people heard this, they breathed a sigh of relief. 'Ok, we messed up, but He still loves us.' I know when I've messed up with my husband and he's ticked, I can handle his ticked-ness if he says to me he still loves me.

I've also noticed that the books I used to shy away from and be bored from are not boring at all, in the full context of how they were written. Leviticus, Numbers, Ezra, Nehemiah, the prophets, they are all exciting and have stunning messages in them. God, a few years ago, gave me a passion for His word. It is our life, our livelihood. Without it we cannot survive. Oh we may eck along, but we won't make it. Beloved let me tell you, if you call Jesus, Lord you need His word, every stinkin day. There is a reason why it is called our bread. Because we need to feed upon it every day just like our food. What happens when we don't eat? We get weak, we can't do anything, we snap at people and eventually we die. One thing I've learned from reading this is that I need to keep reading it. Oh people I cannot convey enough how we need His word in our lives.

Start with one verse everyday. Don't try to read though the whole bible in a year if that seems too insurmountable. Pick a book that seems fun, easy to you and read it. I love Luke. Read one verse a day. Trust me, it's all living and breathing, God can use it in your lives. Maybe not that day, but He will bring it to remembrance when you need it. Memorizing scripture is good, but I've found if I just read it, He brings it back. But He can't bring to remembrance that which we have not first read. So READ!! I cannot emphasize this enough.