My Call Part Two

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At least I hope part two, I hope this isn't longer than that!

My homiletics prof divided studying, writing and delivering a sermon in small, easy to digest chunks. It was very 'beginner' oriented. I'm sure the seasoned preachers in the group were insulted. (I've learned though, that while a sermons may seem the same to those listening, each preacher writes much to his/her personality. Much like the writers of the bible. God worked through their personality to write the bible. Anyway.) I went through finding a text, studying, outlining, scripting and then finally delivering. My prof added pain by video taping every step. Joy. I have most of those steps and have watched them, once, and cringed the whole way though. But what's funny is that the actual sermon I cannot find, was not video taped, so I have no record of actually preaching it. That's ok. That's not the point.

I got to the day I was supposed to preach. I was a wreck. There were three other people who had to preach theirs. We were the only ones in the class, because the other pastor/preachers were able to video tape theirs while preaching it in their church. Kay. Another day in the life for them. But for me, this was totally out of my comfort zone. My BFF had to give her sermon and so did another classmate who was not already a pastor. I could tell they were all nervous too, which made me feel a little better about the whole ordeal.

Then my turn came. And it's funny, each time I go to preach my heart rate reaches an insane crescendo that can only be equated to a herd of wild horses galloping across the prairie (with the same cacophony of noise in my ears as well!). I get nervous, for sure. But then, right as the first words float past my lips, my 'self' is removed and God takes over. It is not me speaking the words and the nervousness slips away.

That first sermon was a life altering experience. It started a fire in my belly, that when I've described to other preachers they know what I mean. It also unleashed a deep desire I didn't know was there. I enjoyed it. I loved it. I was blown away by the feeling of the Holy Spirit moving through me.

When I was done, I sat down and we had a break for class. I just sat there, in a daze, trying to take in what had just happened. My prof came over to discuss my sermon and asked me what I was going to be doing with my education. At first I thought it was because he was saying I had no business being in the pulpit, but another classmate said, no, it's because you have a gift not often seen in young women.

After that experience, I still really struggled with having this desire and being a woman in the pulpit. I asked God to confirm that call, so that I could make sure I was hearing Him right.  I was asked on several different occasions to speak.  I only spoke at one of the requests, but that spoke to me that God had called me.  There was no denying it anymore. 

Then I graduated, got married, continued in my job and subsequently forgot about my call.  I'm not sure what I was figuring, maybe it was for a long time from now, maybe it really wasn't what I thought it was.  I know for sure I didn't' know what my new husband thought about it.  So I squelched it.  I got pregnant with Nadia and really thought that was it.  I put it in the back of my mind.  It wasn't for this time of life.  Later.  Much later.  I also read a book, called the Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson.   It reads much like The Pilgrims Progress.  The basic premise is that God writes a dream for everyone.  The dream gives the person life because it is the abundant life that God has planned for the person.  But the dream isn't easy.  There are roadblocks, monsters and obstacles to overcome.  And at one point the dream is given back to the dream giver and there is a grieving over it.  But the main character eventually gets his dream given back to him after he realizes that it is not really his dream, but the dream givers.  And he goes on to actualize his dream.  It was a good book, but it didn't really do anything for me at the time.

I had had a talk with Andrew about my call but I wasn't really straightforward with my questions.  I beat around the bush and so I didn't get the answers I really was looking for.  I was afraid of what Andrew might say or think of me.  I would've rather been in the dark with the whole thing, than to be hurt.  And I think he didn't understand the parameters of my call either, to be fair.

I had my daughter and life was consumed with baby, husband finding a job, later moving and then having another baby.  My call was always in the back of my mind, for sure, but it was like a small, poorly labeled box on a bottom shelf of my mind.  Sometimes God would bring a gentle reminder, but I told Him (mistake) that this wasn't for this time.  I had babies for pete's sake and couldn't speak, plus I didn't have the support of my husband.  I couldn't do anything outside of what he wanted, right?  Besides, where would I speak?  I couldn't just walk into any church, could I?

And then, a few months ago, God whacked me upside the head.  Andrew had a sermon based on 2 Timothy 1, called Rekindle The Flame.  Verses 6 and 7 were particularly impacting to me:

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

 I thought it best to post my husbands notes to his sermon.  The Lord spoke through him to, in essence, give me a boot to the head.  The following are copied from my husbands sermon that day:

In the word translated “stir up” we have repetition, life and fire.

So when we read “stir up” think rekindle the flame, relive the lightning. Again give life to the fire.

A fire if left go will eventually burn itself out. A blazing fire is warm and gives light around it. We can lay in front of a fireplace or cook smores around a campfire. And if we don't add any wood, by morning the beautiful fire may only be a few coals. And it can be a lot of work rekindling that fire.

If you have a wood or coal furnace. You want to keep the fire going.

God's power can flow through us. His love can flow through us to others. His wisdom sharpens our minds.

But these things will naturally fade if we do not focus on tending the fire in us.

God will not empower us if we ignore his commands. God will not channel His love through us if we ignore His love. God will not teach us if we ignore His word.

When these words reached my ears it was like God was telling me "Kathryn, I've given you a gift, if you don't use it, you will loose it.  Let Me decide when you should use it."  That hit me.  I didn't want to loose any gift given to me by God, much less this one.  I really enjoyed preaching.  I needed to talk to Andrew, and pronto!  So that night I discussed it with Andrew.  He told me that yes, he saw a gift, and yes he supported me.  Wow!  That's exactly what I needed to hear from him.  I talked to my BFF and she too supported me.  And then it was up to God to give me a time.  He used one of the ladies from the church, she asked me to preach for our women's sunday, unbeknown to her what had transpired between God and I.  Well, that was it.  I couldn't deny it anymore.  I felt like the gift had been given back to me.  It was humbling. 

I started studying and the writing of the sermon flowed.  It felt so natural.  And the actual giving of the sermon went so well.  It was just like the first time.  My husband told me, before I delievered the sermon "If I know you, you'll be sad it's over, you'll be hungry to do it again."  And he's right.  I can't wait to do it again.  I am so hungry to be used again.

Right now I pray for a pure heart.  I pray for a pure mind.  I pray for a pure attitude in all of this.  I'll be honest, it would be so easy to become puffed up about this.  But I don't want to become like that.  When that happens it becomes about me.  And that's dangerous.  This is His work, this is His church, this is His word.  I'm just honored and blessed to be even considered to do work with Him.  What a profound place we are in when we can work side by side with our awesome God!  I am humbled that He would use me for anything!  I am so flawed!  I am so selfish, so me me me.  How He can use a character like me is amazing.  No, it's grace.

So that is my story.  I am grateful to have shared it with you. 

My Call

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Disclaimer: I'm about to bare a little bit of my soul here, a little bit more than usual. If transparency bothers you, don't say you weren't forewarned. 

We are going way back, I mean way back.  Back to high school graduation.  At my private, Christian school graduation I was one of just a few that had absolutely no idea what I was going to school for.  I had applied to a local community college with an undecided track.  I was hoping soon that something would pop up for me.  I figured I could take care of the gen ed's first then maybe by that point a major would sound somewhat appealing.  I had a lot of things that sounded good and that I thought I could maybe do, but nothing clicked, or made me purr.

That is, until, November 1998.  I was going to turn 19.  I was in a bible study that I attended each week and was asked to read from Isaiah 6.

¹ In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. ³ And they were calling to one another:
       "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
       the whole earth is full of his glory."  ⁴ At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
 ⁵ "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
 ⁶ Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
 ⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
      And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

I cannot tell you the experience I had reading this.  It was like I had been moved from the living room of my pastors house to the throne room of God, to the actual spot Isaiah was in.  I felt like the Lord was speaking to me.  And I felt like He was asking me, who will I send?  Who will go for us?  And I answered just as Isaiah had, Here am I.  Send me!  And I was excited!  I wanted to go.

From then on I pursued an education in bible studies/pastoral studies/christian studies something like that.  I didn't want to be a pastor, I didn't want to be a missionary, I didn't want to be a preacher.  I just wanted to absorb all I could about the bible, about God, about Christ.  I wanted more.  So I applied to a seminary and they accepted me.  Their program was a Bachelor of Arts in Religious Studies, Christian Studies Emphasis, Pastoral Studies Focus.  A really long title that means those who are old enough when they enter can be ordained within the denomination I am a part of.  I was not old enough.  That's ok, I still don't feel God calling me to be ordained.

I went to seminary, studied hard, met my very BFF and my sweet hubby.  I also had a homiletics class.  According to the seminary's catalog the course of homiletics is:

Students demonstrate understanding of a theology of preaching and the application of exegesis and hermeneutics in developing biblical sermons suitable for contemporary settings. They identify the biblical and theological basis for preaching; explore the nature of contemporary settings in which preaching takes place; and prepare, deliver, and critique sermons.

Did you catch that last part?  I'll repeat it, just so we're clear.  PREPARE, DELIVER AND CRITIQUE SERMONS.  Hello!  I am not a public speaker!  I am not going to be a pastor and I don't want to do that!  You see, I had to put together a sermon and deliver said sermon to a classroom of my peers.  Only thing is, said classroom is not my peers.  The program I was a part of was fairly new when I got in it.  In fact, I was the second young woman to enter it.  The first one was my BFF.  She had been in it a whopping 4 months before I came along.   We were so very alone there.  Most of the people there were older men, some where old enough to be our fathers.  And most were already pastoring churches.  They were preparing and delivering sermons on a weekly basis, taking this class was going to be cake.  Not for me.  I had only given a handful of speeches before in my life and they were before peers.  You know, other high school students or college students who couldn't give a rip about what I was saying.  And now they wanted me to do what?  I was too far vested into the program to drop out, so I gritted my teeth and took the class. 

I have a feeling this is going to be long, so I'm going to finish the rest of this in Part 2.  Tune in next week....

Sermon - The Christian Mission

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This was the sermon I preached this past sunday, the one I had y'all praying for me for.  (Thanks, by the way!)  It preaches so much better than it reads, but I guess that's true for a lot of things.  I look forward to your thoughts!  I will be posting soon about this whole process of my personal call and my thoughts on this past sunday.   

Good morning! Sure is different being on this side of the pulpit. A whole lot more terrifying. Although being on that side can be just as terrifying. You never know what the Lord is going to say, how He will convict or how he will make you uncomfortable. That's how I ended up here speaking to you now. He called me one sunday morning, through the word of His servant in my comfy seat to stand up, speak His word. And that is why I stand before you now.

Today is Thank Bank Sunday. The in-gathering day for all the little thank banks you see around. Grace Pierson, the founder of the Thank Bank believed in Missions, believed in the word and the life changing power of the word. So much that she started the Thank Bank program.

Ah, the word, the bible, the canon, it is our life! So even though today is a different sunday we will not deviate from what we are here to do. Cuz it aint church unless you open the word. And if there is one thing I've learned from sitting under my husbands preaching is that if you are going to preach the word you'd better talk to the Man who wrote it first. Let's pray.

It is no secret in scripture that God calls us to tell others about Him. We see it everywhere. From Noah, to John, God called people to tell others about Him. Our relationship with God was damaged in the garden and it has never been the same. Since that time God has been calling us back to peace with Him. He has made a way. He has prepared a road for us to walk on in order to return to Him. Only many don't even know the road exists. He knows this. So he tells us, who know the road, know how to get to the road, to tell others about the road.

One such person in scripture is Ezekiel. Ezekiel was a prophet of God, a spokesperson, a mouth piece, a bull horn. He carried God's messages to His people. The book of Ezekiel is full of so many wonderful beings and scenes. Many are hard to comprehend or imagine. Just before God speaks to Ezekiel to call him to be his prophet, he sees a vision of God. He sees the four winged creatures, the strange wheels with eyes all over them. He hears the noise that comes with these creatures, loud like an army he says. Then, he sees God.

Ezekiel 2 – 3:11

Ezekiel's response is appropriate. In the presence of Holy God, the only response sinful man can have is to fall! Sin cannot stand in the presence of God. Ezekiel probably thinks he's a dead man. But God has something different in mind. He has a mission for Ezekiel. Here he is, a captive priest among family and friends standing on a riverbank in a foreign land and God appears and speaks to him. Isn't that like God? He speaks to us at the most unassuming time. I'm sure Ezekiel had other things on his mind at this point. He probably thought that God had abandoned them, I'm sure he wasn't expecting God to show up, at least not in enemy territory. And not only does God show up, but he has a job for him to do.

God is calling Ezekiel to speak for him amongst the captives. He tells Ezekiel that it will not be an easy job, mainly because they won't listen. He says that if he had sent him to a foreign people his job would be easy because they would listen! God says “Heck, they won't listen to me, you shouldn't expect them to listen to you. But I want you to go, I want you to speak, so they will know that I have spoken to them”. Basically they have no excuse for the muck they got themselves into. That's probably how they got themselves into this mess in the first place, weren't listening to God, weren't following God and so God passed judgment on them.

So God tells him to speak, God tells Ezekiel they won't listen, but the Lord says he wants him to go anyway. And I think the Lord tells Ezekiel they won't listen as encouragement. Because in verse 6 he says don't fear them, don't fear their words or their looks, because they are rebellious so naturally they won't listen.

And then he says, but don't you be like that. You listen to me. Take my word, take it into yourself, make it apart of yourself. And he hands him the word. Ezekiel eats it, even though it is full of lamentations and woe. It's written full of the terrible things that are going to happen to Israel. Who wants to read the terrifying things of revelations or Daniel? But yet, Ezekiel eats it and says that it is sweet like honey. That is the word of God! Sweet to those who take it in. Sweet, filling, satisfying and life giving.

So God gives him a job as a prophet among his own people, he fills him with His word to speak and then He gives him the encouragement he needs to do the job. He says I have made you just as bullheaded as they are. I get the image of two rams butting heads when I read verse 8 of chapter 3.

Read Ezekiel 3:8


Ezekiels job is going to be hard! The people aren't going to listen, they are going to butt heads. It will be like talking to a brick wall. We've all had conversations like that. You sit there talking to someone and they just stare at you with that deer in the headlights look. Just blank. And God warns him about this. He says it's gonna happen! But don't let it get you down Ezekiel! Don't get discouraged. Because I told you it would happen. But you be obedient and speak to the people whether they hear or whether they refuse. Be obedient.

I believe this word is for us today. Grace peirson was passionate about missions. These little banks were originally designed to collect money for missions. And a lot of time when we think of missions we think of Africa, India, China, some place far away from here, far away from me. Some place where someone else goes and does the hard work. It's good enough for me to throw some money at it, pray some nice prayers for those people and be about my business. If you are a christian it is not enough to just throw money at it. God is calling us to a people that we know. And people that know us. He is calling us to a rebellious people. I need not tell you the state of our nation, we know it all too well. We've heard it time and again what our president has said. We are no longer a christian nation! He is blatantly turning his back on God. As a nation we have rebelled against our roots. We are much like the nation of Israel of Ezekiels time. And God is calling us, you and me, to speak His word to them. And he's telling us it's not going to be easy. They will scoff at you, they will laugh at you, look at you like you are from Mars and they will hurt you. And, worst of all, they won't listen.

The theme for the women's ministry for the past three years has been mold me, fill me, use me. It is a model of calling. God first calls us, then he fills us with his word and then we are ready to be used. We can see from Ezekiel's call that that process can be a matter of minutes.

So we know we've got the call. Throughout scripture God has been calling His people to tell others about Him. Jesus gave us that in the great commission in Matt 28:19 – Go therefore and make disciples of all nations. Mark 16:15 – Go into all the world and preach the gospel. Acts 1: 8 – you shall be witnesses to me in jerusalem (your local neighborhood), Judea (the larger area like clearfield county) and samaria (the places and people you don't want to go to) and to the end of the earth. It's pretty clear that our first calling is to the people we know and who know us.

Second in this calling is the word. We can't preach the word of God to others if we dont' have it in our very being, our very souls. That means we need to be eating it every day like the food we eat. What would happen to our families, our churches, our neighborhoods if we devoured the word of God as much as we devour our breakfasts, lunches and dinners? Change. We would change as would our world. The word is our nourishment our life! So many christians are spiritually walking around gaunt, pale and near death all because they aren't eating up the word of God. They are spiritually malnourished. Barely alive in His word. He isn't kidding when he says it's the bread of life. Bread is the basis of food for many people in many nations. Without that bread they would die. It is so with our Christian life. We need the word of God. Everyday. Without fail. We cannot survive without it.

Then third in our calling is go, tell. You'll notice this is action! We can't spread God's word with closed mouths and stationary feet, we must move! And this action is simple: repeat what you read. That's all. The Holy Spirit will supply those words. You've been there, a conversation, a situation, and somehow a scripture comes up, that's the Holy Spirit. But He won't do that, or can't do that unless you've read that word. When that happens, repeat it. And be a witness: repeat the times that Jesus has been real to you. So going, doing, telling is just repeat the word and repeat when Christ was real. That's easy.


Those of us who are His Children, saved by His grace, in the family, whatever your choice phrase is for 'being saved' is, have a mission, a job given to us by the Father. We have been called to speak His word to the nations, but we cannot speak the word unless we know the word. So we must ingest it everyday. Eat it up, savor it like you would a good brownie, or cookie, or fudge. And then, once you have been fed and nourished, once the word has been given to you and become a part of you, then go, tell about that good word. And we must always remember that our sign of success is not how many people we 'save', but rather our faithfulness to the call that God has given us. Our obedience to His calling in our life is our measure of success. That is how He measures success.

Today...Updated

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For all those following....sermon went great. The Lord spoke through His servant and His word was uplifted. I was obedient, so it was all good.

Sermon to follow.

Today

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It's early. Oh not so early, but I'm the only one up, the house is quiet and I preach today. That is enough to rouse me out of a comfy bed on a sunday morning this early. I don't suppose many will read this before we walk to church, but that's ok, I'm sure the Lord reads my blog too. That's kind of a funny thought, the Lord reading my blog. Sweet.

I haven't talked much about this at all. I've mentioned it a few times, but not really discussed it at length. In truth, I'm afraid of people's responses and I'm just not ready to fight it yet. But maybe I wouldn't get a fight. Who knows?

I'm preaching today. I'm not afraid. Nervous yes. But I'm a whole lotta excited. God has called me to this, I can tell. I thought maybe He did when I received all those affirmations, but I can tell for sure when I do it. The power of the Spirit comes on and it's for sure. I enjoy it! Who would've ever thought shy little Kathryn would be preaching in front of people. I think it was harder to preach in front of Andrew last night than in front of a crowd of people. Your gaze can get lost in a crowd, but when your husband comes in and out it's a little unnerving. But I did ok.

The only thing I don't like about preaching is that you say things that are uncomfortable. But I suppose that's the main point. God isn't around to make us feel good. Change hurts sometimes. I suppose that's why I feel just a bit unsettled. This is different for me. I grew up thinking women shouldn't preach. And here I am doing this today. Honey, I don't know, I just know what I cannot deny anymore. The Lord has placed this call on my life and it's more dangerous to say no, or not yet, or You are wrong to the Lord, than it is to go with man. I'm trusting Him.

So I go. And yet, when I think about the people and what they might say, there is a bit of fear. And then I remember the word for today. Ezekiel 2:1-3:8.

And so again, I go.

Thoughts On a Prayer

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I need not speak of the state of our nation. It's in a shambles. So far from where we once were, calling on the name of God openly in schools, in government, in freedom. Slowly that freedom is being taken away. This does not surprise me. Not at all. In fact, I forsee a day when we are persecuted just as much as our brothers and sisters in Africa, China, India, etc. Who are we to be exempt? It's interesting that the places where the presecution is the strongest, the church is also growing the most. Perhaps persecution is what we need to strengthen our faith, to call us to our knees and to the Word.

In light of this, I was reading in 2 Samuel tonight. I read in chapter 21 where there was a famine in the land for three years. King David got before the Lord and asked Him why things were the way they were and God told him. It was because of the sin that Saul had done against a body of people, the Gibeonites, that the Israelites had promised to protect. What struck me was that this sin was performed by Saul, not David and yet the result of it, not a natural result I might add, was conducted on David and his kingdom. What's even more intersting that when David made amends for it, which was the lives of seven descendants of Saul, that the famine abated.

That got me thinking, we pray for so many things to be changed "Oh Lord, please help our president to be a more Christian man, lead our government, put prayer back in our schools...." While these are all good prayers and there is nothing wrong with praying them, I believe the focus is off. We are giving great suggestions to God on what needs changed. These things are all symptoms of a bigger problem that goes much deeper. We need to be asking the Lord what He sees that needs changing. Or maybe it comes closer to home than that "Lord what needs changing in ME?" Sometimes the problem wasn't caused by us, but we perpetuate the problem, allow it continue or turn a blind eye. In some ways that's the same as acting out in the sin itself. It is for that we need forgiveness and atonement.

Lord what is it that You want to change in our Nation? What is it that You want to change in me?

2 Chronicles 7:14 repeats the story in 2 Samuel 21 with a promise "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

There is action here. And it's not about those who are not in the church, it is an action of God's people. We are the ones who can change this nation back, and it's a action of the heart. Our prayers about those people out there to change their evil ways are ok, but the only person I can change is me. Revival begins here, with me, in my heart. Oh Lord change me.

(cuz I need it)

The Middle Wife

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A dear friend at church sent me this via email. I thought it was hilarious! I hope you enjoy!


The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturday s ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's 20 play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

More Homeschool Shtuff...

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I've had about three different blog ideas bouncing around in my head for a while now, but haven't had the guts to write them. Since I've linked my blog page to Facebook I now have a whole new set of people I actually KNOW that can read my most intimate thoughts. Sometimes I wonder how good transparency is in a relationship. But I've given that up. This blog is my outlet and while I don't blog about everything, I figure if someone doesn't want to read what I have to write, they don't have to. But I need to get this out, all of it.

The past few months have been difficult. We've had sickness upon sickness, Andrew has been super busy at church and on top of that we've had Easter. In the parsonage, Easter is a lot like Christmas, only Christmas is spread out over a months time, whereas Easter is smashed together in one week. It's exhausting. We've been living in the 'margin' for about 2 months now. We are spent.

And despite that last post about homeschooling Nadia, I had a breakdown the other day realizing that I just could not do it. We butt heads too much. I'd loose my sanity if I did. I had this faulty thinking that I should be able to do EVERYTHING. You know, everything good. Sew, cook, clean, homeschool my children, home birth my children, be active in church, la la la la. I've realized, though, that I have limits. I learned about those limits when I started to go crazy. I've been in prayer about the whole homeschooling vs. public schooling and I really feel like the Lord is telling me it's ok either way! How freeing! The important part is that this home is place to be safe to come to. A place where the family is loved, and accepted for who they are. It is a haven. Nadia and butted heads so much that I fear this place would soon become the opposite. Folks often say, what is best for the child, but I beg to differ. What is best for the family? If one piece of the family is off, the rest are as well.

That being said, I registered Nadia for kindergarten today. And I feel peace about it. I do feel somewhat sad. I think it's because she's growing up. I can't believe she's going to be 5 in august! When did this happen? When did 5 years just zoom by? My little girl isn't so little. This can only mean one thing, my little boy is going to do the same thing. Dang it.

I do feel an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders. I cannot convey how much better I feel about the whole thing. I still worry about what she'll run into, the things she might learn from peers, etc. But the Lord reminded me, you can't shield her from the world forever! And this is true. It needs to be a gradual thing. Prayer and involvement. Those are key.

Pray for us. This is not easy, especially since we thought from before she was conceived that we would homeschool. Well Nadia has been the child we weren't prepared for in many ways. Birth, postpartum, toddlerhood, it's all been a surprise. We prepared for so many things and were surprised with what really happened. This is no exception. And I guess that's one way the Lord is changing me and making me rely on Him more. And that's ok.

Wanted: Prayer Warriors

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Calling all prayer warriors! I need your help! May 2 I am delivering the sermon at our Sunday morning service. It's our Thank Bank Sunday and I was asked to speak. I have my text and even have most of it written up. But I need prayer, lots of it. Will you pray with me? All I ask is that you pray for me whenever the Lord brings it up. Please let me know if you are, I would really appreciate it.

Reading List

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My good online friend posted a reading list on her blog (can I call you that Kim?), so I stole her idea as a way to keep me accountable. I have a stack of books in front of me that I've been wanting to read for years now. I've been adding to it slowly, but not really subtracting many books. *sigh* Fiction is always easier and faster to get through than educational books. At any rate, here's what's on my shelf.

Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (I'm about 25% through this one)
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend (again 25% through)
A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
Invitation to Solitude and Silence by Ruth Haley Barton (this one has been sitting on my shelf for so long it has a picture as a bookmark of Nadia when she was a baby. My dear beloved friend gave this to me.)
Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus (again about 25% through. I'm noticing a trend here.)
Think Like Jesus by George Barna (can you guess how much I've read?)
Too Christian Too Pagan by Dick Staub (same.)
Women In the Church by Stanley Grenz and Denise Muir Kjesbo (this is the one I am currently working through with the bible to check references.)
Becoming A Woman of Influence by Carol Kent

And here is my wish list (all fiction):
Yada Yada Prayer Group Series by Neta Jackson (I just got done with the first two)
Desperate Pastors Wives Series by by Ginger Kolbaba and Christy Scannell

So that is what's on my shelf.  Ugh.  That's enough.  I feel like I'm in college again and it's all MY choosing.  There is just so much good stuff out there, it's hard to not read.  But then again I've always been a reader, a researcher and a writer (among other things).  

Recycling At It's Best

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I believe in recycling and all, but this is the best way to recycle!!

This was all packing paper in ONE box. It was hard to believe how much was there. I thought, the kids are always wanting something to draw on. So I gave them crayons and let them have at it. I'll keep what's not been doodled on for other times (would be good for painting too.) They had great fun!

Thoughts On Homeschooling

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I suppose it was only a matter of time before we got to this point. I mean, it follows naturally in our swing of things.

Even before Andrew and I got married we talked about homeschooling our children, for various reasons. The main one being we wanted to be sure our children were getting taught the things we wanted them to be taught (or, not the stuff we didn't want them to be taught). Naturally we wanted them to have a quality education. Little did I know that I would have a child that challenged me at every turn. Granted she has gotten much better, but we still butt heads frequently. That's probably because she is so much like me.

With this growing concern and time moving rapidly I was beginning to panic. When she turned 4 I knew we had to do something, as the next year she would enter kindergarten. I knew very little about homeschooling, the laws, what was required that first year, what would be required of me and how would I possibly get stuff done around the house and watch a little boy and school my daughter. I've been told the schools around here are ok, but.... We knew that the public schools weren't the way we wanted to go. Needless to say I was feeling the push.

I had also heard my fair share of homeschooling and how it's bad for the kids and that they NEED to be in public schools. *sigh* What my child needs is a good, quality education. And what we needed to do was figure out what that would be. It was tempting to just shuttle her off to school everyday and have more quiet in the house. But do I want to sacrifice my daughters most impressionable years for a few hours of quiet? Isn't that what being a mother is? Sacrifice?

Well about mid winter I discovered virtual charter schools. I was ecstatic! I thought this was the answer. Here I'd have someone who knew what needed to be taught in each grade, the lessons, the testing and I didn't have to worry about a thing!

I was so wrong.

We started the enrollment process. Everything was going great, until one of the last things I learned. I found out they run an all day kindergarten. I went to a half day kindergarten and I remember that about half that time was spent in recess, rest time, lining up and the other half was spent in actual instruction time. This charter school was expecting me to instruct a 5 year old for 5 hours a day. How in the world would I get anything done? Much less school and take care of a 2 year old? I'm sure not even all day kindergarten is 5 hours of solid instruction!

I'm finding out from other mothers that they spend a max of 2 hours in homeschooling in kindergarten. THAT I can do. And since I found out that PA's compulsory age for school isn't until age 8 and we wouldn't need to report that we are homeschooling until that age I feel much more free to sort of try it out. I'm told that kindergarten is the easiest to school. Not only that, but I've found tons of resources online for curriculum.

Needless to say, we stepped out of the enrollment process at this charter school. We will definitely keep it in mind for later years. But for now, homeschooling is much more an option to us after researching it a bit more.

Truthfully I'm apprehensive. Nadia and I just rub each other the wrong way. I don't want her education to suffer. BUT she LOVES to learn. And I do feel that it will work out.

But I'm not satisfied with it just falling into place. I'm reminded I need to spend time in prayer, lots of prayer about it. God loves her just as much as He loves me. He created myself and He created Nadia. In His wisdom He placed us together.

Pray for us too. And if you have any words of wisdom I'd love to hear them. One thing I'm learning is that this homeschooling thing cannot be done alone. That's much like the rest of life, isn't it?

Adventures In Whole Grain Baking

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Y'all know I bake with whole grains, or as much as is possible. Now I should give you a bit of background on my experiences with whole grains. Growing up, my Mother was a H.E.A.L.T.H. N.U.T. I am not kidding. We ate tofu dogs long before they were popular (and if you ask me, they still should not be popular). Rice milk, dairy free this, and sugar free that were staples at our house. Yuk. I believe in eating well, eating healthy so as to promote healthy bodies. However, there is a problem with all of this IF NO ONE WANTS TO EAT THE STUFF! *ahem* My mother forebade any sort of normal, or real cookies, candies or cakes in our house. At all, like never, not even for a treat. We weren't in danger of dying if we ate a single solitary chocolate chip cookie! That being said, I do believe in eating well, I also believe in small treats. You know why? Because my brother and I were so deprived when we would come in contact with said sugary treats we would gourge ourselves on the heavenly goodness. I can still ashamedly recall plunging my finger into a forbidden canister of chocolate frosting, over and over and over again at my grandmothers house. No wonder I grew up fat and frumpy.
So, I make cakes, cookies and treats at my house. Not everyday, not even every week, but there will always be some sort of sweet treat at my house for my kids and husband. My children are learning self control. But I still want to make those treats as healthy as possible, without sacrificing taste. The problem with the 'sweets' my mother had for us tasted like sawdust. They were junk and we didn't eat them. So I've been experimenting with whole grains. I've got the bread down pat. Rhys will even snack on a plain piece of bread. Which is just fine with me. But lately he's been wanting Nilla Wafers after his dinner. So I found a recipe to make my own. YAY! I wanted to put some whole wheat flour in it, but in the past when I replaced all of the wheat, they didn't turn out as nice. So this time I used a soft white winter wheat. Still the whole grain, but a lighter, better for cookies, cakes and quick breads. And I only replaced half the flour called for the whole wheat.  They turned out great.  I also made some chocolate chip cookies for the rest of the family and replaced half the flour with wheat and Nadia raved over them.  If she can't tell the difference, and the girl knows her cookies, then they've got to be good.  If they pass the Andrew test I know it works. 
For your salivation delight, a few pics.

The Vanilla Wafers.  Crisp and light just like the store bought ones. 

An oldie, but a goodie the beloved Chocolate Chips. 

Makes you want to eat one, doesn't it? 

Life Lessons From a Horse Whisperer

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Life Lessons From a Horse Whisperer by Dr. Lew Sterrett  

ABOUT THE BOOK!

A champion trainer and true horse whisperer, Dr. Lew Sterrett has used patience and a firm but gentle hand to earn the trust of more than 3,500 horses. In this book, Lew tells the stories of his work with these horses and the lessons each one has taught him. Sometimes heartbreaking and often uplifting, Lew has condensed his lifetime of learning into messages for the Christian life. Today, Lew shares these messages with more than 50,000 people each year through horse training presentations at Miracle Mountain Ranch and nationally through his Sermon on the Mount Ministry.

The author's engaging style and adroit mixture of well-tested anecdotes and thoughtful instruction make this a winning read-and not just for horse lovers.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR!

A champion trainer and true horse whisperer, Dr. Lew Sterrett has used patience and a firm but gentle hand to earn the trust of more than 3,500 horses. Dr. Lew Sterrett (Ph. D) had little idea that his boyhood interest in horses would open doors internationally for speaking and training. During his years in 4-H, he savored many opportunities to train and show horses and earn national recognition. As a student leader at Penn State University he benefited from many mentoring relationships from which he received valuable training, experience and honors. This foundation provided a basis for an extensive horse career with a unique emphasis on training youth and community leaders.

Lew has served as the Executive Director of Miracle Mountain Ranch Missions, Inc. (MMRM) since 1977. MMRM, located in northwestern Pennsylvania, is home for a summer youth camp, and a leadership training center for youth, adult, and family groups. He has also promoted safety in public riding programs, serving as President of the Certified Horse Association for 7 years. A licensed pastor, certified Youth, Marriage and Family Counselor, he earned his PhD from North Tennessee Seminary in 2007.

An Interview with Lew

THE TITLE OF YOUR THIRD CHAPTER IS 'ANYTHING WORTH DOING IS WORTH DOING POORLY' – WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 

Of course this statement opposes the more popular line that 'If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing well'. However we must understand that no one ever starts anything at the top of their game. Starting is often clumsy, messy, and many times, embarrassing. The key is 'get started' for you will never learn any younger, and you really have no place to go but up! The emphasis here is to learn how to take the initiative and to keep getting up when you fall.

IN CHAPTER SIX, YOU MEET BERRY AND DESCRIBE HIM AS “THE HORSE THAT WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE.” HOW DID HE CHANGE YOU?

Berry, though outwardly beautiful and inwardly kind and cooperative, came to a place in his training that seemed impossible to surpass. As chapter 6 tells you, we thought Berry had reached his pinnacle. Finally, instead of trying to force the issue, I went back and started some basic training to increase his flexibility. Eventually, he overcame the physical challenge that was holding him back before. What I learned from him impacted me. Character is a reflection of the heart and will always surpass natural beauty and talent in the long run.

IF THERE IS ONE MESSAGE YOU WANT READERS TO TAKE AWAY FROM YOUR BOOK, WHAT IS IT?

Every trainer wants a relationship with the horse. Man’s ways are opposite to God’s—we are deceitful and addictively self-absorbed—but God wants a relationship with us. To get there, God often has to corral us and get us to face the futility and deception of our own reasoning. Like the horse, we can’t 'save ourselves.' The story of this book is that not only does God want a relationship with every reader, but He has already sent the trainer, the Lord Jesus Christ, into our arena to speak our language and to elevate us to fellowship with him. It is our privilege to respond to Him in humility (repentance) and trust (faith) in His offer of forgiveness and eternal life to all who believe in Him for salvation.

Find out more about Dr. Lew Sterrett on his website: http://www.sermononthemount.org/

My Thoughts
 I enjoyed this book.  I have loved horses from an early age, although we never had horses on the farm.  Maybe that's why I loved horses so much.  The Lord spoke to me through the author in a few ways, one was that if I am constanly saying "I can't do this...." then I am focusing on myself and my powers, my abilities.  God has called me to this, therefore I need to look to the one who called me, not myself.  He is my leader, my trainer.
The other was that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.  This ministry that God has called me to is not going to be perfect, ever.  Especially not at first.  But if I want to hone my skills I need to start somewhere.  I need to just let go of the fear of failure and focus on God training me and leading me.
Other than the things it taught me, I enjoyed the easy to read nature of the book.  It was a very enjoyable read and I recommend it to others.  I found myself nodding my head in agreement to the many things he said.  I could see how some of the things would help me in rearing my daughter and son.  I encourage you to check this book out!   

My Favorite Thing To Do With Chicken

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And it happens to be the easiest thing as well!

I call this Rotel Chicken (I don't know why, it has no rotel products in it at all)

1 can salsa (your heat preference, about 16oz)
1 can refried beans
2 chicken breasts
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Cumin
1 package of soft tacos
Favorite taco fixins

In your crock pot throw the can of salsa, rinse the sides of the can with water, but don't throw that water out, throw it in the crock instead. Add the refried beans, garlic and onion powders to taste and a bit of cumin (I dunno, I measure like Rachael Ray). Mix all this up real well.

Then add the 2 chicken breasts. 2 seems to do very well, it has a nice proportion of the sauce to the meat and 2 makes a lot! (I usually always put mine in frozen and they come out great)

Turn to high for 2 hours, then low till fork tender. Or if you are putting it in the morning just turn it to low and it'll be done.

When the chicken is fork tender take it out, shred it and return it to the crock. Mix all that up and serve with taco fixins! This is the best chicken taco's I've ever had. My husband loves them and so does Nadia!

That's what's for dinner tonight!

Any good ideas for a name for this recipe, besides Rotel chicken?

A Perfect Reuben

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Besides having an awesome name (which, by the way means, See, here, a son!) Reubens are pretty favored around our house. Andrew loves them. I prefer a Rachel (which means 'ewe') myself. As such, we have them not often, but enough to have picked up some tricks of the trade for a non-soggy scrumptious Reuben.

Ingredients:
Rye bread - lightly toasted, this is important!
Corned beef
swiss cheese
sauerkraut - well drained, like for 5 minutes over the sink in a colander
1000 island dressing
butter

I've found that an electric skillet is best for cooking up these sandwiches, makes for easier flipping.

Pre-heat skillet, butter one piece of toast and place buttered toast side down on the skillet. Spread the 1000 island dressing over the piece of toast. Place one piece of swiss cheese, pile half of the meat you want to use for that sandwich, a nice, but not overly amount of sauerkraut, making sure it's even. Then the second half of meat, then cheese and then spread more 1000 island dressing over the cheese and place another piece of buttered toast on top. Cook covered for a few minutes. Check toasting with a large turner and carefully turn if toasted to your liking. Cover. Check. Then serve!

Sandwiching the sauerkraut in between the meat and cheese helps to keep the juices from leaking into the bread, making it soggy. When you eat it, the juices dribble out the sides on to the plate, rather than through the bread.

So that's our Reubens at our house. We use homemade Rye bread of course!

Enjoy!

Head Covering

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I'm covering my head now. Only at certain times. It's something that God's been bringing up again and again. I've obeyed and this is what it looks like. I'll have to blog more on that later. It's connected with the previous post.  Here is the reference about head coverings in scripture: I Corinthians 11:2-16

Your thoughts?

Deep End

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Some pretty cool things have been happening here. God's come collecting on a call He placed in my life about 8 years ago in seminary. I thought He'd not ask me to do anything with it until my kids were grown, or at least a bit older. But no, He's made it crystal clear that the time is now. I'm excited. I'm a little scared, but I stepping out in faith, one baby step at a time. Which is why I'm not saying what it is yet. But I will. I still got some thinking and processing to do on it yet.

However, I found a song that describes exactly what I've been feeling/doing/experiencing. It summarizes the past few weeks. I praise God He hasn't let up on me yet. I praise Him that He didn't give up and that I can still honor Him this way.

Deep End - Newsboys

she's diving down
gonna make her home now
the ocean
she's done with living her life
on the ground
she's sinking down
hands above her
held her
nineteen years
and now their letting go
tomorrow will be 'round
and everyone will see
no tragedy
it's like it's over
but it's just begun

she's going off
the deep end
breaking from the crowd
she's way in over her head
i think she's gonna drown
she's going off
the deep end
the search is over now
she's falling into your hands
it's all or nothing
there's no guessing
she's been lost and found

she's diving down
scars on her elbows
the wind blows
an old song spins around inside
'how sweet the sound'
to be living
and dying
looks like it's over
but it's just begun

to take this step of faith
don't need to be scared
turn worry into wonder
dissolve the fear
she's steppin' out
and you drop the blame
as she speaks the name
above all other names

to be lost and found
her world has turned
upside down
her soul restored
with salt like rain
from all of the things
that you forgave
and all the times she'd disobey
she's diving in the ocean of your grace

Happy Valentines Day!

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I don't believe in Valentines Day. If Andrew only showed his appreciation and love for me one day out of the year, we'd have problems. I could really care less about getting sweets (hello! I'm always dieting!) or stuffed animals, or other worthless junk. I know he loves me, he shows me everyday. And I am more thankful for his everyday love than what he could buy for me one day out of the year.

That being said look what Andrew got me for Valentines Day!! (Ok, so I bought it myself, but told him he was off the hook. Heh heh)

I bought these from Crystal at her online shop 2bellesandabead.com.  This was a custom order and came so fast!  I don't change out my earrings all that often, but when I saw these I knew what I wanted.  These are leverbacks that the dangles can be changed out.  So I got one whole set of earrings with three other dangle sets.  Purple, red, white and blue.  They are sort of like little flowers.  I really like them!   Here is a link to similar ones on her sight.  Ruby Red Poppy Earrings

 

 

I realized after I took the picture and uploaded it that the dangle is hanging off the wrong spot.  It's supposed to be up in that little nook. 

So head on over and check out all the cute little goodies Crystal has.  That woman is seriously crafty and creative.  I don't buy earrings from anywhere else anymore.  I have two pairs from her.  I wear my earrings all the time...bathing, exercising, sleeping.  And the metal or gems haven't peeled, discolored or chipped.  Her prices are very reasonable considering the high quality you get and you get free shipping in the US!  I love this store!! 

Double Trouble Blog Tour!

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You'll have to pardon me, but this is my first book review, so this might be a bit poor, but I'll do my best.

Double Trouble  by Susan May Warren

About Double Trouble:
With one solved case under her belt, PJ Sugar is ready to dive into her career as a private investigator. Or at least a PI's assistant until she can prove herself to Jeremy Kane, her new boss. Suddenly PJ's seeing crime everywhere. But is it just in her head, or can she trust her instincts? When she takes on her first official case-house-sitting for a witness in protective custody-Jeremy assures her there's no danger involved. But it soon becomes clear that there is someone after the witness . . . and now they're after PJ, too.

About Susan:
Susan May Warren is the RITA award-winning author of twenty-four novels with Tyndale, Barbour and Steeple Hill. A four-time Christy award finalist, a two-time RITA Finalist, she’s also a multi-winner of the Inspirational Readers Choice award, and the ACFW Book of the Year. Her larger than life characters and layered plots have won her acclaim with readers and reviewers alike. A seasoned women’s events and retreats speaker, she’s a popular writing teacher at conferences around the nation and the author of the beginning writer’s workbook: From the Inside-Out: discover, create and publish the novel in you!. She is also the founder of www.MyBookTherapy.com, a story-crafting service that helps authors discover their voice. Susan makes her home in northern Minnesota, where she is busy cheering on her two sons in football, and her daughter in local theater productions (and desperately missing her college-age son!) A full listing of her titles, reviews and awards can be found at: www.susanmaywarren.com

The HUMDINGER-of-a-CONTEST

One Grand Prize winner will receive a $150 SUPER SLEUTH prize package that includes:

* A brand new iPod Shuffle (perfect for those all-night stakeouts)
* A $10 iTunes gift card (we recommend the ALIAS soundtrack)
* A $10 Amazon gift card (why yes, they do sell spy pens)
* A $10 Starbucks gift card (for fuel, obviously)
* A pair of designer sunglasses (be stealthy AND super chic)
* A gorgeous scarf from World Market (can also be used as a blindfold, and/or for tying up bad guys)
* AND signed copies of both Nothing But Trouble & Double Trouble. (romance! danger! intrigue! sooo much better than Surveillance for Dummies!)

Now what did I think?

I did enjoy the book.  It was a bit slow to start, but then it really got going and kept you wrapped up in it till the end.  An easy read, but definitely kept you thinking.  I don't usually like mystery books, but this one was sort of mystery light and even I could think up a few outcomes that were valid, although Susan completely surprised me by the ending.  Very good.  I liked it.  It also seemed that Susan had a realistic balance of God and life.  I'm a pastors wife and some of the Christian fiction can go a bit heavy, even for me.  I felt it was a good book to give to a searching friend. 
Overall I enjoyed the book and will continue to look for books written by Susan May Warren!

Don't forget to enter the contest!