Good News Again!

search engine optimization

I'm just all full of good news, which is a welcome change from a few months ago.
We have a candidating Sunday at the northern church on June 24. YAY! This is what we were hoping for. Now we don't have the job yet, but since Andrew already interviewed and did a mini-sermon a few weeks ago, he is already approved by the council. It is probably going to be a congregational vote, but if the council approved him, we are thinking that unless there is something really wrong that comes up, it will pretty much be a rubber stamp. I can't say that for sure, that is our best and most hopeful guess. And as for moving? Well we figure we'll know maybe by the first week in July and then, well we'd have to let our jobs know, I'll have to train someone and we'll have to pack and move. We are insanely thinking a month. Yeah, right, I know. But this is all speculation. We don't have the job yet, but we are one step closer. And being that we are the only candidate at this point, the only one they've had in two years, it could very well be the place God wants us. Continue to pray in this direction. We want to know if He wants us here, we think He does. We are feeling its a fit. But you know how those things can change. Just pray He clearly shows us and we clearly hear it!
Oh and I forgot to mention, I am only 9 lbs away from my lifetime goal. Pray this happens too! I have been trying to get here for years and it would be so nice to reach this. It seems this last couple of pounds have been a little harder to loose, but they are coming off, so I'll keep on keeping on. This makes 31 lbs in all. Yay! I can't wait to make that skirt. That'll be for next time.

A More Thorough Update

search engine optimization

Well I promised a more in depth update once I was up to it. So here goes. Our adventure out east started before we even got in the car.
It was Monday night, I had put one last load in the washing machine, dirty diapers. Ya know, I didn't want to come back to THAT once we got home. Washing diapers takes a long time, want to make sure they are clean, so when at 9:30 they weren't finished, I didn't bat an eye. However, when the washing machine was still running at 10:30 I thought I'd better look. Seemed ok, so I turned it off, opened the door and shut it again. Nothing. Great. Night before we leave and our washing machine is on the fritz. Great, just greaaaaaaaaaaaat. So I take all of the diapers out, ew, rinse them in the tub and hang them there to dry, all the while wondering what they are going to look like after two weeks of hanging there.
The next day I woke up at 5:30 to do some yoga, get things around and get on the road. We got on the road at approx 8am. Which is good for us. The trip, itself went well, with all of us getting a little nutty after about 6 hours. The trip takes 8.
The first meeting was Wednesday evening. It was their prayer meeting and they asked Andrew to give a short devotional. This is the northern church that I was not real keen on at first. Every bone in my body was rebelling at this interview and even driving up there. I thought 'if I am so against this, something must be telling me it's not the one. Why even drive up there? Why go through this? I know I'm not going to like it." We got up there and I found myself liking the area. It is very remote, very rural, but in the mountains and very beautiful. I was trying make myself not like it. I didn't want to fall in love with anything there, because if I did that might mean we were to go there. I am such a child.
Anyway, we got there, killed some time and then met some of the gentlemen of the church. They showed us around the labyrinth of a church that it is. It looks small from the outside, but once you enter the doors there is quite a facility there! I was shocked. And is it beautiful. They still use their bell, regularly! They have deep mahogany wood paneling, real wood! It is a beautiful church. We met some of the people. Warm, big hearted people. Then when the service started I was filled with such joy and excitement, I couldn't believe it. I have never before experienced that level of joy! I smiled like I hadn't smiled in years. I kid you not. Oh I was struggling. I still didn't want to go to this church, I was very resistant to it. But I felt the Lord saying "I want you to be willing to go to this church, even if I don't call you to it." I couldn't be resistant to my Lord, I just couldn't do that. So I relented.
I deeply enjoyed my time in their prayer service. They are a praying people and their prayers touched me deep. I pray that they find the pastor they need, even if it's not us. My heart goes out to them, as I've been in a church before without a pastor. Truly churches like that are sheep without a shepherd. Good folk, but lacking leadership.
The interview followed the service, which went well. I felt open and was very talkative with the people there. It was very relaxed and we even laughed! Not the nervous laughing either. Very comfortable. We can both see ourselves there. We are trying not to get our hopes up.
We saw the parsonage. A lovely home, bigger than ours, with lots of room for more family. Ample yard, room for a garden, a large garden and they even have a clothes line already set up. I like it.
They basically asked us to call with our decision on follow up, as they knew we had an interview with another church later that week. I think I could hear hope fading in his voice as he asked us to call with our decision. I felt sad for him.
Anyway, we both feel positively about this church and are hoping for the best. They have a council meeting to discuss us/this/whatever Tuesday night. We should know by Wednesday of their decision.
Friday was the meeting with the southern church. This church is inner city. Very inner city. Large large church. The biggest I've ever been in. And the position was not a pastoral position, but more of an administrative position. Andrew is called to be a pastor. The interview went very well, we thought, but we both came out of there not feeling a fit with this position. Because of that and because of the subsequent phone call we got from them confirming that, I will not go into the church much more than what I have.

As far as the rest of our trip. Well suffice it to say, I was glad to come home. It was a long trip. We all stayed in the same room. Nadia is not used to us sleeping in a room with her, nor are we used to her sleeping in a room with us. I do not know how we did it for two months here in our house. Grace. That's all I can say. We all did not sleep well. Andrew had a cough that forced him out of the room more than once to sleep on the couch, which would wake up both Nadia and I. One more than one occasion Nadia slept with us. Then on Sunday my in laws had a family reunion of over thirty people in a small three bedroom ranch. It was nuts. But wait, there's more! Most everyone was outside and then it decided to rain. I mean it poured! Like sideways! I kid you not! So everyone was inside, and poor little claustrophobic me was starting to hyperventilate. It was not pretty. I had to leave. I stood outside under the awning. Nadia was not faring well. She wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping and I thought it was because of the people. She was hot, it was hot. But then the next day I took her temp and it was high. Like 104 high. Well Monday was memorial day, we were out of town, so we took her to the ER. She had had a cold two weeks ago, so we were pretty sure of what it was. Fast forward all day in the ER and she had an ear infection. Bingo! She was a gem there though. Poor punkin was just tired. So she rested and slept. I knew she wasn't feeling well when she did that! So we got her prescription and went home. Ever since she started that med she has not had a normal bowel movement. I feel so bad for the poor girl. I wish I could take her pain. I don't wish this on her. But she's almost done with the regimen and the family dr said to keep it up, it's normal, eat yogurt, she'll be ok. And yogurt has been the one thing she's wanted. So that's good.
We got a call from the southern church on Tuesday that another interview was not needed, don't call us, we'll call you (that's why we waited so long, in case they wanted another interview, not to have to travel another 16 hour round trip, do it all in on she-bang.) So Wednesday we cleaned up, packed up, and Thursday came home. YAY! I was never so happy to see our home.
Andrew, my wonderful, talented, able-bodied hubby, was able to fix out washer! It was a rubber band around the motor. And we thought we'd have to buy a new one! YAY! No money out on this repair and all thanks to my wonderful hubby!
I went to my best friends bridal shower at the beach on Saturday. Just her and her girls. It was nice. It was relaxing and I enjoyed myself. I know Sara did too. Now I just gotta get her dress done. Just have to sew the hem, fix a few little diddies here and there and the dress is done. As far as the jacket is concerned, I have to sew the sleeves on then sew the trim on, then it's done. And I want to get the dress either dry cleaned or pressed. She is coming on Saturday for a final fitting.
Speaking of the rest of the month, boy is June packed! I am working this Wednesday because of a conference this weekend that my hubby is attending and that I am taking pics for on Friday. We have a guest for Friday night who is attending the same conference. Sara is stopping by on Saturday for the dress and then I am taking Sara shopping for her wedding present. Figured she would know what she needs more than I do.
Sunday I am in the nursery. Nadia will love that!
Thursday evening is saying goodbye to the big boss. Then that Saturday my parents are coming into town for another conference in town. They aren't staying with us. Then that conference is the following Monday through Wednesday (which my hubby and I are doing pics for) and then my mom is staying with us wed through fri. That weekend is the only weekend we have free for a possible candidating Sunday. Then the last weekend we are helping a friend move. And then July 4 Sara gets married! ECK! Too much, too much too much.
But before you know it, June will be gone, July will be here and then Nadia will be two! Can you believe it!?
My little girl is almost two! I'm so ready for another one. But that's another post.
So there you have it, the whole kit and caboodle.
I can't wait to get this dress done so I can start making some skirts for myself. I found some great sites that I'll share with you next time. I need to get going on this dress so later!

Short Update

search engine optimization

I thought I'd give a short update of what's going on here in my world. We just got back today, we are exhausted. It was a long trip. I will elaborate more next time.
Suffice it to say. We had two interviews and one was not a fit. Not the one we thought, though. But one was/is. They are excited, we are very excited. We are waiting to hear back from them next Wednesday for a candidating Sunday. We think this could happen. We both see us there in ministry. That's all I'm going to say for now. I am so tired. I just want to eat my jello.
I'll talk later.

Making A Break For It

search engine optimization

I thought I'd post on here since I probably won't for about two weeks, at least.

We leave tomorrow for PA. Wednesday hubby has an interview at the northern church and friday with the southern church. Please pray for us.

He got a call from another pastor in MI that is talking about an associates position. I'm not holding my breath. Not to say I'm not grateful, it's just not sounding too promising.

Nadia and Andrew both seem to be over their colds. Although Andrew has a lingering cough that seems to happen to him after colds in the spring and fall. Don't know why. He's tried everything. I'm beginning to think it's allergies.

I started to get a cold from the both of them, but I stopped it in it's tracks. I'll share my secret. Take two garlic cloves, cut them up so that they are small and swallow with water. I recommend doing this before bed, that way you can't offend people with your breath. Just your hubby, or wife. And, well, they took vows, right? Garlic can't be that bad. And if you both do it, you don't even notice! I did this for two days right at the start of it and no sign of a cold. YAY! I am going to do this everytime. It does make EVERYTHING about you stink though. But hey, I'd rather be stinky than stuffy.

Nadia has started an additude of late. She just simply won't do what I say. It's frustrating. I know I am learning too.

I should get to bed. It's only 9.30 but I'm tired and I want to get up at 5am so I can work out, get ready, get Nadia ready, eat and be on the road by 7am. That's what Andrew wants and I want to do it for him, but I'm not sure it's going to happen. We'll see.

Please be in prayer for us, I will post if I can.

-Kathryn

When It Rains......

search engine optimization

To say we are stressed is an understatement. To say we are inundated with calls and projects and places to go and people to see is an understatement. Ever since the Regional Conference we went to, what, two weeks ago, it seems like life has taken a turn and is on the expressway. Do not get me wrong! These are good things! Let me elaborate.
We were contacted at the Regional Conference by a pastor and his elder about a position at their church. We currently have an interview with said church at the end of the month (your prayers are welcome and needed!). Also, we were contacted last evening by a church that contacted us months ago, but could not afford the salary. Time has a way of sorting things out and they are now able to pay the package that we would need. That is good. However, we now have two church with which to discuss things with and that leaves us sort of discombobulated. Would this be any other job, we would interview all at the same time. However, this is not. It's so different. Do we do one at a time? Or all together? That is something to figure out. Also into this equation is 16 hour round trips, for both churches. Both are in PA, but one is north and one is south. Ugh, what to do! And how do we hear God on this? I mean both can pay what we need, yay! (Which means health insurance, which means we could have another baby!) but we don't want to go solely on who can pay more. We are not in it for that. Just what we need, thank you. And these past almost two years have shown us that we can live on a lot less than what we initially thought. We didn't have health insurance, but we have our health. I value that more. So we are trying to figure that out.
We also agreed to taking a membership class at the church we currently attend. Our thought was, this is where we are at, we could be here for another five years (yikes!) or another five months. But this is where we are at. Well we started the classes and now these things are happening.
My best friend is getting married in less than two months. I am the Matron of Honor, so that means I am throwing her a shower, just a relaxing thing. To the lake. It will be relaxing and nice, but that is right and I do mean right, after we get back from the interview at the end of this month. Also I am making her wedding dress and the jacket to go with it. Eck! It is going well, but it is cutting close. She lives over an hour away, so time together to fit and such is short. I am still working so finding time to sew is at a premium. My husband is the photographer for it (which leaves me sort of out for it, I am usually his right hand man, er, woman for weddings. I will help as I can.) And my daughter is the flower girl. We are all involved. The wedding is over an hour away.
Keep in mind that for all of the meetings we will need to take time off of work to go. That means less money coming in. It is all very confusing. I know God is in control and believe me I am excited at the opportunities. It is good stress. However, it is stress, nonetheless.
So that is life at high speed ahead, please join us in our prayers. Please pray for peace, wisdom, understanding and discernment. We need it.

Good News On the Home Front

search engine optimization

Just thought I'd check in after being AWOL for a week from the net. We traveled back home for the Regional Conference there. I worked the conference for my boss, taking pictures and writing a report for the paper. Got to do that yet. I have it started, but I have to finish it. Anyway, I went into the conference very negatively and discouraged. That was monday. It was a good day, but still downhearted. However, Tuesday night, the night of the ceremony, God sent several people our way to lift us up, to fill us with hope. The pastoral couple that I took my internship under (I took my internship in the SW with the Navajo) were there at the conference. I talked briefly with them about our struggles while admiring the beautiful Navajo jewlery they had there. It is well worth the money they ask for it, but I cannot spend money on something that is a want. Later the pastor's wife came up to me, embraced me while shoving something in my hand. She spoke words of encouragement and hope to me. I don't remember all that she said, I just remember that it was much needed. I was lifted. I looked later at the pieces she gave, a beautiful ring, one I was admiring and a wonderful bracelet. I was blessed, I was very blessed. Then another pastor came by, one who is the head of one of the committees and arranged a meeting with another head of a committee (the committee that places pastors!). And then the Director of the Region and his wife sat down and had dinner with us! What words of encouragement they spoke to us! We both were lifted. It was needed. What was so wonderful about all of that is it showed me that God cares about the state of our hearts. He cares that we cry even though He knows how it will turn out. It's like when Nadia cries about leaving Pooh in her crib, I comfort her even though I know she will have him again in a few hours. He cares that we hurt. And that means so much to me.
The ceremony went very well, I am so proud of my husband. He is a pastor now! I was able to get some great shots of the lisentients and the ordinands. I don't know if I spelled those words right or not, but they used them in the ceremony, so I am too.
We have some serious opportunities for jobs available to us that we are excited about. Please pray for wisdom and the ability to hear His voice in this. We are so excited.
Thank you again for your prayers and please continue to pray. Just thought I'd give a little update.

Dancing, Jigging....But not at the same time

search engine optimization

I am doing a little dance today. God has blessed me through my husband....again.
About two-three weeks ago my little rotating, umbrella-like outdoor clothes line fell over....AGAIN. In fact, it so liked the falling, it did it THREE times. Of course, I had it laden with heavy, wet clothing. And of course, Andrew was at work. Of course it fell into the freshly tilled garden and of course, I lifted it up all three times, muttering what a terrible piece of tin this thing was. I was waiting, just waiting for my neighbor to walk up his driveway and start chuckling. Hm, chuckle. Yeah, it's funny.
Anyway, in the midst of all that warring with my aluminum friend, it got bent. I mean really, the arms bent up in a most modern art-like way. Well the line was mixed up so terribly, meanwhile clothes, wet clothes, mind you, and clothes pins were all in this jumble too. I was not to be outdone. Nooooo way was a clothesline going to get the best of me. I left all of those clothes on there to dry. Well except for the now dirty ones. Took those off and washed them again. By the end of the day, however, most of them got thrown in the dryer, because there was not a lot of airflow between the clothes. Most were layered on each other. Sigh.
Fast forward to yesterday. I had done my research and knew what type of clothesline I wanted. I wanted a real one. Like what my mother had when I was growing up. A nice pulley system, so that I don't have to walk, drag, walk, drag, walk, drag to put up laundry. I told Andrew of my plans (which by the way, I think most men like it when you present to them what your end result is, what you need and how you need it, I don't think they like all of the inbetween figuring out. Well at least my man likes that!) and asked him if I could pick up the stuff. He said sure!
So off Nadia and I went to Home Depot.
I should've found a woman.
Nay, I should've found a woman who hangs laundry.
Instead I found a woman, who found me a man, who said (in a home improvement store) 'no we don't have anything that will help you'. Excuse me? I wanted a wooden pole, preferrably treated, two pulley's (big honkin pulley's), line and the screws and so forth. I was told that the wood would warp and not be very good for that. Really? Then what, pray tell, do you sell to people who are making DECKS!!!
Anyway, they told me to go to a store that sells things for landscaping. Really? Ok. So before I go there I use the store phone to call and see their hours. 8-9, great, but they don't sell clothesline stuff. Go to Tractor's Supply.
So I stuff Nadia back in the car and we head merrily off to TS. They don't have the big honkin pulley's, haven't carried that stuff for years. DOESN'T ANYONE HANG THEIR CLOTHING ANYMORE OUTSIDE TO DRY??
Ahem. Then, I see, shining in the distance like a beacon, Menards. One last try.
I again stuff a now disgruntled Nadia back in the car and head to my one last try.
I find a woman, who has hung clothing in her parents backyard for years.
Thank you Lord!
Well they didn't have the pulley's but I revamped my plans, made an executive decison and went with a crossbar with two lines out to the tree and back. Andrew was impressed with my planning and subsequent change of plans and put it in that night.
Right now, ladies (and gentlemen?), I have a beautiful clothesline that I am proud to call mine, that I am proud to hang my shirts on, my diapers (well not mine....). I am so fond of this new thing I want to take it with me when we move. But it's cemented in the ground, that's not gonna happen.

On another note.... I got a new dishwasher!!!!
Oh it's new to me, but it's like 17 years old. However, it's nicer than the one we had before. Mainly because I don't shriek and holler everytime I walk past "Awwww, crap, it's leaking again!" The stinkin think leaked so much. I was ready to give it a diaper. Well I kinda did. I would stuff rags underneath. It was a portable. We had to turn it everytime we wanted to run it. This one is quieter, we don't have to turn it, it gets the dishes cleaner. I am loving it!

I can thank my hubby for both of these things. He's a good man.

It Hurts A Little Today

Seems that as time goes on the pain of being forgotten gets just a little bit bigger. We've been waiting for a church for two years now. We've sent out resume's to all the regions. We've been accepted in one, contacted by a church in that one region (over a month ago, still waiting to hear back, they are looking for enough money to pay), have been put on the back burner in another region, and the other one, well we must've gotten lost or something. Two years! I know two years is nothing when considering somethings. But when you are considering that this is what you went to school for, this is what you feel called of God to do, two years is a long time. This is our occupation! We are barely scraping by. Life is so much on hold. We don't have insurance, so we can't have another baby right now. I haven't been to a GYN appt since my 6 week post pardum checkup. Do we put another garden in? Will we be around to harvest it? Or will we be around for next years garden too? We can't get too involved with a church, who wants someone who will be here today and gone tomorrow? We could be here another five years, or we could be gone by the end of summer. I just don't know what to think anymore. Oh God remember your promise!
Aside from all that my heart just hurts over this. I thought we'd be somewhere by now. I'm trying not to whine, trying not to complain. And really I'm not, I just hurt. How much more can I say about it but that. I'm not asking why, not yelling at God. I just hurt. And I can't tell you why. I don't have a really good reason in mind, I just hurt. I just hurt.
I'm not a grieving person. Not really, anyhow. I mean I cried over my lost cat, but when my grandfather died, well I didn't really feel anything. But I don't cry over lots of stuff. But this gets me. I just don't know what to think or do or pray anymore. I'm just kinda stuck. So that's where I'm at. Just hurt.

Faith, Fitness and Finding a Home

It seems we are heading into some wintery weather for the next couple of days. Great. I am soooo looking forward to it.

Well I'm down 21 pounds so far. My goal is another 19 to get to my calculated weight. I took a health class and they have a way to accurately calculate your weight. A 25 fat percentage for my lean muscle mass and my bone structure would put me at 165. I don't care if you know how much I weigh. 25% is just in the 'healthy' standard of fat. So, I am aiming for that. So far I've lost a total of 100 pounds. Yes, I weighed almost 300 pounds at one point. I was a big girl. This is the thinnest I've ever been in my life. When I get to my 165 weight we'll see if I need to loose more, but I am going to be happy if the scale never budges from that. I am going to reward myself with making a dress for me, just me. I make stuff for hubby, friends, I am making a wedding dress, but the last time I made something for myself to wear was when I was pregnant. I needed it, but this time, it's for fun.
The only problem with loosing weight is....I don't have any clothes to wear. You know those commercials where the woman is holding the waistband of her pants out? Well I can do that. All of my summer clothes are too too big. I can't wear them. I don't have any money to buy new. But I've taken some clothes to consignment and am selling some on ebay. Which reminds me, one of my auctions is ending tonight. Gotta see how much I made.
Nadia has another cold. She just fell asleep about 30 mins ago. I know some will disagree with this, but we give her baby cold medicene. It's called Little Colds and she does really well with it. It helps her cough, her stuffy nose and helps with fever. I figure she'll heal faster if she can get some sleep. She didn't sleep well last night, yesterday and today's naps were VERY short. I even laid down with her and she kept sticking her fingers in my nose and mouth (yeah, and I wonder how I get sick....)
When I was younger I didn't like Easter. Now I think Easter is my favorite holiday. It is so significant to me. Without Easter, Christmas would be nothing. I'm trying to read through Christ's last week as the days coincide. So much happened in that last week. No wonder the man died so quickly. He was tired!
I've found myself longing to be done with this time we are in. I want to be somewhere. Although I can't complain. There was a young man who used to visit with us every week. He'd come over, eat dinner and chat. Nadia just LOVED him. He helped us with the roof. He was good to have around, nice company. He enlisted in the army and went to basic at the end of January. Andrew and I were very open (how can we not be, he's trying to get a church to pastor!) about our faith, but we were also very human too. In his last letter he said that we helped him find his way to Christ. HOW AWESOME IS THAT!! I'm baking that boy some cookies! Probably my huge chocolate chip cookies. When I read that, it made me cry. If God has given me the ability to cook in order that others may be blessed, then Lord bless my hands that You may work through them more! I baked the lady down the street some bread when she first moved in. She's a single mom. I don't know where she stands. But we've started a friendship. Her little girl is 2.5 and she and Nadia just love each other. She's a nice woman. Hope to get to know her better.

It has come to my attention that people actually read this blog. *Gasp* Nah, I know that, just sometimes don't realize how many people read it.

We are currently in communication with a church. Things are still being worked out and arrangements being thought through. So we are waiting. But waiting is ok. We've been waiting for a couple of years now, I think we ought to be content with it. And I am. I truly am. I am content with where we are at. It's a funny thing. A year ago, I bemoaned the fact that we were sitting ducks. Well now I see that's not the whole truth. Waiting on the Lord to move is so much more differently than just waiting for a dr, or waiting for the water to boil. God is moving. He is working. I know that. And most of all I know that He is working in me to change me, where I need to be changed. And, well, if that helps me to deal better with taking on a church, then so be it. I know I will be thankful after we come out of this forest. Please keep us in your prayers for this one.

In about a month we will be totally debt free. We've had a couple of 'blessings' and we will have no credit card debt or medical bills. That will be a joyous day when we send that last check off. YAY! We are planning a 'frugal' party. Some streamers, a ham (done my way, oh yum! and I can make a couple more meals out of that....Split Pea soup with rice and ham, scalloped potatoes and ham, green beans and ham, ham and bean soup....I could go on. I digress) and some other yummies we all like. I think I will bake a cake for this momentous occasion. And we will make a photocopy of the last bill to pay and burn it. I am looking forward to it.

I got my hair cut today. I got about 4 inches cut off. It's still a few inches past my bra, but it's so much more healthier. It was all straw like from blow drying it this winter. I was showering at the gym and couldn't go out with a wet head, so I blew dried it. Well now that Nadia can keep herself busy while I shower, I just let my hair air dry at home. So much better. But I really like the cut I got and it looks so much better! Hubby likes it. So that's all that matters.

I'm reading two books right now Biblical Womanhood In the Home by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and A Woman's Answer to Anger by Annie Chapman. Both are really good and really needed books in my life right now. Yes, I am an angry woman. But I have been working on that for several years. I know it needs to go. Although I realized something. I will always have the ability to be angry. God made us with the ability to feel anger. God Himself gets angry too. So I've learned I'm not to get to the place where I never get angry, I long to be a the place that anger is not my 'go-to' emotion. That's what I'm working on.

I've lost 17 lbs since the beginning of January. It's great! The only thing is just about all of my clothes are too big and well, I don't have a whole lotta cash to go get new ones. But since it's going to warm up soon, I am going to wait. I went through all of my summer clothes, washed them, have them on hangers and am going to sell them at consignment. That will give me some cash to go to Salvation Army to get some new summer clothes. Since I still have 23 lbs left to loose I don't want to invest in a lot of new new clothes, but just some transitional stuff. I'm so excited.

Hubby finally went through the closet in this study. Ugh, it was disgusting. He's a bit of a pack rat. He's kept just about every bulletin from every church service he's ever been to. Things from high school (he's 31). Things he thought he might need, saved and then never looked at again until now. I'm so proud of him. He got rid of a large black garbage bag full of papers and junk. I am giving some stuff to freecycle and have to look through another tote myself. He found more fabric. Ugh. I can't believe the amount of fabric I have. I can't wait to stop working so I can sew more! I'm working on a quilt. It will be nice when I'm done. But the farthest I've gotten on it is cutting the squares. I just basically cut squares out of whatever leftover projects. It will be nice and warm. Can't wait to see it when it's done.

Talked to family yesterday and today. My grandma is in the hospital. BP was 220/110. Not good. She's 90.

Thanks for reading. Please have a blessed evening!

He Brought Me Here

First He brought me here, it is by His will I am in this straight place. In that fact I rest. Next, He will keep me here in His love, and give me the grace to behave as His child. Then He will make the trail a blessing teaching me lessons He intends for me to learn, and working in time the grace He means to bestow. Last, in His good time, He can bring me out again...how and when, He knows. - Andrew Murray

For a long time I have seen the time we are in as a happenstance. Bad things just happen. This quote above has reminded me that, no, bad things just don't happen. For that would mean that good things just happen as well. I have a hard time believing that. My husband didn't just happen, my daughter didn't just happen. So too, the disappointments about a church, the mold, the $350 problem with the furnace on the night of a blizzard, the room, the car, the....the... the...., didn't just happen. They were all orchestrated. That is both reassurring and a little angering. Reassuring in that this is not just a "whoops, did I do that?" sort of God moment. Like God forgot, or slipped his finger off of the buttons. Or took a lunch break. This was meant to happen to us.
Angering in that, it was meant to happen to us. Everything from my PPD, to the financial straits we find ourselves in right now. It was meant to happen. But I KNOW, I KNOW that when we finally come out I will be glad that we went through it. However, I will never want to go through it again.
I can be assured of a faithful saying "This too shall pass..." eventually it will.

The Art of Becoming

I am in the process of loosing weight. I've said that before. But I am constantly trying to think of ways to do it better. I'm here today to sort of 'put on paper' what I am planning on doing.

• I am still a part of Nutridiary.com's website. I log there daily.
  
• I am still being active, I go to the gym everyday, except sunday. I am active at home.
• I am being conscious of what I eat.

But here's where I changed some things, this is what I am going to do differently.

• I found a website that lists 100 snacks for under 100 calories. Which is awesome.
  
• I plan on eating a good breakfast, for under 200 calories. Then mid morning eating a 100 calorie snack. A 500 calorie lunch, mid afternoon 100 calorie snack. Then a 500 calorie supper with a 100 calorie snack in the evening. That will put me at 1500 calories everyday. And I'll always be shoving something in my mouth.
  
• During supper, which is when my resolve flags the most, I will make myself a cup of green tea (decaf) sweetened with stevia.
  
• And in the evening I have the tendency, if I go to bed late, to want to eat. So if I get to that point, I will pop in one of my pilates or yoga tapes and do that instead.
• I will continue with the water as much as possible.
• And while I watch tv or a movie (which isn't often) I will bounce on my exercise ball. One hour burns 250 cals. And I'm just watching TV!
  

So this is what I have planned for my weight loss. It seems to be going well. Right now I've had my lunch, I've worked out, I've had a snack mid morning and I feel pretty good.
I'm even going to see about getting a popcorn popper. Doing it in the pan is calorically expensive. The oil is what gets ya. Plus a popper will pop every kernal, we won't waste on oil, and it's soooo low in calories.

Now if I could just get to bed on time....

Nadia's room is just about finished. The carpet guy came last night to measure. We are choosing a very light green minty carpet. Very pretty. It will match the cream/tan stuff we have in the house. Hubby has the walls back in, painted and looking very very nice. He even improved the window, put more insulation in and put a frame around the window that wasn't there before. He is just about done putting the closet door in. Really all we need to have done is the carpet. He is going to wait to put the door in until the carpet is installed. Then we can put Nadia back in her room. YAY!! I can hardly wait. We need to think about how we want the room set up. I think once she is in her room we will all sleep better. She sleeps great until we get in our room, then she wakes up a lot. She takes great naps because we aren't in there.

We are still waiting to hear from the regions. That committee has their meeting today. Pray! Hubby is sending a resume to another region right now. We'll see how that goes.

Well gonna sign off. Get some other things done.
Blessings!

Just Lil ol me

Good grief! I just realized I haven't blogged on here in about a month! Gee wizz. Gotta get on here more often.

I'm loosing weight. Yup, that's right. I'm back on track and I've already lost my christmas weight and then some. I am just 6 pounds away from my prepregnancy weight. Which is still overweight, but still.... I've been counting calories. Yuck. But hey it works. I've found this great site Nutridiary that is free and is very extensive. I really like it. I've found that for me, if I consume 1500 calories a day but then expend 500 a day I will loose weight, but yet have energy and not feel weak and tired. So far I've lost 6 pounds doing this and I started it Jan 5. YAY!! I have another 36 pounds to go and then I'll be at my goal weight. Most of this is old fat. It'll be harder to get rid of. We've become good friends. About 17 years long. I've always been overweight. Always. I'm gonna do it though. It just takes willpower. Willpower to not eat sweets and breads, willpower to be active. My favorite saying of late has been "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels". It's corny, I know, but it works! I just keep that in the forefront of my mind and it's been working. I do allow myself to indulge. But it's not often. And I enjoy it when I do. And I just compensate later for it. Like I'll take a walk, or bounce on my stability ball for a while. Or just do some extra at the gym. Everything is permissible, just not everything is beneficial. I have to know that everything that goes in my mouth will be accounted for. There is no one else to blame except me. And I'm taking control of this. I think it's about time.

We opted out of going to the pastoral assessment this week in PA. They provided no childcare and while we knew this, one of the leaders said that he could find someone. That someone ended up being 1 hour away. They wanted us just to drop Nadia off at their place and leave. Hello! She's still nursing and only 18 months old. Nevermind that, we don't know these people! This wasn't turning out to be very family friendly. I was worried. So we put it off till later.

Still haven't heard anything from Eastern. Hoping we will soon.

My very best friend is getting married! He's a great guy and very sweet. I think they will make a great marriage. They are both strong in the Lord and are seeking His will in this. She has asked me to be the Matron of Honor and to make the dress. Eck! Eh, it's an easy dress. I'm excited to do it. I have some altering to do to the dress, for how she wants it. It will be beautiful.

Nadia's doing great. She's teething, but when is she not? She's growing and just gets cuter everyday. I didn't think that was possible. She just does these funny things. She's such a riot. I love being a mom. Gasp! Did I just say that? I did.

Seems everyone around me is getting or has had another baby. Ya know, like the people I was pregnant with last time are pregnant again or have already had another one. I feel left out. But, I cannot let that get me. This is what we have decided. We don't have any insurance. It would be foolish. We will wait until we get a church. But I'm worried that we will never feel it's the right time to have a baby.

Off to do some other stuff on the web. I will try to keep up with this.

I'm Back.

The past couple of weeks have been a blur, a nightmare (of sorts), interesting, educating, and humbling.

About two months ago we repaired our leaky roof. We had water damage to the drywall in Nadia's room that we ripped out about a month ago. That night we all (hubby, me, friends staying with us) got violently ill. We were taken to the ER and told not to return to our house. The church put us up in a hotel for two days and then friends of ours let us stay with them. Our house had mold. Now while we don't think the illness we had was from the mold, it was good we got sick because we could still be in that house and not have done a thing to the mold. We called a mold remediation guy, the insurance company and our families. They came in, cleaned and left. We did a test, this was just last week and the house failed. They only cleaned Nadia's room and did basically nothing to the rest of the house. There was visible mold damage left. They didn't get it all. So we were still out of our house and running out of insurance money. The mold guys came back, ripped out the rest of the mold, cleaned more and set up the air scrubber which is still running right now. Should be until friday. The air quality is already better. Andrew has been vacuuming the snot out of the house. We have a hepa filter on our vacuum. A couple of the ladies and I are wiping down the walls on saturday and I am going to be doing laundry until the cows come home. That's ok, because with all of this, we will be back in the house Christmas Eve. YAY!!
I've learned alot about mold. Mold spores are like seeds, they won't grow unless the conditions are right. So you could have a mold spore on a surface for years and it won't do anything except sit there. Until it gets wet and moist, then it will grow. What we are doing is sucking up, or irradicating any spores that might be around. They can't burrow in anywhere, they will just land, like dust. And I learned that most houses have mold in them, all the time, just small amounts. Those amounts our bodies can handle. Large massive quantities, no. And its worse for a baby. I am so glad I'm still nursing her. I don't plan to encourage weaning until we move out of this house.
On another note, Andrew was approved for ministry with the region we were trying in. This is big, good news! We have lots of ministry opportunities now. I am so glad. That was a bright spot in this whole moldy mess.
We have been so blessed in this whole time, inspite of what's happened. People have come out of the wood work to help and care for us. We are so blessed to have great friends like this. God has taken good care of us.
So we'll be back for Christmas. What a blessing. I got two great big presents from God this year, Andrew was approved and we will be back home for Christmas. Thank you God!

Just a Chat

I thought I'd take a break from work for a while, been working all day. Kinda unfair in a way, I'm about to whine. My hubby works from 8-5 everyday, comes home, eats and then gives the babe a bath, puts her to bed and then vegges for the evening. Sometimes he does some studying or something. But me, I, get up sometimes twice in the night to care for our daughter, which I'm used to now. Then I'm going from the morning, I'm not even out of bed and I'm working (nursing) and then I go go go all day. Right now I'm trying to get some things done for the Gem. I am so tired. If I'm not working on work, then I'm working on home. If I'm not doing either of those things, I'm sewing Christmas gifts. When do I get to rest? I want some fun! That's what date night's for. Date night is really our sabbath.
Anyway. Hubby has another meeting tomorrow with another commission. This one has already approved him, but we are wondering if, in the light of all of the rumblings that have happened because of those conflict of doctrinal issues, that this commission won't recind on their previous decision. Crap. I'm a little disgusted.
I am so tired. I am so cold. I am I am I am.........


Going to close this post. It's 9:38pm, I've been working on the Gem since 6pm, with baby interspersed to put to bed. I am goint to get the house in order and then go to bed.

Good night.

Today is Halloween

And we are Halloweenies, because we don't celebrate it. Actually, we aren't anti-halloween (yes, I know what all of those mean, but) we are un-halloween. I'm sure, given time we might be anti, but for right now, since we don't know our stance on it, we are un. Mainly because here you have tons of people knocking on your door, opening up their bags for freebies and you can so slyly slip a tract in their bag. It's like the easiest witnessing ever! We've never done it, because by the time we think about it, it's too late to order tracts. Ugh. So anyway, we turned our light off and made for the hills (well there are no hills here) But you know what I mean.
I actually had an old woman talk to my daughter in the store last week. Nadia is still just a baby (ok she's 15 mo's, but she's still a baby to me!) and this lady said to her "So have the witches and ghosts got you yet?" Granted Nadia doesn't even know what those things are, but still, I was appalled! I would never say that to a child. Good grief.

So I thought I would mention that I nearly halved our grocery bill!!! YAY!! It's all since I have gotten the cookbook called More With Less. It has tasty tasty tasty! recipes and oh so healthy too. But very very frugal.
Some things I have been doing to cut our expenses lately:
I bake my own bread from scratch (not even using the breadmaker anymore, I use my kitchenaid instead)
I've made my own sourdough starter to use in place of yeast (although I've found a place where I can buy 2#'s for $2.50, so that's not bad) This will take some getting used to though.
I am using beans for half of the recipes I make. ie-Monday night is some sort of bean recipe with a salad and a bread product, either biscuits or homemade bread, Tuesday would be fish (you can get 9lbs of frozen filleted tilapia, which is a nice light fish for less than $10 and that lasts for a long time!) and then wed would be beans again. Hubby has been very happy with this set up and it's helped us to save money and on calories.
From each meal I freeze a large enough portion to be another whole meal for all of us. And we eat the other leftovers for lunches. Nadia eats from our table now, so I don't have to make baby food anymore. I am planning on utilizing those frozen portions for our future menus.
I save bones and scrap meat for stock, likewise with chicken. It's so much more healthy than the store bought, not as much salt.
When it's time to grocery shop I scour the online ads for local stores (we don't get a newspaper, that saves $$!) make a list of potential items that I would use and then make a menu from those items that are on sale.
I shop at Salvation Army, am a member of freecycle.org and go to consignment shops.
This has really gotten me to think about what we really need and what is a want. If it is a want, we go without. And ya know, it's not that bad. We have a new roof, heat (sometimes, but that's another story) and food (yeah, even with this new system I've still only lost 3#'s.)
So pray for us, our furnace only works intermittenly (is that how you spell it?) right now it's desperately trying to kick on and it won't do it. That's why the baby is sleeping in our room, so that if the furnace decides to go on strike, we only have to heat one room. We are slowly getting used to that.
I am sewing a lot of christmas gifts this year. It's another vest for hubby, a pair of flannel pajama pants for Sara, and a dress for mom. Our families exchanged names this year to minimize expense. Thank you Lord!
I'm going to go get more clothes on, I'm cold!! One blessing about that, it's saving us money!

A lot of crap floating around

A lot has happened since my last post, I realize I say that a lot. Right now at this moment, I am sitting next to my daughters diaper pail. And there is a nice scrapping loudly going on above my head. Both are a result of a problem we discovered two weekends ago. Resulting in everything being disrupted in our house. We knew the roof had a leak which caused some discoloration in the baby's room. Discovered that over a year ago. We tried fixing it with roof tar and stuff like that. Then around thanksgiving we discovered it was ruining the wall in her room. Great. Well fast forward to two weeks ago and we had another wet spot on the ceiling and the ceiling was getting heavy. Great. So now Nadia is sleeping in the study at night in her pack n play and napping in our room in her pack n play. That night after she was asleep in the study, we punctured a hole in that wet spot, causing a stream of water to run into a placed bucket. Great. Well we couldn't really do anything about it, because we have no money, so we called the insurance company to see what they would cover. Meanwhile the next weekend we had our first candidating appt with a church. YAY! We weren't approved yet for ministry in that region, but we had a meeting the following tuesday with the appropriate committee for that approval. So we were putting the cart before the horse, but the chairman of that committee is ok with that. The candidating went well, the meeting....well suffice to say it did not. Oh, they were much more respectful and more like brothers and fathers than the last meeting, but Andrew still did not get approved. Didn't get denied either, he needs to return in two months having researched an area of doctrine specific to the denomination we are apart of. And we're not talking about the deity of Christ, or how to get to heaven, you know the IMPORTANT things, no, it's a secondary issue, in my mind. So this church is making their decision before that and the commission is going to call them and let them know of their decision, so we are basically out of the running for that church.
I could just cry. There are two other regions we can go to yet, and the one doesn't have any churches open and the other one we have contacted and they haven't gotten back to us. So we are kinda in a rock and a hard place. We aren't making ends meet right now. I'm thinking of getting an additional job, hubby is looking for something else.
So do you understand my title for this post? There is a lot of stuff just flying around, literally. There are shingles falling from the roof outside the study and somehow I hope to get Nadia to sleep through all of the noise that is going to happen during her nap. I've been cooking and baking to feed our crew, of which is sparse. Pray for more men, or women, I don't care! I'm thankful for the people we have, but I'm afraid we won't get it done in time. Pray pray pray!!!!!!! Anyway, that's that. At least Nadia has slept great through all of this. Even nailing. Wow. I am shocked. Well gotta go check on stuff in the kitchen.

Can I have a vent????

Can I whine a little? I mean, this is my own personal soap box, right? I can say whatever I want, right?

Ok, here goes:

I want a clean floor for 24 hours. Just 24 hours!! That's all, not much to ask, just 24 hours. I want hubby to place his shoes in the proper spot. I want baby to not throw food on the floor. I need a maid. Oh wait, I have one. Me. I'm the maid. I don't mind really. But I just mopped the floor this afternoon at 4pm. Not 3 hours later it's dirty. GRRRR.


Here's something I don't want:

Shiny snot streaks all over my pants, my shoulders, where ever.

I just need to get more sleep, that's all, and I'll feel better. Maybe a nice relaxing bath.

Maybe I just need a better additude.

Praises and Prayers

We have an interview!!!!! Andrew and I have an interview with a church in a few weeks. They want me there at the interview. Eck! Never had this sort of interview before. Then Andrew will preach for them sunday. Pray for us, specifically this: This is a long trip and the meeting is over Nadia's bedtime, she still nurses before bed, pray this will go well for gramma. Pray the meeting goes well and that God's peace will surround us (and Andrew as he speaks). Pray we will hear God speak clearly to us about this church. Pray the meeting with the Regional approval committee (different meeting) goes well. Pray we all get good sleep!
Needless to say, we are excited and apprehensive. We've never done anything like this before. But we are trying so hard not to get our hopes up. We just want something to go well.

Please please be in prayer for my friends mother. She had ovarian cancer a couple of years back. She's been sick for about a month. They took her into the hospital because she got really bad the past three days. She's in emergency surgery right now. We've all had a foreboding feeling for sometime. Please pray for her father, as he is alone right now, waiting. Pray for the family.

Other than that, we're fine. I've been noticing more dirt lately. I think it's because we might be moving (hopefully, maybe....) soon. So I've been cleaning just a little bit deeper.

Gotta run. It's late, I'm tuckered.

Working again.....

Seems like I'm always working on a deadline for the Gem. I get it done and no sooner turn around and it's a month later and I need to get it done. Ugh.

I got a new cast iron dutch oven for like 10 bucks! I love this thing! But found out not to do stews, or soups until it's throughly seasoned. Like after doing a chicken or a roast or some bacon. I thought I could do a stew, yummy!! Started the first half of it, put the lid on, came back 20 mins later and it was black! It wasn't burnt, it's just that the soup I had done before had leached all the seasoning out. Ew. I felt horrible. Here we are strapped as it is and I have to throw out food. It was only carrots (from our garden) celery, onions and lentils, but still, it's food. Oh well.

Went up to MI this weekend, hubby preached. It was one of the most spirit filled, passionate, full of vigor and vim that I've heard him preach in a while. The man's got a gift. What a shame he isn't using it more often. I love to hear him preach. We are CGGC'ers, but at a Baptist church this weekend, he almost got baptist!! I was surprised. But oh was it good. I shan't tire of hearing him every weekend for the rest of my life. Not when God has His hand on him!

Nadia seems to be over this ear infection, I hope, I pray! She was in the best of moods today and today was a monday, and even after traveling for two days! She was so cute, talkative, funny, animated than I've seen her in a while. But she also took a 2 and half hour nap this afternoon, that we had to wake her up from. That is unheard of around these parts.

Well I'm not working anymore this evening. I've got so housework to do.
Blessings on ya!
Kathryn

Toddler Nadia

Nadia took her first steps on saturday. Much to the excitement of her parents. She hasn't done much since then, I guess she's bidding her time. But we are very excited at her development. She gets this really excited look on her face as if she knows how much we love it.

I am so very tired. I have a mess on the floor in the study and if I don't clean it up the baby will eat it.

Just wanted to say something small. To tired to think of anything else other than a bowl of cheerios. But I will not. I will not. I will not.


I will, however, take my yucky vitamins, take a bath and read my book.

I have obtained from the library two books, which I intend to buy. More With Less and Extending the Table. They are both cookbooks, with international flair. The recipes are very cheap, very healthy for you too. I made the next two weeks menu on these books alone and my list is so small. Yet, I know we will be eating well. It helps that I buy our fish in 9lb boxes frozen and my parents have kept us well supplied with groundbeef. It helps. We eat a lot of beans and lentils. Anyway, trying to work the food list down. Way down. Need to remember to buy that turkey breast at Great Scot's tomorrow.

I'll be seeing ya.

Alot has happened

Alot has happened since my last post. My great aunt died on monday. I got the call monday evening, packed and was on my way with baby tuesday morning. Finances being as they are hubby couldn't go. But I thought I was picking up my mother so I'd have help with the baby. The trip is eight hours. Mom is halfway. Got a call almost to my mother's that the funeral was changed to friday of this week. WHAT!?? GRRRRR. What do I do now? Mom decides not to go, leaving me with sole care of baby all week. I decide to go the whole way in, stay the week till the funeral, leave from funeral to stay at mom's and then come back on saturday to home. I stayed with my inlaws. It was bittersweet. I did better than I thought I would and learned somethings about myself. I didn't know just what I was capable of. I basically took care of Nadia by myself for a week. It was tiring, but I did it. By the grace of God I did it. The funeral was short and sweet, but a tribute to her life and to God's work in her life. It was good. I got to visit with my brother, of whom I didn't know how much I missed till I saw him. I wish we lived closer. Had a good visit with my mother, just some girl time. Which I think was good seeing as how they will be moving down to NM in the next two weeks and I don't know when we will see them again. Saw my great uncle. He looks so frail. He devoted the past, oh, 8 years to taking care of his wife. They never had any children. But they were devoted to each other. I will miss Aunt Tooldie. Her actual name was Thelma, I don't know how it got changed to Tooldie. For a while we just called them Aunt and Unk. But everyone knew who you were talking about.

It's September. Andrew had a New Years Wish this past new years, and that was to not spend another new years in this house. It seems we will. Oh dear. I am kinda down about this finding a church thing. Maybe it's just being tired or something, but I'm just down. I want to find a church I want to be 'planted'. I just want to be done with this process. I want to be where God wants us to be. Yeah yeah yeah I know, I'm right where God wants us to be. I know. But you know what I mean. I'm just sad. I'm just...I don't know what I am.

I have exciting news!!!!

I can officially fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans!!!!!! YAY! I can also fit into my pre-pregnancy under-things!!!! I am soooo excited! The scale really hasn't changed, although I did loose that plateau I was on. YAY! I think it was that TOM.
This week was busy, to say the least. Working a couple of extra hours because of a couple of deadlines for work. Had to get the gunsleeves finished for my dad. Plus the regular house work that needs done. I hate letting that go. Had to make baby food. Yada yada yada.
Speaking of the gunsleeves, my dad got them today and he wants me to make some more to sell at the flea market down in Gallup. Cool. How much do I charge, how many do I make? I have so many questions. What if no one buys them? This is so awesome, I was hoping to start a little sewing biz, but didn't know how. Didn't know if I was good enough. Guess I'm at least a little good enough for the gun slingers in our family.
Tonight I want to get done: I need to fold diapers. Put away the dishes and re-load the dishwasher. Wash my gym clothes. Figure out a special breakfast for tomorrow (Andrew's preaching, gotta make something special for him.) I want to do my nails. I don't get to do it often, but I want to do it before the summer's over. I want some color on my toes (and not spilt baby food either) while I can still wear sandals.
Oh, I got my hair cut today. That was fun. She cut about an inch off. It needed it. I am so very thankful for the gift card my friend got me. My hair looks so much better now. Thank you! Oh, that reminds me, I need a shower. I have little tiny bits of hair all over me. Itchy itchy itchy.
It's warm and muggy here. It was trying to rain earlier, but I'm not sure if it's just going to think about it, or do it. I love having the windows open at night.
I saw they have mums out at Meijer. I've been wanting mums to put out in the front of our house for a couple of years now. I never get around to it. I wonder, how do mums reproduce? Is it a bulb plant? Or seed? Hmmmm. I'll have to research that.
I've been looking into homeschooling. I go back and forth on it. I see the benefits and want to do it, but the only thing that's holding me back is wanting time to myself. But when I really think about it, I'll have had these children with me everyday for the 5 years leading up to them starting school that what difference will it be to have them with me after they start school? It's going to be the same. Plus I get time to myself now. So I guess the only other thing would be, how do I homeschool with other babies? But I know even in that I can set the older kids up with something to do while I nurse or take care of the baby. Maybe we'll hs all year long so that I know I"ll get the right hours in even if we have to take some time off. We can have longer breaks. Or shorter weeks.
Well it's eight o'clock. I'd better wrap this up and get to it.
Blessings y'all!

Fruit Gut, Colds, Busy and other assundry items

I should've left well enough alone. I was only mildly hungry. Very tiniest amount, barely noticable, probably not going to whither away to nothing, hungry. So I ate an apple (goes against my rule of nothing after 7, at the latest 8 at night). Now I'm even hungrier!!! It's fruit gut. I should've eaten hummus with celery. Much better snack. Now I'm going to barter with myself on this stupid issue! GRRRR. The small canister of sunflower seeds is staring me in the face. I can't let them go bad, can I?
My cold is still here. Not quite as bad. Day two. I slept pretty well last night. In fact I laid my head on the pillow at 10.30 and woke up at 6.15. Yeah, no getting up to potty, no baby waking, no hubby snoring and no nose blowing! It was the best night of sleep I think I've had since before I was pregnant! That's a long time. I think it was the tea. I'm drinking another cup tonight. I'll let ya know.
I've gotten my father's order for gunsleeves done. Got to mail it out tomorrow. He's leaving with a load on monday. Taking the guns. He needs em. Andrew made supper tonight. It was great!!! Spanish potatoes and a salad. I'll have to post some of my recipes on here. They come from Miserly Meals. Great food. Frugally done. That's my cup of tea!
Ok, so I ate a handful of seeds. yay. I am undone! Woe is me!! I am a woman of uncontrol! (is that even a word? Sounds like pantihose gone bad.)
Anyway, hope y'all (I'm not even from the south, I'm as Yank as they get!) have a great evening and an even better nights sleep!

Who Are You?

Awright, I know people are reading this blog, I just don't know who. No one ever comments!! I would love to know who is reading this blog. Just curious, no other reason.

I was up at 5 this morning. Baby woke me up. Then she wanted to stay up. Sunday nights are like that. Sunday's are different from other days and so she's a little different too. No prob. I have a cold and my brain is turned to mush. Andrew stayed home in the afternoon so that I could meet some deadlines for work. Need to finish Gem, work on article, and need to finish my father's gunsleeves for wednesday. Two down, two to go for his order, then four more for his friend.

Car went to the dr today. Turns out that knocking noise was just an oil change. Cool. Guess that's something we cannot compromise on. I guess I thought we could drag that out a little bit. Not if we don't want the car to freeze up.

Ya know how I was just whining and complaining about not being able to get a haircut? Well I prayed and the Lord provided. It's funny because any money that I was thinking would come in that I could use for a haircut I would eventually think "I should really just use that for ....." And a haircut would never come in the picture. Haircuts for long haired women just aren't a necessity. It's definitely a want. But I prayed. More like spiritual whining. And surprisingly (why am I surprised?) I got my want! Today in the mail I recieved a gift certificate to JCPenney styling salon!!!!! It's kinda neat, I can only use it for that spot. Nothing else. So you know what I did? I booked it to the phone and made an appt with my favorite stylist. I stopped seeing her when things started to get tight. What a treat! And she had an opening saturday afternoon! Of all times! Just when I can go! YAY! I thank my dear friend Rachel for this gift. And it truely is. I think she reads this, or either I whined too much in her presence. Or maybe my hair really looks that bad! Never thought of that. Oh well. Thanks so much!!

I talked to my friend about accompanying me to PA for the pending funeral of my great aunt. She's thinking about it. It all depends on when it is. I know if she didn't have any other things to hold her down, she'd go. But, like life, there are things we cannot compromise on. I respect that. But it doesn't hurt to ask.

Well my body aches, so I am going to soak it in the tub. Got a cup of Country Peach Passion Tea sitting right here beside me (which has chamomile and vitamin c in it, both things I need right now!) and I am going to relax with a good book. I love it.

Blessings.

Colds, dying, being broke and standing

I have a cold. I hate it. It's not the end of the world, but yet, when you are sick, nothing seems to go well. Or at least you can't go well. I am so sluggish. I can't rest when I have to watch a baby. But I'll do my best.

My great aunt is dying. She had a heart attack, not to mention dementia. She has less than 10% of her heart working. She won't be leaving that hospital alive. She's 92. I live 8 hours away from her, Andrew cannot take off time to go with me to the funeral. I don't know if I'm ready to make an 8 hour trip with Nadia and stay at my in laws and make happy with them. I don't know if I can do that. I could do it, but I don't know how good I'll be at doing it. Oh Lord help us. This is on the side of my family that is so angry with each other over the farm. This is as close as we'll get to a reunion anytime soon. I don't know what to do. I hate being broke. Every dollar is spoken for before it's made. I don't mind that, but I hate not having very many options. Why oh why Lord have you not provided a place for us yet? GRRRRR.

Nadia is standing more and more on her own now. I guess it's just a matter of time before she begins to walk. I have to find out if Payless still gives babies their first pair of shoes. We don't have money to get them.

I hate this. I just hate it. But there is nothing else we can do. Lord you have called us together and you have called us to bring others to you. And that is in our bones. We cannot deny it. We wait for you to show yourself. I know you have a place for us. I know it. Please provide. Please provide.

I should hang a shingle....

....I'll cut your hair if you cut mine.....


I cut my mother's hair today. I've been cutting hubby's for a while and a guy friend of ours. Not really hard, just use the clippers. Well, my parents are visiting and my mother mentions that her bangs need trimmed. No prob. Then she mentions she really needs the rest trimmed too. OOOOkay. So I give it a shot. Her hair is stick straight and all one length. I did my best. Nothing spectacular, but it's trimmed and split ends are gone. Now if I could just find someone to cut my hair!! But mines all different lengths and wavy and just a pain, I'm sure to cut. But once I get a great cut all I need to do is just let it dry. It's great.

Still waiting on those churches. Forever waiting. Oh we have lots of churches who want us, but they are only part time. And lots of pulpit supply. But nothing full time. Ugh. I guess something is better than nothing.

I am sewing gun sleeves for my father. I need to have them done by August 23. ACK! I don't have a whole lot of time!! Lord help me get them done. I just need to have four done by that date, then the rest I can mail at any time. I am hoping I'll get enough money that I can get a hair cut. I am obsessed with this want. I kind of feel it's like a need, but in actuality I don't need it. Not to live anyway. But it's just one more thing, just one more thing, that makes me feel poor. I can't even get my hair cut. We can barely pay for the food. Wait a minute. We can't. It goes on the credit card. I hate that.

I think I'd better quiet down. I'm depressing myself.
Gotta get water anyway.

Hello!!

I didn't think anyone actually read this blog. Wow, now I find out that there are at least two people reading it. Wow. Guess I'll actually have to keep it up more often.

Took Nadia to the dr today. She wasn't acting herself. Call it mother's intuition. But I thought maybe her ear infection hadn't cleared up. Well when I took her in there, her ear infection didn't clear up, in fact, she had a double!! Ack! So another round of antibiotics. Glad she eats so much yogurt. The pharmacy tech asked how I knew. Well she was waking up more at night, more fussy and of all things, when I nurse her in the afternoon, she often falls asleep. Then when we get up there is a huge puddle of sweat where her head was. I don't know why that is. But that's what happened the last time and lo and behold she had an infection. So here we go. Usually that stuff works pretty good.

Still no word from the three regions. Hubby still has to get stuff into the one region, but a church contacted us about a position, so we have to get stuff in. But we are so busy. But he could be working on it right now, but he's not, he's reading the news. GRRRRRR. I'm letting that one go. The more I bother, the slower he gets.

This stupid weight loss thing is not happening. I've started running. It's the funniest thing. I"m not the smallest thing and me running I'm sure is quite funny. But I'm hoping it will recharge my weight loss. I know one thing, it's recharged my hunger. I am hungry all the time!!! So I'm trying to keep my eating to a min and drink drink drink.

My great aunt who has alzheimers, had a heart attack. She's dying. Well, we all are, but she's closer, so it seems. But they've been saying that for about five years. I expect a call any day now. It's such a shame, I don't know if we'll be able to make it to the funeral. We can't take off days, we are so tight. It's hard to pay the bills. But I know all of my family will be in and I know there are people that Nadia hasn't met yet. There are those of my family I'd rather she not meet. Sad, but true.

Well tonight is date night. Nadia is down and I am thirsty!!! We are supposed to play a game of Risk. We'll see. Hubby is sooooo competative. Sometimes ruthless! He promises to be nice. We'll see......

Been a while....again

I know I don't blog much on here. Life is just insane at the moment. Coming up on Nadia's first birthday and suddenly we have an influx of people!!!!! Andrew's parents, my parents, Nadia's Godmother (my best friend) and her boyfriend, whom we've never met. We are going up for a church dedication in MI next weekend and last weekend was IMPACT. Crazy crazy crazy. And it's been so hot, I'm so wasted. This lovely Jerusalem diet is working!!!! I've lost at least 6 pounds on it. Slowly but surely. And a momentus occassion (I cannot spell worth a lick!) I've finally decided to go back to my old bras. YAY! Now I realize that may not be as stupendous as you think, but for me it is. I've been in nursing bras for over a year and while very utilitarian, not so fun. I gained weight over the pregnancy and lost it and now those are too big. So I'm going back. Now I'm still nursing, but I found a way to make em work. And she's not nursing quite as much, and only from the one side, so it's not as much of a problem. If I know I"ll be in a situation where I need to nurse in public I'll wear a nursing bra, otherwise, it's the pretty ones!!! YAY!!!
Still no public word on churches. Oh there is stuff going on, but I don't want to get all happy about it, so mum is the word for now.
Just wanted to say hi.

Doofus Mama

I was in the process of making sweet potatoes for my daughter and had it on the stove lightly boiling away (or so I thought). I was in the study doing some surfing when I *sniff sniff* what's that smell?? Bolt!!! IT'S THE SWEET POTATOES!!! Money is low as it is now and so I felt so bad that I might have ruined a perfectly good sweet potato that we could have used for food for her. But I was able to salvage most of the potatoes. Except for the portions that are indelibly adhered to the bottom of the pan, surrounded by black goo that I'm sure I'll leave on there way too long and forget to work on it and then at which point, working on it will be a work out and so I won't have to go to the gym for that day. My luck, I'll be working on it while the baby decides to do her screeching practice for the day. Ugh. Life aint so bad.
If there are any guys who read this blog, please skip this next part. It's a feminine care peg.
Have you ladies tried the Diva? I LOVE THIS THING!! It's the first day of my you know what and I am trying this menstrual cup. Yeah, it's a little pricey, but you basically have no need for any other menstrual care products for at least 10 years. Think of it, nothing in the trashcans, no smell. And if you put it in right, no leaking. It saves you money, saves you time. And it's actually cleaner to deal with than the other stuff. I really like it. I can't even tell I have my cycle. I think hubby has just about had it with all of my "hey honey, can I tell you about this???....." Poor thing.
Well I'm going to make sure I haven't burnt the remnants of my sweet potatoes, they weren't quite soft enough yet, so, yes, I put them back into another pot. I'll try not to do it again.
Have a quiet restful evening.

Atmosphere - Toby Mac

Artist: Tobymac Album: Welcome To Diverse City Title: Atmosphere

I know you keep a journal and every page is rippled
From the tears that you cry, ain't no meanin' to your scribble
Cause words can't describe what you've been feelin' inside
It's like thousand foot walls, and they're still on the rise
But look up to a beautiful sound
And see for yourself you're not that far down
And know this, I cannot love a little
My promise to you is unconditional

And I'll keep the light on, baby
Just keep the course, you can weather the storm
I'll keep the light on, baby
You've come this far, don't you ever lose heart, now

Just turn around and I'll be there
I'm moving into your atmosphere
Just turn around and I'll be there
I'm moving into your atmosphere

I know you're all alone in a crowd full of friends
I can see it in your eyes that your fadin' again
Checking out, moving into your hole
Where the light can't touch any part of your soul
But hold up and let the river rush in
You can turn around and start livin' again
Cause your life is a beautiful bloom
In the image of the one that created you

I'll be there

Said I'll be there, said I'll be there
Said I'll be there always, forever

This song really speaks to me because of where we are at right now. I can really understand the second verse. I've seen that hole, it looks inviting. It's so easy to go there again. But I've got to pray against it. I've got to realize it could happen again, but because I know it could, I can pray against it. Pray with me.

Discouraged

I thought I'd post before I leave to go home today. I'm at work. My one day in the office.

I am so very discouraged today. I think hubby is too. It seems like there are so many strikes against us in this search for a church. If there is a need for pastors, we sure don't see it!! No one seems to want us. The Pastoral Assessment Committee for the EC church was cancelled in August for lack of interest. So it looks like January, now. I am brought low. I am sad. It might be that third chocolate chip cookie I had at lunch. It might be that I haven't had any fruit today. It might be just hormones!

The Jerusalem Diet seems to be working. I've lost three pounds so far. And I've been on it about three weeks. It's going well.

Lord we are dry. We are discouraged. The life within us is gone. Revive us again. Show us that You are working. Please send us some light. We are so low right now.

Other than that, it's a nice day, couldn't ask for a better day.

Baby's schedule is all messed up. I'm trying to push her naps later. And she has been showing she could stay up later, but I don't want to mess with it. I don't want to get her too sleepy and then she'll not sleep at all. She's been getting up earlier and earlier. GRRRR. She does that from time to time. But at least she didn't get up at 4.30 screaming, like she does sometimes.

If anyone reads this, please pray for my husband and I. We are so very discouraged right now. I was so idyllic about finding a church, but it's not as rosy colored as I thought it would be. Part of me just wants to say, forget it!! Just forget it! No one cares, why should we?!

I think I just need some sunshine, sleep and veggies.

And prayer, I need lots of prayer.

O monday monday

I wasn't originally going to post about this, but I believe it will provide some freedom from the situation.

We had a meeting with that regional office on monday. A- was not approved for ministry in that region. We were blindsided. I will not go into the sordid details. We are very much back to square one. We are going to pursue another region and a whole other denomination.

I am having a lot of feelings about this whole situation. I am so angry at these men and I am even dealing with holding back hate for the key player in all of this. Got to pray, got to pray. Part of me is wondering whether we are supposed to be in ministry at all. We so fell in love with the place and now, now that is taken away. We were given hope. Now.... I read a scripture when I was doing my devo's and it really fits our situation:

Prov. 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

Yeah, that says it all. We are heartsick.

But today the Lord reminded me of a promise He gave me a long time ago:

Ezekiel 37:14 I will put My Spirit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I, the Lord, have spoken it and performed it," says the Lord.' "

I am sad, because finally I want to get pregnant again and have another baby, but we cannot do that right now. Life just isn't in a state where we could be pregnant. We have no insurance. We are so low on money.

N- is doing so well with everything. She has gone to one nap, nursing is down to 6x a day, instead of 8. And she's sleeping through the night. Finally. We Ferberized her. It worked. And I love my baby.

I've started on the Jerusalem Diet. It's working! I've already lost 2 lbs and I don't feel starved or deprived. I am actually satisfied.

And I have been asked to do a youth breakout session. Great. I mean I'm looking forward to it. And I need to prepare for it. Which is what I am going to do right now.

Where we're at...

It's been an interesting couple of days. Nadia has been sick and on top of it I think she's dropping her first nap. That's bittersweet. That's also when I work. Ekk! I might have to work a little at night to get stuff done. That's ok. I can just go to the gym in the morning instead. Which is much better anyway.

We got a call from a regional office about a church. YAY! I am more than excited, but more than apprehensive about it being 'the one'. I want to be hopeful, I want to be excited. But I also don't want to be disappointed. Don't know what the next step is. At conference this week I got to talk to the former pastor's wife of this church. Sounds like a good match...so far. The locale is lovely, the church is fulltime and they like kids. Then today at church, after hubby had offered a praise that God knows where we will pastor at, we had some people come up to offer to pray for us. It was so encouraging. Probably one of the most encouraging things yet in this process. I feel God's blessing. Also, I was reminded again that the most important thing in going to a church to pastor is not how I look (because I began to think I had better loose some weight so they love me) but rather my relationship with God, because then everything else will follow. I am afraid, to be honest. And part of me just wants to cry, but not because I don't want it, but because something is finally happening. It's the let down, ya know? Like when I started bleeding early on in my pregnancy, I didn't feel anything until I had come home from the dr's, after the ultrasound and after I was done bleeding, then, in the shower, I sobbed. Yes, everything was fine, but it was the let down, the let out. It was needed.




This is my beautiful daughter, inspecting a piece of grass. She later put it in her mouth. Ew. I thought you might enjoy a pic of her.

Been a while

It's been quite a while since I blogged last. Been a terrific and terrible time.

We are still looking for a church to pastor. Part of the reason is we cannot get a hold of anyone! I feel so lost and forgotten. Worship this morning was so hard. I am so angry at God. He could get us out of this at any moment. But for some reason He chooses not to. I hear the wisdom of the ages coming through, in that, I will look back and see the reason, I just have to trust Him right now that He is doing what needs to be done. Nonetheless, I am still frustrated and angry. And impatient. I confess.

Nadia hasn't helped much in this. She has been getting up more and more at night and last night was up from 4.30 till wakeup. Grrrr. BABY! But naps have been just great! I think that's part of the problem.

Part of the frustration about finding a church is it also means a job. A job with insurance and better pay. Maybe getting off WIC. I feel so ashamed when I go to purchase that stuff. Granted it helps, but still, I feel like white trash. Or at least I've been inadvertently referred to as that. I've gotten looks and frustrated looks of disdain from checkout people. I know what it feels like to be on medicaid. Our baby was born free. Literally. Thank God for that. But we don't have it now. If we get sick.... Thank God I found a clinic for people such as us. Below the poverty level, that's what my mother referred to us as. How degrading. Even if it is true.

I'm just angry. Tired. And frustrated. Lord help me. Please deliver us. Please be Lord of the job hunt. You called us, now send us.

You're on a mission and I'm in your way. That's what I just told him. That's what my dad used to do. He'd get on a cleaning binge and everything and everyone was in his way. So I learned to stay out of it. I was trying to have a meaningless conversation with him about face wipes for Nadia. Just trying to create conversation. Trying to get his opinion, because it counts to me, I want to know what he thinks. Yes, even with the small, unimportant stuff. But all I got was grunts and huffs. Good grief. Makes me so mad. So I'll just stay out of his way.
Then I find him making fried potatoes for himself. After the supper I made and he wants potatoes! That hurts.
Anyway. I tore apart an old comforter today, I'm going to make a guest quilt out of it and some old blankets. I tried to make yogurt. Didn't go. Tried to make a loaf of oat bread, didn't go. Two experiements crashed. Ugh. Disgusting. Made face wipes for Nadia for when she eats and didn't cost me a dime. (Old baby towels, water and baby soap in an old sugar container, set by the table, wha-la, face wipes! No more using napkins or paper towels! We're saving money baby!)
so I"ll have to figure out what I did wrong with the yogurt. Somethings not right. Maybe I'll try it with milk next time, I used reconstituted dried milk. It's been in the oven for 10 hours, should be done by now. I'll check it again.
So anyway. That was my saturday. Besides the normal nursing, changing dipes (which is another area of contention with me. I want him to change more diapers on a saturday and what happens? I am changing the same amount, plus watching her just as much, so that HE can get things done. What like I don't want some ME time too?) I could scream, but I'd wake the baby.
I'm going to go check the yogurt.

I haven't posted here in a looooong time. I can't even remember when. I think it was before easter. We had hubby's parent's in for easter. In our small house, that was a full weekend. And I think before easter I was finishing three deadlines. Ugh. Or maybe it was two. At any rate I had a lot due. Hubby stayed home in the afternoons so I could get it done. And I did.
Then I had catching up to do last week after the in laws went home and then this week I thought Gem was due again, just saw it was not. Ugh. Oh well.
Now baby is laying down for her morning nap. I know she is sooooo tired, but will she sleep? I don't know, but I do know that she is screaching. Not screaming, just loud, what sound like happy squeals. Ugh. Baby baby baby. I so want her to sleep, I am so tired I want to nap. But she probably wont' because I want to. That's how it works, right?
I made strawberry jam last night. Wasn't planning on it, but Nadia was unhappy at the grocery store and I can't make good decisions when she's fussy, just can't think. So I ended up buying the sale, that is 4lbs of strawberries for $5. I don't even know if that is good or not. I think I cooked it too long. I don't think it's any good. It's dark. Almost moves like molasses. That is, it doesn't move at all!
I've decided to make our old worn out guest comforter into a guest quilt. I'm tearing it apart, using the batting for fluffing pillows or what not and then cutting the front and back into squares for the quilt. I've got so many other scraps that this shouldn't be a problem. I'm then going to use an old thermal blanket that's got the satin binding all torn up for the batting. Should be sufficiently warm. I could add another thermal inbetween for added warmth. I'll have to check salvation army for such a thing. And if this works well I am going to make one for our bed. My hubby brought lots of old blankets into our marriage and I think this will be a nice way to use them, without throwing them away. I've always wanted to quilt. And I mean really quilt. Like how they used to do it.
I think baby is asleep. So I am going to do the same.
Ciao.

Here I Go Again-WhiteSnake

---

No I don't know where I'm going
But, I sure know where I've been,
Hanging on the promises
In the songs of yesterday,
And I've made up my mind,
I ain't wasting no more time.

Tho' I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I'm looking for.
Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on,
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams.

And here I go again on my own,
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
And I've made up my mind,
I ain't wasting no more time.

I'm just another heart in need of rescue
Waiting on love's sweet charity,
And I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams.

And here I go again on my own,
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
And I've made up my mind,
I ain't wasting no more time.
But, here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go again.

(Solo)

And I've made up my mind,
I ain't wasting no more time.

And here I go again on my own,
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
'Cos I know what it means,
To walk along the lonely street of dreams.

And here I go again on my own,
Going down the only road I've ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone...

Here I sit. My fingers are a wreck and there is an irate baby. She should've been asleep an hour ago, but rather she just fell asleep.

I hate daylight savings.

So do I just go with it and let her sleep till she wakes up, or do I just wake her up at 10am, to try to set a schedule? Before I could just lay her down and she'd sleep for an hour. Morning nap was the easiest. The afternoon one was the problem. Now it's the opposite. She'll sleep for two hours for her afternoon nap and the morning nap is just terrible.

I hate daylight savings.

I am so tempted to try that Sweet Sleep Tincture that Maggie has for her boys. Nights aren't a problem, it's the day sleep that we have issue with. At least we didn't, but now we do.

I hate daylight savings.

I was trying to control myself. It is so hard sometimes. She's supposed to wake up in 15 minutes, I want to cry. I hate this sometimes. Sometimes all of this just feels so helpless, so hopeless. I know God is with me, but I feel like I'm doing this all by myself. No one else fields the burden for this but me. It's my job.

I hate daylight savings and sometimes, just sometimes, I hate how things turn out. I have no control over this and no wisdom in this matter. Sometimes I consider a hormonal birth control because I know the havoc it wreaks on my body and I would have trouble getting pregnant, because I don't want to get pregnant. At least not now.

My fingers look terrible and they hurt. I am waiting to do work, but can get nothing done until it is sent to me. So I can wait here until I get my baby up. My baby. Is she really anyone elses? Does anyone else REALLY know what I go through? Does anyone REALLY care? Probably not.

I worry that this will continue until my in laws visit next week. I am so afraid they will critique what I am doing and give 'suggestions'. I don't need more suggestions. I don't need more advice. I just need support. This is not the way I envisioned motherhood to be. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't know it would be like this. This is a different kind of hard.

Lord help me.

I have been just so busy the past couple of days. I have two deadlines tomorrow. Plus keeping house, keeping baby, keeping hubby and keeping myself!

Anyway, I am taking the Self Challenge! Woohoo! I am really going to do it. I am not going to give up. I'm not really going to follow the food thing, as I am going to eat well and I know how to eat well. But rather, I am going to follow the cardio and strength training portion of it. I'm excited. So by Nadia's Birthday I should be down, or past my pre-preg weight. Woohoo!

I seriously dislike reading books that I feel like I have to read. I am trying to get started in a book called When Beliefs and Life Collide by Carolyn Curtis James. Basically it looks at the roles of women in ministry, but not just that, women in theology. I am interested in it and look forward to the wisdom this woman may impart, but with only being out of school for 4 years, I still loathe reading books that are good for me. I'd much rather read a fictional book. Like the Heirs of Montana series. Now that's fictional! But historical, I like that.

Poor Nadia's had some trouble sleeping. Don't know why. Just has. But we'll get through it.